When I go up to the irreproachable sea,
The broken after-math
Laid down like wet soil with heavy tears,
Half disappears the lively path.
And when I come to the deeper side,
The sea that faded its frown
Disturbed, I doubt not, by my thought,
Comes softly slackening down.
I end not going far from my solitary walk,
By picking the saddened words of blue
Of the last remaining gaze,
To carry it again to you.
NOTE-
(After reading, Robert Frost's 'A Late Walk' , I was inspired to write this one. Though, the matter is different, a same pattern has been followed.
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141,758 Literary Works • 675,691 Reviews
Hey geeky here !!!!:)
I really enjoyed this !!!:)
I've never read A Late walk so I hope it doesn't affect how I review.
Anyway ... First I would like to say its kind of hard for me to understand what is going on unless I read it over a couple of times! That could be me being a slow reader ... Or it could just be you being an amazing writer ! Haha
I think that you may kind of write between he lines ( like people read between the lines ) ! That's a very good talent to have!!!
So I really don't have any negative comments! Just that I think this was amazing and I'm looking forward to reading more of your work!!
Sorry I couldn't be more of a help :/
-GeEkY
Suzette here to review!
So in the first stanza, the last two lines seem a bit awkward and strange. I think maybe you could reword it. Other than that the first stanza is wonderful and brings in a wonderful introduction to your poem.
Second stanza! Okay, I only have one problem, the word "slackening" is kind of awkward and native to me, so this is just a personal problem of course but you know whatever.
Third stanza, I love it and have no problems with it all.
Thanks for posting your poem so I could review, and for me to read it. I enjoyed it very much.
Love and care,
Suzette