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Young Writers Society



Conics Unfortunately: 15

by Ventomology


For obvious reasons, Crane and Shell encouraged me to download terabyte upon terabyte of earthling media. Shortly after the Pax, it was mostly movies. Either Crane or Shell would tuck me under the magnetically locked blankets and do their best to curl up around me, twin tails dancing in the blue light from my tablet. Then it was homeschooling material, which I filled out during the mind-numbing weeks spent stuck in empty space, because I had little else to do, and Crane made sure that I stayed bored enough to want to learn my times tables. Then I started downloading news.

Crane and Shell cared little for earthling politics and news, partly because they did not need to care, and partly because they did not understand earthlings. I asked many times why gato could not understand earthlings when I seemed to understand both species so easily. Crane would always flick his tails and sneeze and make an excuse about needing to be elsewhere, like running space-time calculations or turning off the oven. Shell would turn a somersault—whether we were in zero-g or not—and shrug, saying that maybe I would be the mastermind who figured that out someday.

My wife tells me now that gato culture became ultra-homogeneous after the specifus tech introduction, and therefore the planet rarely sees the belief-clashing that has plagued earthlings for millennia. Then she points out that I was raised as though belief-clashing wasn’t a thing, despite always reading up on earthling problems, and thus understood both sides of the exchange.

I told Crane and Shell about the attack on Mars about a week after the event actually happened. The Ink sat in a tiny hole-in-the-wall docking bay in the Un terminal, looking cramped and huge, despite its actual dinkiness, and the three of us lounged about underneath the ship’s belly, waiting for the fold to open to the Avia system. My tablet lay on the ground between us, too hot to touch because of all the downloads.

“Tell us about Earth,” said Shell, shifting one paw to rest over the other. “What’s happened since we were last at a fold terminal?” Shell admitted once that he never really cared about Earth, but asked in order to make sure I would research my own home planet.

Tentative, I reached out and tapped the tablet screen. It was still warm, but the processor could handle a little search. In a few moments, I had a topic ready. “The main colony on Mars was bombed by Titan extremists last week,” I recited. “Since then, both UN and US spacecraft have engaged with the Titan forces in small skirmishes throughout the system. I think they want independence.”

“Who is ‘they?’” asked Crane, an admonishing growl in his voice.

“The Titan people.”

Shell turned to coo at his mate. “I think the antecedent there was obvious. And do stop with the grammar lessons. His English is as good as anything we make him listen to.”

As always, Crane pretended at being irritable. He rolled over so his back faced me and Shell, but his ears still swiveled our way.

“Tell us some more,” Shell prompted.

“I guess everyone is worried that Earth will be next?” I shrugged and looked down at the tablet screen, skimming for interesting tidbits. “There’s some stuff about this situation mirroring the American Revolution. That’s from the BBC. But all the American outlets are calling the Titan people terrorists.”

I read until Crane pulled down the boarding plank and Shell nudged me up into my room, and then kept reading. Though at the time, I would have said I just felt like reading a lot that day, I admit now to feeling a kind of morbid compulsion. I was curious about the people who had killed my parents. Not angry. It was as though I needed permission in order to hate, because I hardly remembered the Pax, and Crane and Shell never spoke of my parents except to mention little, neutral details.

You know Earth was never hit. A month later, as I sat against Shell’s side in a temporary roosting room on Avia, I scrolled through week-old news sent through the terminals, bored out of my skull. Crane was out stalking a target; his black fur made it easier for him to hide in Avia’s dark foliage.

Avia is hot beyond measure. Shell had cranked up the air conditioning in the room and settled into a tub of water, head heavy and lethargic, and I sat in front of a fan, wishing I could lie down and still feel the air passing over me. The red light of the system’s sun made everything look intimidating, even the windows.

“Titan extremists were intercepted sort of close to Earth’s moon,” I reported, letting the words roll off my tongue, slow and lazy.

Shell groaned.

“Apparently they were headed for DC, but their trajectory was bad and they might have fired a missile on some place in the Philippines, had the UN ships not stopped them.”

“That’s nice.”

