Conics Unfortunately: 74 (end)

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I had just found our car when Tejal spun his head around to track someone who was running toward us. When his eyes widened, I followed his gaze and let out an almost embarrassing chirp.

Ellie was back.

She looked different in person. I knew she had grown her hair out, but seeing it stream out behind her like a tail hammered in how long it had grown. Her face seemed somehow different, too. I make no claims to be an expert on Earthlings and the tiny details of their faces, but it seemed the roundness of her cheeks had faded, rather like Tejal’s had while we were testing the first pinpoint fold generator network.

Ellie dropped to her knees and slid the last fin-width or so, and then collapsed onto me in a tight hug.

“Oh my goodness!” she sobbed, her pitch wobbling. She pulled back, tears glistening in her eyes, and looked back and forth between me and Tejal. Then she surged up to catch Tejal in another hug. “I missed you so much!”

Tejal let out a broken laugh and patted Ellie’s back. “We missed you too.”

She released Tejal and blinked, pink splotching over her face. It is so funny that earthlings blush pink instead of green.

“Oh my gosh. I am crying in a train station,” she said in English. “That is so embarrassing.”

“I’m about to cry too, so, it’s cool.”

I wiggled and felt my gills wave. I had seen it before, but the way Earthlings expel water from their eyes sometimes is strange. One would think the scrunching and stretching of their faces would be enough to show that they are sad.

Ellie sniffled loudly and swiped across her face, and then gave me and Tejal a red-eyed grin. “I cannot believe you are here. What if we missed each other? I meant to see a bit of Paris today.”

“I thought the trials were still ongoing,” I sang.

“They are just about done with me,” Ellie replied, standing up again. She unhooked the luggage from the back of Tejal’s wheelchair and fidgeted with the button on the handle. “You remember I called you after my contract was annulled?”

Of course we remembered that.

“Well, after that I had to give testimony at Andra’s trials—they are under house arrest, though we have no property on Earth—and then I spoke at one or two smaller convictions, and then part of the big ongoing Andra-Media trial, and by now the court is getting into bureaucracy stuff that I had nothing to do with.” As she spoke, Ellie hunched over slightly, but she perked up right after and rubbed more saltwater off of her face, clearly not willing to let the more sober thoughts of law and court get in the way of our reunion.

“So,” she continued, “were you two coming to see me?”

“Ah, yeah,” Tejal said. “We were in the neighborhood, relatively speaking, so we wanted to see you in person.”

“We tried a few more investment markets,” I added. “Did you know that your planet is better designed for me to get around than it is for Tejal?”

Ellie arched an eyebrow. “I am not surprised. What system are you hitting next?”

“Maybe Gant,” Tejal and I answered, almost at the same time. Ellie squinted at us, trying to pick apart the simultaneous answers, and then nodded.

“Crane and Shell wanted to get back into bounty hunting work, right?” she asked next. “For their retirement funds?”

It was a rather sudden change of topics, and Tejal tilted his head at the question. “Yeah. They were thinking about it.”

Ellie looked down at her shoes and clasped her hands together. “Cool. Cool. I uh, assume that means you two will need a new ship for your scientific endeavors.”

Tejal sent her a funny look, and as soon as Mouthbot finished translating, I wrinkled my nose at her.

“That sounded rehearsed.”

Smiling in a pinched way that seemed both wry and embarrassed, Ellie scratched the back of her neck and looked away. “I spent part of my severance suit settlement on a ship,” she said, very quickly. I know this because after Mouthbot stumbled over the talking speed, she sang the same thing to me.

I hit the ground lightly with my tail. “I thought you put that money away for university.”

“I did!” Ellie explained. “But there was just so much, and I heard from Soph that Captain Maj was buying a new ship—it is called the Statistics—so I sent a slow transmission and hoped it reached them in time for me to buy the Conics.”

I wrapped myself around Ellie’s legs immediately. “You bought the Conics! We get to use her for research?”

