Young Writers Society

I love the sense of yearning that you express in this poem. You do a great job of representing that desire to both seek out a mother's love without letting her see how much her little girl has changed; this is a strong emotion that makes for a strong theme within poetry as a whole.

I'm a big fan of rhyme schemes, so I enjoyed the ABABAB pattern you employed. The only critique/comment I have is to perhaps shorten that one longer line ("The innocent little girl who didn't know what was to come") if only for the sake of formatting/maintaining a consistent structure, but this is just a personal preference. Aside from that, lovely poem, and keep writing!

Hi!
I love this poem so much! I find it so true and applicable to life. You don’t, in addressing it to your mom, fall back on saying thank you to your mom (even though that’s a great concept too and I’m sure it would be great). You go to trying to explain how much you’ve changed, and it’s really beautiful.
The rhymes were loose, but I thought it fit really well! You didn’t take the safe route here, either. That was really great.
I can’t find anything to suggest for this poem. It was really awesome.
Keep doing what you’re doing!
-Rana Noodles

This is a really sweet poem. It's nice to see a work addressed to one's mother. I can see that the narrator loves his/her mother, and the mother returns the love in great measure. You've done well showing that without simply saying, "I know you love me," or something like that. Instead, you mention the looks of tenderness that she gives. I like that.

I didn't find any parts where there were errors. Good job; it is nicely written.

Now I will give my personal "two cents" about the content of this poem. This is not relevant to the style or quality of writing, just some opinion on the subject. I definitely see that the narrator (perhaps yourself) deeply loves their mother and would never do anything to hurt her, However, if she loves this individual as much as is depicted, she would probably be more hurt to know that they were keeping their pain from her than she would to know the painful things bothering them. True mother's love has a way about it like that, you know? Anyway, that's my two cents.

Overall, great job with your writing! I admire your work!

Dear brookeallo,

This is a beautiful poem for your mom (have you showed your mom? If not then you should👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼 She will love it ❤️❤️❤️). There is always a want top back to the "good old days." This was such a lovely poem. So moving. 👍🏼👏🏼👏🏼 This poem made my heart get so happy that it almost started beating so fast that it almost flew out of my chest. But I have to pull it together because I'm in school 😉😒.

Omg, this poem is so true! And the metaphors are beauuuttiiffuull, they're so heart-wrenching, and they fit perfectly <3. One thing I'd critique is the use of repeating words, like girl, or the using same pronouns over and over again; a little variation might spice it up a bit One more thing I'd do is draw out the moments more, maybe add a few more lines to describe the changes the girl in the piece is going through or throw in some childish talk, like mommy. But overall, this poem is a magnificent representation of the changes a mother,-daughter relationship goes through. Good Work!!

P.S. I really can't get over how beautiful your metaphors wow lol :0

This poem really touched me. It is interesting, how you put this into words. The rhyming style you used was really incredible, you made it rhyme very well. The thing is, you used words that you don't really thing would rhyme1, such as "explain" and "changed". I loved it! The poem really touched me because everyone can relate to this. Every mother wants their child to stay little, but they won't. And the child tries to hide the fact that they are grown, but it never works. The mom sees through. The punctuation, grammar, and spelling was wonderful. Keep on writing and Merry (early) Christmas!

Hi Brookeallo,

I enjoyed the rhymes in this poem. They're different. This is a heartfelt piece about a person who is growing up and who doesn't necessarily want to. There are a lot of lines that can resonate with a lot of people, not just teens. The line "But when the world keeps moving my path changes every day" is something very universal and powerful.

I also enjoy that this is a letter to the mother, you can feel the tension there. The speaker is growing up in a way that the mother doesn't necessarily approve of, or maybe doesn't want to deal with her child growing up so quickly. The speaker has to put on a fake smile because she doesn't want her mother to know how intensely she's feeling everything. "Life has broken me to pieces scattering me across the globe" is another universal theme. I liked the imagery there. Very vivid and emotional. I liked that there were no periods at the end of each line. I would take the period off the last sentence to keep it consistent.

Thank you for sharing,

Dream