As you get older you understand and see more.
You see the shattered pieces of people’s lives,
You see the terrible evil that fills people’s hearts.
As you get older, life becomes more real.
No longer is it fun and games, no longer is it a fantasy world.
It is reality, the thing that we are stuck to inevitably.
Our imaginations allow us to amilessly wander into a better place,
But as we get older, it becomes harder to imagine a better place.
*
*
Surrounded by the cries of the broken and depressed,
It seems like a never ending spiral of doom and despair.
Nothing good seems to get reported, just the horrible and tragic events.
We turn the news on to hear of a shooting, or a kidnapping, but never of a good heart.
It is the newest bombing, the building collapsed, 45 injured, 11 dead.
Why does the world thrive upon this sadness?
There is hope.
*
*
Hope seems like a far-off dream.
Something unobtainable and untrue, like the fantasies we once enjoyed.
But hope is a real thing, actually, hope is a man, but not just any man.
He is God and man, the One who stands in our place as the sacrifice.
He bore the cross and the torture and abuse of those who nailed Him to that tree.
He did not die for you to remain the same, He died so that we would change.
That we might see the light, and throw off the depression of this world.
As I have gotten older I have found there is a hope, despite all the sad things that fill our lives.
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140,159 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Hello, this is Bigmacloves (Mac Desvignes)!!!!!
I have more than enough stuff to tell you about your poem. However, no one has the time to here me talk about useless info. So first I will tell you why I liked the poem and then I will tell you what I disliked about the poem.
Pro~ The main reason I like this poem is because of how true it is. I may only be fourteen, but in the past few years I have learned that life is not fun and games. Life is hard, cruel, and there is never a guarantee that things will turn out on your side. I also I enjoyed this poem because of how you made hope sound like it is the power of life which is honestly true.
Cons~ The only problem I had with this poem is that it sounded more like a page out of story book than a poem. Actually it sounded like a speech, but it is still an amazing piece of literature.
Sincerely Bigmacloves,
Hello, this is RedApril29th!
I absolutely love your poem. Its so true. When I was younger, I never saw all the tragedies behind those sullen eyes. I never heard the crack in a friend or family members voice when they said, "I'm fine". I never realized the truth behind the world, that it's not all rainbows and butterflies.
"Nothing good seems to get reported, just the horrible and tragic events.
We turn the news on to hear of a shooting, or a kidnapping, but never of a good heart.
It is the newest bombing, the building collapsed, 45 injured, 11 dead."
This part really stood out to me because these are my thoughts every time I turn to the news. Why don't we ever hear anything good? If we do, it's only a few seconds long, while all the bad things stay for days. It's so sad.
Please keep writing, especially realistic poems!
~ RedApril29th.
I really liked what you did with this poem! It was very vivid and real. I also liked how it is upfront and honest, not hinting around the main point. It really makes you think! Not all poems are as upfront and honest as this... but I think you really did an awesome job with this one.
I like the peom. It's realistic and realisticly sad, while being hopeful which is always a nice mix.
I like the dose of reality this poem gave. It speaks not only of one's self but the surroundings of the one as well. I feel like there should have been a bit more diversity in the problems displayed in the poem, though. So that there would be more people around the world that could connect with it.
-QuietQuila-
Hey, Weather here with a review.
You have a great piece of poetry here, I like how the mood shifts as the poem continues on at each point, each verse was coherent but still had its' own story. I also like how your poetry centered around God and had a positive message and encouragement.
I have a few suggestions that you may like to take into account.
I felt the first verse fell slightly flat in comparison to the other two, which were more effective.
"As you get older you understand and see more.
You see the shattered pieces of people’s lives,
You see the terrible evil that fills people’s hearts."
The general issue I had in the first verse was that it was all quite simple, which was fine but it was self explanatory, the opening stanza should be capturing to the reader in my opinion. I liked the last two lines, the first line didn't hold any particular emotion nor made an impact as the opening, perhaps a more bold statement or metaphor for getting older.
"As you get older, life becomes more real.
No longer is it fun and games, no longer is it a fantasy world.
It is reality, the thing that we are stuck to inevitably.
Our imaginations allow us to amilessly wander into a better place,
But as we get older, it becomes harder to imagine a better place."
"aimilessly", should be aimlessly. The first line again is a bit of an average statement, I see what you're trying to say but it's not phrased in the most interesting way. The second line, I would've liked to see an elaboration of exactly a fantasy world may be. In the last two lines, personally, I wouldn't repeat "better place" so closely together.
Overall this piece was good to read, hope I was of help to you.
--Weather
Beautiful!! I love it. I love the way you start out speaking of light and joy and innocence, then explain how that innocence fades and you start to see the terrible darkness in the world. You successfully make it seem depressing, like the world you're trying to describe, and then you turn it around on us and start talking about hope. What I love even more than that is your reference to God and Jesus Christ. I'm a very religious person, so that really drove your poem home for me. Thank you for sharing this wonderful piece of work!
Here to review! Okay, so first off I'm a little curious about the *'s you use. (I'm not sure what they're called.) But I don't undertand why they are there? Also, I'm not sure if this is part of your poem or not but if it's not, excuse me. But what is this? :"As I have gotten older I have found there is a hope, despite all the sad things that fill our lives." Again, not sure if it's part of your poem or not, but if it is, I don't see where it fits in. Also, some of the lines are a lot shorter than others, which makes for a difficult flow. As in, if I read this aloud, which I would have done if I was not in school, it would kind of confuse me. I think this poem has a lot of good potential, and it is a good poem. Just a few things need a little tweaking.
Have a wonderful day, and keep writing!
~Sarai
The asterisks(*) are there to separate the verses, that's all. The ending sentence is just a note more than anything, though I feel it definitely fits in in with the theme of the poem. Poems don't have to be written in any special way, this is totally free verse, and that is why some sentences are longer than others.
Yes, I understand that. Please understand that I'm not being rude, because it is something I hate when people do, is review rudely. But I think, personally that it would flow better if the lines were closer to the same size. I am not saying that you re-write your whole poem. It's your poem, do what you want with it.