She nodded. When I looked over at Tejal, he wore the same gleeful expression I did, though obviously his facial structure was different.

“Are you coming with us?” he asked, leaning forward in anticipation.

“For a little bit while I write my university applications, yes.”

I squeezed tighter, and Ellie wobbled, almost toppling over.

“Okay,” she sang, voice tight, “maybe we should get somewhere else to talk about all this. Doing it in the middle of a train station feels weird.”

We abandoned the train to Rotterdam and strolled, slow with the effort of talking and catching up, discussing what would happen next. Sometimes I remember it wrong, but Ellie and Tejal both confirmed as I was writing that we did, in fact, talk about what would come after the pinpoint fold generator. We wanted to put Mouthbot out into the world, and Ellie wanted to work on a formal Titan independence.

We had so much work to do.

- A Rough Translation of Focci's Ballad

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
TheSilverFox
Review

We had so much work to do.


Haha I'm literally crying. ;-;

Time for the final review! It's weird as heck to think I've reached this point - I started reviewing these chapters around July 7th, 2017, so it's been almost a year. It's the first YWS novel I've read and reviewed from start to finish, and I'm very happy that, among the many I could've gone through, I chose this one. But yeah, enough chatter. This is a fantastic ending! Focci's perspective is as well-communicated and hilarious as ever, whether in his comments about crying or how Earth architecture and transportation systems really suck for the disabled. While I agree that it's a bit weird to end through his viewpoint, since Ellipse is the main protagonist, I don't necessarily mind? You manage to cover what's happening with everyone regardless; Ellipse bought the Conics and is going to university, the gato are going to work their way to a happy retirement, and the nerds have the ship they need to be keeping nerds. Besides, something about Focci's confusion over crying and human expressions adds to the scene. It made me want to cry, ironically. Focci's viewpoint adds a nice amount of snark and humor in a story that's thrived off of both, which balances well with everyone gushing over the end of Ellipse's trials and her buying the Conics. So yeah, the conclusion includes a lot of this novel's hallmarks, and that's part of why I like it so much.

Pfff everything else I want to say is just random observations. I'm surprised to be Andra's under house arrest, but then I have to remind myself that hey, they're probably "confined" in either the Andra-Media satellite or some big mansion somewhere. Maybe I'm exaggerating the gilded part over the cage part, but I'm not super concerned. Also, with the Andra-Media heads going down - indicated by the other convictions and the big trial - Andra could potentially stand to seize control of the company when they're released (or even beforehand, depending on the nature of their imprisonment). Other than that, there's the Statistics. Really? XD Hey, at least it's an A+ name, even if statistics frustrates me about as much as conic sections. I'm curious to know why Captain Maj bought it, but I'm nevertheless very happy to see the original trio has their ship. Granted, Ellipse will be heading off to university soon enough, and she has big plans in her future. The ending of the chapter indicates that they'll still keep in touch, though, and I can only imagine the pinpoint fold generator and Mouthbot turn out to be revolutionary successes. And, of course, formalizing Titan's independence, which will do wonders in assuring political stability and universal peace. These guys and their big dreams. ;-;

And that's about all I have to say! Uni will definitely mess around with my time, but I definitely wouldn't mind reading future drafts. Thanks for writing this wonderful novel, congrats on making it so far through LMS, and I look forward to seeing what you write next! Great job! :D

User avatar
ExOmelas
Review

Okay, I decided just to review it since I remembered you were out of town and I don't think I could wait that long xD

Nit-picks:

I wiggled and felt my gills wave. I had seen it before, but the way Earthlings expel water from their eyes sometimes is strange. One would think the scrunching and stretching of their faces would be enough to show that they are sad.

It seems unlikely that Focci would be unfamiliar with bodies doing strange things that aren't necessarily voluntary. Surely sirens have their own equivalents - maybe they unconsciously whistle when their nervous, or their fins flap when they get excited.

