Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » General

E - Everyone

Seeing you again

by brookeallo


I wasn’t expecting to see you again today.

I didn’t think my heart could still break.

But there you were. You and those blue eyes.

It did, it broke again. And all I could do was stare.

The spark was still there just waiting to reappear.

You looked at me, and maybe you didn’t still completely hate me.

I never said I was sorry to you.

I watched you laugh. And I was happy for you. Glad that you were finally happy.

I tried to keep my eyes off of you Attempted to keep my emotions a bay.

I wasn’t ready for you. I wasn’t ready for us.

You got up to leave and I couldn’t help but wish you would have stayed.

I never should have ended it. Maybe then I wouldn’t hate myself as much as you seem to hate me.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
5 Reviews


Points: 30
Reviews: 5

Donate
Tue Apr 16, 2019 6:23 pm
Blairwood says...



This is good! I honestly think this poem is something readers identify with. For me it show how love while being a teen ends. #foreveralone




User avatar
69 Reviews


Points: 2286
Reviews: 69

Donate
Tue Apr 16, 2019 6:18 am
Toboldlygo wrote a review...



Hello!

This is a fantastic poem! It really catches your sensitivity to meeting a particular individual, presumably a former romantic interest but potentially also a dear, beloved friend. I appreciate that it is vague enough to apply to a number of scenarios, yet specific enough to convey the intent of the poem. Very nicely done!

A few formatting issues. Some of your sentences do not have periods; omitted punctuation is a major pet peeve for me. There is also a choppy sensation reading from sentence to sentence on each line. I might suggest semicolons to connect thoughts better, instead of stopping mid-thought with periods. Having a sentence per line would also make the poem easier to read, by convention. In the lines where you have three sentences, combine two using a semicolon and leave the other as a separate thought. This might help it read better.

Overall, this is really fantastic. I look forward to seeing more of your work!

toboldlygo




User avatar
71 Reviews


Points: 4213
Reviews: 71

Donate
Tue Apr 16, 2019 3:42 am
FabihaNeera wrote a review...



Hello again,

Back at it again with another great poem! It's well-written, and I could feel the emotions conveyed from this idea of a relationship that didn't last. The last line especially captured the true feelings of this character. So, all in all, the idea of a the poem is done well for the reader to understand all throughout the lines.

I see one punctuation error... In the line "I tried to keep my eyes off of you Attempted to keep my emotions a bay." You missed a period before "Attempted"! Also, I would maybe recommend looking back at the lines and give each sentence it's own line. I think it would appear better this way and it would add more affect on shorter lines.

Anyway, that's all from me! Really good poem... and I see so far, all your poems have a common theme!

Keep Writing :D





I should infinitely prefer a book.
— Mary Bennet, Pride and Prejudice