The sand was soft,
Like your lips,
That one special night.
The breeze rustled my hair,
Your hand held tight in mine,
One of the only moments I’d ever felt alive.
We’ll climb the wooden lifeguard stand,
And sit open the bench,
And for once not think about life.
The quietness succumbs to the every flowing waves,
Washing seashells upon the shore,
As we walk across the beach for ever more.
The sand I’ll always remember,
Curling within my toes,
The softness below my feet,
The world will never know.
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140,080 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
I don't think I have anything to criticize on your work,
just that, you did very amazing.
The poem is so cute, it makes me remember a movie scene where the main characters are young and so madly in love that they are in their own world and care less about what others have to say.
The title is on point; nostalgia is an evident feature that runs through the poem.
You've done a nice good job. The poem is so cute that it hurts.
This was a wonderful little poem to read! I really liked it, how the narrator was telling us about her relationship. Your grammar, spelling and punctuation was OK. Three things I noticed:
1. You misspelled ever in the line "to the every flowing waves".
2. You misspelled on in the line "and sit open the bench", autocorrect must of changed on to open.
3. There is no space between forever in the line "As we walk across the beach for ever more."
That is all I have to say! Keep on writing and practicing and have a Merry (early) Christmas!
EverLight here with a review! This review is not intended to offend or hurt you or make your novel or poem seem bad, but be warned you may feel offended anyway.
First Impression
A neat little love poem <3
Nitpicks & Grammar
For starters you misspelled the word ever in this stanza-
The words for and ever need to be combined in this line-
Style & Flow
Nothing to critique here
Overall you did an amazing job! <3
thanks:)
Your welcome <3
Wow. I mean, I know I may not be too good at reviewing other people's works, but this one is amazing!
)
I found little mistakes, like in the line "And sit open the bench", I can see where there could've been a quick misspell, or maybe autocorrect, as you can tell can be quite annoying when writing, both the best and worst thing about technology these days. The vocabulary used here is terrific, the way it all fits together into a beautiful story.
Overall, this poem was a great read, and I highly recommend you showing your work to more people, if this is the only place you show these works at. You are a true professional at poetry, unlike myself.
(Actually, on that note, I'd love it if you PM'd me with some notes or advice on how to write as intricately as you.
Keep writing, and remember, it's not horrible unless you believe it is.
Thankyou so much and if you ever need advice I'm here:)
Wow. I mean, I know I may not be too good at reviewing other people's works, but this one is amazing!
)
I found little mistakes, like in the line "And sit open the bench", I can see where there could've been a quick misspell, or maybe autocorrect, as you can tell can be quite annoying when writing, both the best and worst thing about technology these days. The vocabulary used here is terrific, the way it all fits together into a beautiful story.
Overall, this poem was a great read, and I highly recommend you showing your work to more people, if this is the only place you show these works at. You are a true professional at poetry, unlike myself.
(Actually, on that note, I'd love it if you PM'd me with some notes or advice on how to write as intricately as you.
Keep writing, and remember, it's not horrible unless you believe it is.