When we stopped at a funny-looking, run-down pit stop in the Triune system, I tagged along behind Crane as he went to purchase an atmospheric reset, mumbling over the news I had picked up at the fold terminal and trying to get him to sound interested.

“The Titan rebels hit Europa today, did you know? And some people say they’re planning to hit every US base in the outer solar system within the week. Wouldn’t that be crazy? How would they do that?”

Crane told me that he didn’t know, and swished his tails along the ground in a gesture that I knew meant he was annoyed.

The next month, I was calling the Titan people pirates, and then independence fighters, and then terrorists, after they hit a passenger ship heading towards the fold terminal. Later I learned that the ship also had weapons in its cargo hold, ready to be shipped to the new UN flagship and attached to the UNGS Geneva, and the opinion article I read on the shipment hailed the Titan fighters as brilliant underdog tacticians.

I changed alliances again.

-A Life Unfolded: the Story of Tejal Sethi


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Fri Jul 28, 2017 8:25 pm
ExOmelas wrote a review...



Hey, here just in time for my review of the day ^.^

Nit-picks and nice moments:

I was raised as though belief-clashing wasn’t a thing

This seems a bit informal for the register of the narration so far.

Shell admitted once that he never really

I think it should be "had" admitted.

Who is ‘they?’

The second apostrophe should be before the question mark.

Crane pretended at being irritable

This phrasing is a bit clunky.

There’s some stuff about this situation mirroring the American Revolution. That’s from the BBC. But all the American outlets are calling the Titan people terrorists.

Heh. Hehe. Hehehehehe.

Overall:

Character: It was pretty easy to figure out who this was from the POV of, which I remember being an issue from the last time you did a flashback. However, because the last time you did a flashback and didn't state who it was it was Focci, so this time I automatically assumed it was Focci at first.

As for the characterisation of Tejal, I am enjoying being able to see inside his head, but I'd like something about his attitude towards bounty hunting in general. We see why he's against who he's against, but his methods are sketchy no matter what. I'd be intrigued to learn what got him there.

Setting: Some setting would have been good. Some description of his home would increase the personalisation.

Plot: So, to be honest, the most interesting part of this is the last line. In that line, I see that Tejal is writing an autobiography. That is really, really interesting. How on earth did he get there?? As for the rest of the information, it does feel a bit like infodumping. This seems like stuff that could have come out through character interaction, which is always easier to read. Your style is awesome, so it's still enjoyable, but just be careful.

Hope this helps,
Biscuits :)




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Sat Jul 22, 2017 10:55 pm
TheSilverFox wrote a review...



haha it's funny because Ellipse made a similar argument about the homogenization of the gatos in the previous chapter I'm going to go scream in surprise now


Okay, fine, if there's two things that I'm always attracted towards, it's war and politics. This chapter contains ample amounts of both, so I must give it my stamp of approval. It basically confirms what I suspected might be the case with Titan - that it's a rebellious state seeking to sever ties with the UN and US as it pursues its own independence at any cost (which really doesn't make it any more radical than any past rebellion). Admittedly, I was also balancing that with the prospect of a rouge, tyrannic dictatorship instigating terrorist attacks, because I've read far too many examples of both kinds of wars in history books. Regardless, given this information, it's at this point that I hypothesize Tejal's parents were peacekeepers/diplomats (Pax literally being the Latin for "peace", as in Pax Romana or Pax Mongolica) who may have been shot down or faced an "accident" at the hands of some of the earliest vestiges of the Titan rebellion. This, in turn, may have worsened Earth-Titan relationships to the point of the conflicts mentioned in this flashback.

Even if that's not the case, Tejal is likely as close to the Earth-Titan conflict as Ellipse is. Due to ambiguous syntax, I'm not sure who exactly he says is his parents' killers, but his human parents were almost certainly allied to one side or another. As it appears that humans are more fragmented ideologically than other species, they were likely killed by the other side of humans. Heck, they could have even been Titan diplomats stamped underfoot by an uncaring Earth looking for a vassal state, which may have furthered the flames of rebellion.

