Dear Earth
How do you still move?
Rotating around the sun
It doesn’t make sense to me
Why you do this all for us
Us people on your planet
Break you down to dust
Your once beautiful blue waters
Are now nothing but grey and dull
The chemicals are in the air
It's getting harder to breathe
But the people keep working
Money makes us bleed
I’m so so sorry
That you have to sustain all the people
Who don’t even care about your trees
I wish that we could do better
Not only for us but for you
You don’t deserve the burns
You don’t deserve the hurt
You’ve carried us forever
And we haven’t tried to help
We haven’t tried to save you earth
And now is far too late
But I promise that some will try
To plant some more green
To clean up the plastic
That clogs the deep sea
Thankyou earth
For always rotating
I know it must be hard
When the people that you do it for
Seem to have no heart.
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140,085 Literary Works • 672,996 Reviews
Hello! I must say, I really enjoyed this poem. It was a very good way to put it. It is better to understand what is happening if you make it as if the Earth has feelings. It can be very hard to read about what is happening, and what we are doing, but you make easy to read. I didn't really see any spelling mistakes, except in the fifth to last line you put "thank" and "you" together into one word (thankyou). Besides that, your punctuation, spelling, and grammar is all fine. Keep on writing and Merry (early) Christmas!!
Hello brookeallo!
First I want to say wonderful job. This poem is quite simply amazing and it is a wake up call to everyone. You portrayed this very well.
Suggestions
My first suggestion is to add more punctuation throughout the poem. Lines such as Why do you do this for all of us(?) Should have a question mark as the end. In this poem you seem to be speaking in sentences and questions, so punctuation makes the poem feel less like one great big line of words and more like a story.
Just a few small things here, there needs to be a space between "Thank" and "you." Secondly since you are referring to "earth" as a noun it should be capitalized.
Overall, this poem is pretty fantastic. I like that you told a story or it is essentially an apology letter, and you focused on that instead of keeping a rhyme scheme, but the occasional rhymes to really help the poem. Your poem flows very well in my opinion, I just think it needs some punctuation added. Since this is a longer poem, I would suggest dividing it up into stanzas, especially where it feels there should be break. Read the poem to yourself and if you feel like there should be a longer pause, it should probably break into a another stanza. Stanzas aren't necessary, but they can make your poem feel more polished! Again, Well done I am am looking forward to your other works!!
Happy Writing!
SBG
First of all this poem is so sweet! I love how it is supposed to be a letter and yet you make it a poem 🥰 if the world was a person I think that he or she would be so happy that there is some goodness on this Earth.
Definitely a 4 out of 5👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼
Good Job @brookeallo!!! Great poem👏🏼👍🏼👍🏼
P.S.
There is still hope that we can turn back the clock to when this Earth flourished with lush green and shimmery waters.
#MakeThatChange #GoGreen 🌎🌍🌏
This was a bittersweet ode to Earth. It starts out so brutally honest and ends with an air of hope and reassurance while closing with a final callout to the guilty people of Earth.
I even like how this opened. We started out in a bird's-eye-view of the planet Earth and personify the planet with its decision to continue rotating around the sun. It almost elevates the Earth to a level of godliness, having the power to simply give up on us and allow us to die off without question.
If you think about it, it's kind of eerie, and space is such a good backdrop for eeriness or the unknown. To draw the image of a once-brightly-colored Earth now painted in dull tones was really strong in my mind and nearly broke my heart to think about.
I especially loved this line:
It accurately depicts the daily life of the workaholic culture we now live in with such a beautifully constructed phrase.
This poem definitely took a turn to call out the entire population about how little it cares for earth, which is such a daring step yet very powerful. It really puts it into perspective as the speaker then continues to plead on our behalf. I think this poem definitely is that: a plea to continue believing in the people inhabiting it, and how we the people will meet the planet halfway by caring for it in return. Perhaps even a negotiation between planet and people so that everyone can live peacefully.
I really like how this piece closes up with a tie back to the Earth's consistent rotation despite all it has endured over the years. Brings the Earth's power in our lives back into the conversation, reminding us of its significance. I feel like the pacing might be a little off from the few lines of hope, where it discusses how we can help the Earth, to the equally short ending where we point the finger at the humans. It made the ending feel abrupt and unfinished, actually, but that could just be me. Others' input will be valuable on that front.
Aside from that, I'd also suggest perhaps some punctuation to help read these phrases better. It'll help the flow a bit so we know when thoughts begin and end. This piece is definitely more like a letter or ode, so I think proper punctuation will pair well with the piece.
Beautiful job! Keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!
Thankyou so much!:)