Overall:

So, I'm actually having a little trouble here, because I do just think that this seems too easy. A plan was laid out, they went through the motions, and now they are through the other side. I'm not even really sure why she needed the fold generator to put her plan into action, rather than just going to a newspaper with her story, or even just putting it out from whatever outlet she sent it to from the Andra-Media satellite. As a result, while I'm happy that they get to spend lots of time together, it doesn't really feel like they've gone through hell to get there, so it doesn't really feel particularly earned.

That being said, I have had an insane amount of fun reading this story, and I don't think it will take too much strain in the next draft to sort out some of these problems. You have solid, compelling characters. You have an insanely detailed setting, and you have the setup for some perfectly gut-wrenching plot arcs. All you have to do is find some extra complications to hype up the jeopardy, and you are without a doubt creative enough that this should be very little trouble.

I look forward to seeing where redrafts take you, though I understand if you'd like to take a little time off. Please please tag me in any redrafted chapters you post.

Hope I've helped,
Biscuits :)

p.s. I am so so so impressed that you have finished an entire draft of a novel; that is so cool!

User avatar
BluesClues
Review

“We tried a few more investment markets,” I added. “Did you know that your planet is better designed for me to get around than it is for Tejal?”


#SHOTSFIRED but also sadly accurate 10/10 for disabled representation

Andra’s trials—they are under house arrest


Are the feds trying to figure out if Andra was involved in the flounced child labor laws, or? I guess I'm just not sure why they're under house arrest/in trouble. Unless they broke some law in their plans to take down Andra-Media.

Oh, well, actually, on that note, I guess they kind of pulled a Martha Stewart with the inside stock knowledge. That's a reason.

(If that's not the reason...feel free to just use it, but also please tell me what the reason is.)

It's an interesting choice to end on a Focci chapter. The story does start with Focci (I popped back to chapter one to check), but not his perspective, which would probably make this feel a little weirder if a) the story was loads shorter and b) I'd read it way faster.

(On that note I feel like you deserve a special award for being the first to see your novel through to the end.)

Since the novel's so long and I read it over the course of a year, it didn't throw me that the story ended in a different perspective than it started, but it's just something to think about. The same perspective would feel more like bookends nicely sandwiching the whole story, but at the same time I like the way this scene plays out? Plus you know I'm a sucker for every little world-building detail where Focci thinks something strange about human stuff that exists in real life.

I also adore the fact that they end with Our Heroes buying the Conics and going out into the universe to adventure together forever. (Or, well, for until Ellie goes to school.) What a lovely way to leave off. I mean, I realize the adventuring in question is, like, research for technology and future entrepreneurship, but you know what? That's cool, it's nice to see that Our Heroes get to use things they've learned or done over the course of the story in the future and have, well, job prospects, basically.

There is wifi in the counselor lodge so here I am to respond to your lovely lovely reviews! Thanks so much for seeing this through to the end with me!!! I will have to ruminate on everything you've told me after I get back to having a computer, which should be a nice break so I can distance myself from the work a little.

It is weird that I ended with Focci's perspective. You're definitely right about that. I'm just not sure how I would want to get across the whole "book ends here but the story doesn't" thing with Ellipse's timeline. I might just take out the interludes? Idk at this point. Also I have no idea if I'll still be super invested in this when I get back. Last time I did lms I dropped the work like a hot potato as soon as I finished and have no intention of really fixing it right now. But if you're interested I will let you know when I start editing!!

Thanks again!!!

Lol awesome! I do like the interludes but you could certainly try it without them and see how it feels. I can understand definitely wanting to give it some time to breathe after LMS, plus you could probably use a break! But I do hope you come back to it eventually, and of course I'd be happy to help out/re-read/whatever you need if you decide to revise!



It's unsettling to know how little separates each of us from another life altogether.
— Wes Moore, The Other Wes Moore