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E - Everyone

On my own

by brookeallo

Once a moment long ago

two girls just scared to let go.

One rope cascading down the wall

holding us close so we wouldn't fall.

Our hands were sweaty,

and our minds were blurred.

Just two girls stuck in a world.

We did it together,

we climbed to the top,

then we looked down at where we had stopped.

Its hard to imagine,

what would have happened if we had fell,

down from the wall,

to the ground below our feet.

We did it,

We made it,

together, our faces smiling in glee.

Its hard to look back

and imagine how we always believed.

Together we faced challenges,

as hard as could be,

but it seemed at the end,

we had made it so far.

Why should it be over?

The middle was the best part.

I found that we didn't need each other anymore,

as before we were scared of what lie below,

but through the courage and help from one another we could finally let go.

So we jumped from the top,

and kept falling down,

I lost you some point while up in the air.

I searched for a while.

Just waiting to land.

I feared that I couldn't do it without you,

by my side,

but the ground came into focus,

and I seemed to know what to do,

as I put my feet on the dirt ground below.

And doing so all on my own. 

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118 Reviews

Points: 7386
Reviews: 118

Tue May 07, 2019 6:37 pm
FabihaNeera wrote a review...


This is a well written poem! I love the idea of determination to reach the end... and then realizing that we have tbe ability to do it independently. The last line especially shows this idea strongly. I feel like a lot of us are so used to depending on others that we forget to rely on ourselves. Anyway, I think this poem just had a really great idea and carried realistic advice overall.

That's all from me! I dont have any other errors to point, so you did a great job!

Keep Writing. :)

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brookeallo says...

thank you so much :).

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562 Reviews

Points: 14535
Reviews: 562

Tue May 07, 2019 6:39 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...

Hello, FlamingPhoenix here with a few things to say about your poem on this lovely day, and to help get it out the green room.

Okay let's start.

So I did see one thing out of the whole poem that could be fixed.

what would have happened if we had fell,

So the word in bold is what I would like to talk about. As I was reading this it didn't really flow very well, so I think the fell should be changed into a fallen. To me it sounds better. But if you don't agree then don't worry about it.

Okay onto the good things.
There was quit a lot of emotion in this poem, and that's really good, it helps paint the image you want in your readers head as they read, and it's really good if you want to tell a story through your poem, which I think you have done an amazing job on here. It has so may emotions in it, one second you would be happy, then sad or afraid. Depending on what is happening. So great job.
I really liked everything about this poem, the way your started it just got your readers read for the story, and the end, told us it was coming to an end.

Over all this was really, really well written, and I couldn't have done it better, I loved reading this and having the chance to review it to. Never stop writing and post more on YWS soon. Have a great day or night.

Your friend
Reviewing with a fiery passion.

Random avatar
brookeallo says...

Thankyou so much%uD83D%uDE03

Know problem!

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304 Reviews

Points: 19807
Reviews: 304

Tue May 07, 2019 6:31 am
Vulcanite wrote a review...

Hi @brookeallo I am here to do a quick review on your poem here, So the riming for the hole poem was fantastic, I was never board of reading it, I found every line interesting and reel, the description and images with this was amazing, it was a wonder to read it, i really like how your imagination flows with you in this poem every line is filed with an image that amazes me.

Just two girls stuck in a world.

This was for some reason one of my favorite lines. I feel like its just really strong how you have wrote this line.

And doing so all on my own.
this last line hit me with a smile, because as I read it I just started thinking of the time I could finally do something with out needing any help, I feel like this line is very strong and reel in so many great ways. but pleas don't get me wrong the hole poem was amazing to read, just these two line I think were the best lines that tugged at me, I think your a great poet and you should keep writing.

So This is all that I can say. So keep up the great poem writing, your really good at it, I would love to read more of your poems. :D

@EagleFly Out To Seek And Kill

Random avatar
brookeallo says...

Thankyou so much%uD83D%uDE0A

"I wish we could all get along like we used to in middle school... I wish I could bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone would eat and be happy..."
— Unnamed Girl from "Mean Girls"