Rich folks of the world.
Lavishly lived, yet forever not
Scientists of the world,
Discovered, triumphed, yet lost.
Women of the world,
Clothed, yet everything naked.
Kind homo-sapiens of the world,
Gave charity, yet not from their hearts.
Doctors of the world,
Cured patients, yet the huge sum charged.
Poor lives of the world,
Ate, yet forever not.
Rich folks of the world.
Lavishly lived, yet forever not
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139,521 Literary Works • 672,595 Reviews
Interesting use of the repetitive phrase "yet not". I like this piece, because it presents a tired message in a unique way. There's some imagery here, especially in 6, but you could add more to further enhance your message. I also believe that "homosapiens" is one word with no dash between (I could be wrong about that). This line needs a bit of re-wording: "Doctors of the world, / Cured patients, yet the huge sum charged" because it sounds a bit awkward.
Overall, I like this piece!
Can you suggest me ways to correct that line?
Maybe, "Doctors of the world / cured patients / Yet a huge sum was charged"
Hello
This piece really speaks to me. I find it perfect for being named in the realistic genre. It was consistent and the wording was well chosen. Your title was indeed very catchy!
I could sense somehow,... the democrat or the philosopher in this work? Well, either way, it is very evident here of your poet's skill
Keep it up! Keep on creating! Keep on inspiring the people to open their eyes to reality!
You've inspired me today
-Sybil (WaltzingDreams)
Thaaank You So Much
Hi there!
I must say that was indeed a brilliant piece of writing! The title 'Yet not' is very catchy and it hypnotized me to click the link! Moreover, the poem made my day.
The examples you have chosen are all perfect and a well contradiction follows.
One thing is that your poem was short, you might have worked upon it more, little bit. But that can be done later.
Keep writing!
Merry Christmas!
kisc10☺
Thank Uh!