Young Writers Society

This was very emotional and heart felt. I feel like this a lot (even when I'm on here sometimes). But enough about my depressed ass, let's get on to the review, shall we?

I already basically said that I love the content (if I wasn't clear enough, sorry. I do love this, and I feel a personal connection to it).

But, your technicality (grammar, punctuation, etc.) needs a little work. The biggest problem with you grammar would be your lack of capitalization in the (I) department. Normally, with any other thing I would tell you that it is up to you to change this or not, and I am saying that, but I also am saying that I strongly recommend you fixing/changing this. I typically wouldn't care if it was any other minor grammar error, but the (I) thing really bugs me the most out of any grammar mistake.

And I think that you would benefit from a little more punctuation. Just saying. But, as always, it's up to you.

Peace,
Ht

Hallo, lovely! I haven't read the other reviews, so pardon me if I repeat anything they've said or you've told them.

First of all, little typo in the first word - "loneliness", not "lonliness" (you're lonli?). I also get the temptation to leave all of your "i"s lowercase, but almost every other line in this is capitalised at the beginning, so why is that second line lowercase? The sixth line?

Secondly, your rhyming is a little stilted and feels majorly forced at some points - the repetition of "many" in the penultimate stanza; "morning/boring". I would say either look over your words and figure out why it's so stilted, or find completely different words to convey your emotions. Personally, I don't feel a lot of strong imagery in this piece, and imagery is what a lot of people rely on when it comes to poetry - you don't have a tonne of words to use like a novelist does; you've got a few lines in which to say what you want to say, so use them well. Your diction is lacking substance.

You have a lot of words in there, technically speaking, but you don't have a lot of strong or striking words. That, combined with the lack of solid meter, can be seriously detrimental to your work.

All in all, I like the idea, but it could be executed much more cleanly. May I recommend that you take a look over this and try to edit it so the rhyme doesn't sound as forced? I think that would help it quite a bit - also, while it's tempting to move from "classical" poesy to "conversational", that "dunno" in the last line feels out of place among the rest of your words.

Feel free to take this with a grain of salt, love.

Hi rbt. I'm going to call you ribbit.

Loneliness is a common emotion, one that most, if not all people experience at some point in their life. Writing poems about an emotion without an event as a precursor is a tricky thing to do well because, as an audience, we like a story, and when there's no story, we like a piece that will make us feel.

I think poetry is an excellent method of expression, but here, I am having trouble relating to your experience! I would like to understand why you feel lonely, maybe even read a few more poems on it, but as it stands, your poem is built on rhyme without a significant supply of information to satiate my curiosity enough to be able to relate to you.

Best of luck and happy review day!

June

Hey RBT00,

Umaima here for your review. It was a great poem and I enjoyed reading it. Seriously, I cans ee that you are a very talented writer. Great job doing so and I will be earnestly looking up for your future poems.

Yes, this poem was great but there were a few problems here and there. I will be stating them below:

First, work on the poem's grammar and punctuation. Basically moreon punctuation as there is no punctuation at all. (One of the drawback I found in this poem) Punctuation is a very important part of poems and if they are not in it then the reader becomes quite irritated and sometimes it feels unpleasant to read. A poem without punctuation is like a sweet without sugar... so you see it is 'very' important.

Second, the lines seem incomplete. Like there should be something added in them and only then will they be complete. Your message is very clear to the reader (which is a plus point and for that I must say that keep it up!) but the problem is that the comparison of things here is giving some awkward feelings here and there.

Else then this your poem was a masterpiece! Goodness how do you write so well? (XD) Also the rhythm was great and i see the format was well developed too.

Tip: You should take care of your punctuation next time or if you want you can add in this piece too (your wish)

Overall view: Excellent work if we do not consider the drawbacks. I am sure if you take care of a few things then one day you will be a great poet!

As you are kind of new ask me for help if you need any. And also the most important thing, all that i have stated above are just my opinions, if anything offended you then I am sincerely apologize.

Umaima

Have a Happy Review Day!!

He-llo! Happy Review Day! And next up is the review:

1.First off, the meaning behind this. Beautiful; because it sort of explains the harsh reality, yet the delicate beauty, of loneliness. It gives the reader a slight description of what the feeling can make us feel...confusion, sad, hurt, fear or even each one at the same time. And this makes me think that maybe we don't like this feeling because it makes us feel completely and utterly lost.

2.Second, grammar. I don't know if you did it on purpose or you didn't notice but 'I' should always be written in upper case; and you seem to have forgotten a few comas and periods, here and there. This is important to maintain in check (not necessarily perfect; no human is perfect, I am one myself). Because, besides that it may help with the flow in a poem or any other literary work for that matter, it is important to not commit, if only the slightest, grammatical errors in a work. (I'm telling you this because of teachers.If they can't find any errors [or almost none] they can't take away points that much.)

3.Lastly would be the flow and the emotions. The emotions portrayed in this piece are lovely because you make us feel the meaning of loneliness. You don't just describe it to us but give the reader an example of how it feels and that's awesome (It's no easy feat). Now to the flow in this work...in some parts it feels like it's stressed. Like you're forcing the words, but when I kept reading it I noticed that the reason behind this was because in some stanzas I did not have the comma to make pause and savor the line.

Conclusion: A fine piece a poetry that gives Loneliness a right description. You just try to fix those grammatical errors and the poem will shine more brightly than it already shines. Too much drama from me on that last sentence, no? Okay.

Take with salt; mind with care.

Lonliness a strange feeling
i dont know with what im dealing

Deep in my soul i feel the warmth of the sun
Deep in my heart i feel the loneliness has begun

Crying with emotions
on the lonely roads of cars with motion

I wish i had the love
As people have high above

Each night each day
My tears keep shedding away

I wish i had someone who cared
With whom my secrets can be shared

With the rise of the morning
Again the day is gonna be boring

Fears have i got many
Tears i do shed many

Because of this strange feeling
Dunno with what i am dealing

Love it. It's a sad poem, er, kind of, and those kind of poems real me in very quickly. I love how you kept a steady rhyme though the poem and you didn't split up anywhere, at least, I can't see any mistakes. Here's y favorite part of this poem:
"Fears I have got many
Tears I do she'd many
Because of this strange feeling
Dunno with what I am dealing"
I absolutely loved that part!
Cheers! ~Dark. Fire Flower.

I like it. it made me kind of sad, but a good kind of sad sooo yeah. I liked how you worded it and how you described things in it. and I liked how you finished. I didn't find any grammar or spelling mistakes