You Have Killed Yourselves And Ourselves.

A true heart touching poem. Keep up the good work.

Hi rbt00,what a great poem you just wrote here!This is truly amazing to me.

Straight to the point here.I really like the theme that you want to bring here. The common theme here ,but with a new look with fresh-exciting ideas to pursue the reader to keep on reading.

# Everyday fights and wars,
Including Earth; excluding the planets along with Mars.
What have you brought?
Pains, suffering and nothing but drought. -->A very well-written here,but it seems plain and familiar.You write clearly and straight to the point here without giving space for the reader to think.
Anyway,I really love the last stanza.It really impressed me here:
# Time will become a day,
When you will comprehend your fatuous ways.
You have destroyed yourselves
And ourselves. -->It have such a deep meanings inside.
Keep it up and good job.
Kudos,cheers
~Dark

Hi there Infinity here to review!

Well for starters, I 100% agree with what your poem is expressing, it's very relevant and valid to the world today, I love the emotion and thought you have put behind this poem. I also liked the selfishness you portray the world as. I like that your poem has a voice.. However there is always room for improvement so there are some suggestions I'd like to make which may help improve your poem further.

There are some grammatical errors in your poem and at certain points the wording and lines don't flow very well together, the way some things are expressed makes it sound kind of awkward. I think the poem in general would be more powerful without the rhyming, it distracts the thought.

"Everyday fights and wars,
Including Earth; excluding the planets along with Mars.
What have you brought?
Pains, suffering and nothing but drought."

I have a slight problem with this stanza, it seems to change the subject in every line.
You start off talking about wars, then onto planets, then to drought.
I think the rhyme scheme interrupted it as if felt forced especially the second line.
I suggest you stick to one topic in this stanza so we can have an emotional connection to one thing in detail. Using imagery would've been a great asset here as well.

"Is this what you call humanity?
Bloodshed and no unity!
Brother killing brother
and every house a mother."

I liked this verse because I could see the anger and frustration in it but the last line didn't make sense to me, i think its the rhyme again, every house doesn't have a mother? I'm not sure what you meant.

"How could you bare to see this?
Wont anyone after this you will miss?
One by one everyone gone,
Then you will hear the remorse and the moans."

The second line should have an apostrophe, "won't".
The second line word choice is a bit off, revise this line.


"The time will come one day,"

Here, I suggest, "Time will become a day" it's more grammatical.

Overall a good poem with plenty of potential, Keep writing!
Hope I was of help to you.

-Infinity x

Hi there! Ariana here with your review. So in order to start off, I must admit: I was impressed! War is a common subject I write about-but this poem spoke louder. Your crafted your words into something-something with meaning. I only have a few questions though-what did you mean when you said,
"Brother killing brother
And in every house a mother"? I mean what have mothers got to do with this? How does this relate to this poem?
Other than that, I felt like I was reading an anti- war speech. I don't mean it as a bad thing though. It just felt more like a speech than a poem. So well done!

i really loved the poem .. in fact this is the reality in today's world.. no one cares for anyone and the earth is filled with murders happening and people often forget that they are the one creating the fights and all the forget how will it feel when their own is gone .. and humanity well that's a very rare thing in today's world ..

i loved the way you put your words in the form of a poem .. keep writing ..
charmy reviewing your poem