Its getting darker to no-where,
Increasing sounds on my nerves.
What was that mere?
Oh' nothing a shadow just reserved.
You lie! For it laughs!
Dont you believe me?
You lie again! For now it coughs.
Its a laughing shadow you see.
For Its having its rendezvous..
Why? Is he so lifeless?
No! For It is propitious.
Why? Shouldnt He be jobless?
Its just a senile...
For Its life is tethered.
So, for the reason it denials.
None see that its back is feathered.
Dont you think its cocky?
Its a laughing shadow you see.
For always its mockey,
Dont you believe me?
You lie! For it laughs!
Dont you believe me?
You lie again! For now it coughs.
Its a laughing shadow you see.
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139,524 Literary Works • 672,598 Reviews
I like this poem and its quirkiness. It makes the laughing shadow look playful and mischievous rather than a malevolent thing. The poem, in terms of content, is kind of all over the place, but I feel this mimics the shadow. The shadow is something mischievous and hard to understand for the narrator. The only thing that bugs me with this poem is the lack of punctuation. I'm not sure if this is intentional or not.
There are more, this is just the first example. Anyway, great poem!
Thankx
I think it's fine as is, and doesn't need to be in iambic pentameter. I noticed one spelling error: you wrote "mockey" instead of "mockery." and yeah it is kind of hard to follow, but there's no rule or law that says poems even have to make sense. poetry is a world of its own and you can write it however you want, whether or not other people think it's "correct" or whatever.
I'm just putting suggestions out there. All the pentameter things are just traits that add some spice to a poem (Shakesphere, for example, had a habit of using iambic meters). Yes, I know that everyone sees what they see and that can be extremely different between people.
@Winterhawk393 Mockey Is Also A Word.
This is a very creative poem for a 14 year old. I'll bet you are above average when it comes to poetry in english class! Though it was very hard to follow for me. Like the word "nowhere" can mean no-where or now-here; try to clarify that. Also, I think you are having trouble conveying the message of the poem because you are worried about getting the poem to rhyme. Try re-writting the poem without rhyming and using words that will convey the feeling more. Once you've hit the nail on the head, you can leave it as a freeverse or you can rearrange and substitute words to have the poem make sence and rhyme. Finally, you should try to make it Iambic pentameter. I don't know how to explain it so I advise asking around if you don't know what that is. Overall, this poem and you have a lot of potential. Just polish it up and it will be a gem.
Thankssssssss
Thankssssssss