Young Writers Society

Knight Dragon, here to review!

Technical:
"In the middle of an abyss sleep.", the "abyss" should be "abysmal", just to make it feel and flow better.

"In the disguise of weeps", if you changed "weeps" to "weeping", you'd still have the assonance at the end, but it would feel better.

"And my nerves back forth creep", either change "back forth creep" to "creep back and forth" or "back and forth creep" to help with reading flow.

Otherwise I liked how you had the nice paradox between the two extremes of pleasure and pain (or terror) that rain can cause, especially in the last to stanzas.

Hope this helps!

Hi!
This poem is really nice and i must say, sometimes the rain can be scary especially if its raining hard.
For me your grammar is good and your formatting is okay. Im kinda new to this reviewing thing so im just saying the things that i know and if im wrong feel free to correct me.
)
Anyways, Keep up the good work!

I really loved this poem. Since I am new to young writers society I am not sure how to earn points. So I really dont know anything much. So i can say is that keep going

I agree with @Monsters, with all of his critiques. I'm not sure how long you've been writing poetry, but your use of the word "Cause" is informal and infuriating. Maybe not infuriating... just disappointing and a little annoying. At this point, I'm not sure how you're feeling about the rain. Are you afraid? Do you hate it? Do you love it? I need some clarity. Overall, it was an okay poem, but I know you can definitely do better. So try again, and just take our reviews to heart.

The rain knocks on my window,

In the middle of an abyss sleep.
Dreams shattered and broken,
I wake up again and not the first.

Rain beads continue,
One after the other.
And my nerves back forth creep,
Cause you don't pause and discontinue.

You take away my sleep,
You give me eerie cacophony.
Amusing you are,
You make me ecstatic too.

Sometimes, I abhor you,
Cause you disturb my abyss sleep.
You knock on my window,

And shatter obscurity at nights.

This poem was very well written. It captures a lot of emotions, and makes the reader feel as if they are there. It made me think of storms in a way I never had before. It makes them seem like more than just water and lightning.

The only problem is . . . I LOVE storms and rain so . . . Anyway, good job on this work.
Keep it up!

After reading this poem, I could feel emotions I didn't know I possess. The use of sadness and excitement in every word you wrote down. The grammar wasn't so bad and the spelling was great, as well.

I like the way you use "rain" as a metaphor for how you feel. I love the way you wrote your poem and hope to read some more.

This poem was very entertaining to read. And personally I was just going to say that it may read easier if you said: Cause you disturb my abyss of sleep. It may just be me but I think that it sounds better. Other then that I really liked the way that it was written, the creepiness that the words held. Just though I would add in my two cents.

This poem is interesting and is in a new format that I'm not used to. I love that you have a good vocabulary, but I think that it was distracting in this poem. A wider range of vocabulary limits the audience's ability to connect with your piece. The unusual words seemed like you were trying a little too hard and kind of messed with the flow of things. The subject and idea of this poem are quite impressive and I think that if you edit it, it can be really great.

Nice! I liked it because where I am there is a lot of rain and it always keeps me up at night. Anyway I think this is a very excellent piece of poetry and I would love to read more of your writing. Great job! I didn't see any mistakes and Your a great poet. Keep Writing! Can't wait to read more!

From,
Buddy886551

This is very well done. It makes me feel as if I'm there, like I can see the rain and feel what the writer is feeling.
The words you use are VERY well used, You don't see these type of words in stories or poems. So seeing this added more uniqueness to the poem.
I really do hope to see more from you! Keep up the amazing work!

This one is one of my favorites so far.

The stanzas are well spaced and even, the rhythm is very good.

There were a few instances where the lines were a little far down, but that really isn't an issue with this since the formatting is so messed up. I'm actually surprised that you got it this good with the way the formatting hates us all.

The only thing that you can really change is that you could cut back on the commas. I don't really think that you need them on the end of every sentence that does not have a period.
But, as always, you're the author here. Whatever works for you.

As for the content, I thought you did a pretty good job with your imagery. I could see everything clearly in my minds eye. And you definitely described it well, and made good use of your English. I even had to look up a few words to make sure I understood.

Good job!

Lovely poem! I really love the way you personify the rain against the window, almost as if it is a real person knocking at the window, it is really imaginative and a very original view on the subject. I like the descriptions too, especially the first stanza; 'The rain knocks on my window,/In the middle of an abyss sleep./Dreams shattered and broken,/I wake up again and not the first.' It describes perfectly the sound of rain at night, you can almost hear it rattling against the window! Just one possible improvement I can think of; the word 'cause' as opposed to 'because'. I just thought it sounded slightly out of place compared to the rest of the poem, which in terms of language is quite formal, though this is quite a minor thing. The final lines 'You knock at my window,/And shatter obscurity at nights' are particularly beautiful, I love the way the rain is described as being beautiful, but also annoying and slightly sinister at the same time. All in all a great piece of writing, keep it up!

Hi there, wow this is such a fresh perspective on rain really wonderful.

I can almost feel the fear you feel, it's tough to create an atmosphere through writing and you've done it beautifully!

Your vocab is definitely the best part, proving the infinite ways of expressing yourself that the English language has to offer, well done!

Awesome poem! It's extremely deep and emotional, and has almost a soothing affect on the reader. The vocabulary you use is extraordinary, such as "cacophony," "saccharine," and "abyss." I'll admit, I had to look some of these words up XD. So great job, it really gave this work a mature feel to it.

I'm not a poem person, so I don't have much advice about how to improve this, but I will tell you the lines that I really like.

"Sometimes, I abhor you,
Cause you disturb my abyss sleep.
You knock on my window,
And shatter obscurity at nights."

Amazing, that was my favorite

Such an interesting poem, and I like the fact that your writing sounds "mature", and not childish. You have used different, difficult words.

Keep on writing!

I really like this, in spite of the fact that I adore storms! I did notice one thing in the second line. "a" should be "an." Other than that, it runs smoothly and your imagery is great! I love "saccharine sleep." It's really a great picture, that. And I like that the rain knocks on your window. Over all, this is a well-written poem and it really portrays how creeped out a person can be from a simple rainstorm! (Best time to tell ghost stories, right?) Thank you for sharing!

Hey there. Ariana with your review for today. Well what can I say? The title really lured me into the piece. I had my expectations when I opened this piece, but you exceeded them. It was very. Very well written. This was full of imagery and had a superb usage of vocabulary. For example, you used the words "abyss" "abhor"and "ssaccharine" (which I've never heard before). So not only was this a very image-provoking piece, your use of language added to the overall enjoyment of this poem.

Hey there!

So I really liked the poem. It was deep and passionate, but I had a hard time understanding the meaning of the poem (which could just be me). Your vocabulary seems to be at an immense level. The poem relaxed me and I felt soothed and calmed. From what the poem says, rain seems to be on your defective half. The poem was also dark and simple. It reminded me of darkness because it was hard to see through the substantial lines. Other than a confusing rhyme scheme and hard to see through terms, the poem was deep, intense, dark, and really creative overall. Great job!

Hi there, nice poem. It sounds like you hate the rain.

"Rain beads continue,
One after the other.
And my nerves back forth creep,
Cause you don't pause and discontinue."

Your saying the rain unnerves you is that why the blur says some people are scared of rain?
Truthfully I think it's calming, then again I'm the type of person who enjoys a storm. (big grin)

What is abhor and saccharine?