Still, since I've gone on for way too long, the amount of the worldbuilding on the Titan conflict is wonderful, juxtaposed nicely with the adventures of a far-less-than-ordinary family traveling the stars. The cultural separation of gatos and humans is discussed clearly, yet I appreciate that Tejal's parents try to make sure he knows as much about his home world as possible, as well as treat him as kindly as they can. The pacing and settings are fantastic (and "dinkiness" makes me crack up), as are the hints provided of Tejal's wife and his present thoughts vs. his past ones. Beyond that, the comment about the difference between American and British media is hilarious, mostly as I spend a lot of my time reading through BBC news these days and note that it takes a less opinionated stance than even groups like The Washington Post or The New York Times (both of which I frequent). And, of course, America has had a prestigious history of trampling over countries with governments that don't like it, all the while still praising its own independence. Remember Nicaragua and the Sandinistas? Finally, the passenger ship that was carrying weapons in the cargo hold almost exactly mirrors the situation of the RMS Lusitania, down to the location of the ammunition. Was this intentional or not? As a history buff, it certainly surprised me and caught my interest, and makes me just a bit more suspicious of both Earth and Titan.

This is much longer review than normal, I know, but it was a fantastic, error-free chapter that covered one of my favorite subjects, so I felt like blabbing. Nicely done!




Ventomology says...


I knew I could count on you to review my dastardly political drama moments. Colonialism is so fun.

Anyways, I admit to being vague about a lot of things, but I guess I hadn't put together that I was being too vague about Tejal's parents. You pieced his story together quite well, but I think when I rewrite, I'll have to make his parents' fate a little more obvious.

Thanks so much!



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Sun Jun 04, 2017 6:51 pm
BluesClues wrote a review...



“There’s some stuff about this situation mirroring the American Revolution. That’s from the BBC. But all the American outlets are calling the Titan people terrorists.”


TYPICAL.

I liked seeing the narrator's perspectives on Titan change with each new news story, as he finds out further information about their actions and the causes of their actions - particularly the last bit, when he starts to consider them terrorists for bombing a passenger ship, but then he finds out the passenger ship was loaded with weapons. Not cool to bomb a passenger ship, but it's also not cool to load one up with weapons and endanger the passengers that way.

I too am confused by the tablet, but not for the same reason. I don't mind that there's a tablet in super high-tech spaceworld. I just think it's funny that it would overheat from excessive use when even today's tablets don't much overheat. Even if they did, I'd think that wouldn't be much of a problem so far off in the future.

(That's actually one of the best things about my tablet - even though it's basically a laptop because I keep the keyboard attached at all times and it's clunkier than the typical tablet, the part with all the hardware that might overheat is the part that doesn't sit in my lap, so it never does overheat and it doesn't run slow after a year like my Netbook used to.)

As ever with the Tejal bits, I don't see how they tie in. They always feel like a completely separate story, a spinoff of Conics, using some of the same characters but otherwise unrelated. I'm hoping that at some point more of a connection will become clear.

Image




Ventomology says...


Oh, we'll get to the tie-in. You might groan at me, but it will happen.

Thanks for reviewing, as always! It's fun to get your reviews because you always catch the world-building/plot things that I forget to think about.



BluesClues says...


Am I going to groan because it somehow involves an awful pun? Because if it involves an awful pun somehow with far too long a set up, I'll probably giggle, actually.



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Fri Jun 02, 2017 2:31 am
PrincessInk wrote a review...



So hello Ventomology. I believe I ever read a novel chapter of yours a long time ago, and I'm jumping in fresh. Again. Sorry if I say something that I should understand if I read the previous parts.

Right now, this is a self-contained story so it's easier for me to review! So I actually enjoyed this chapter. I'm assuming that Tejal was raised by Crane and Shell and they're alone? So we're learning about this "Pax" (attack?).

I'm also curious how Tejal could obtain a tablet? This seems to be a rather space-travelling mission so I assume the technology is much, much advanced and there's something more than just tablets? Not too sure myself. And I also wonder how the gatos got hold of one, unless it was around with Tejal.

Since his parents died, would Tejal feel some kind of grief? Because he feels like a bored person and it makes me wonder if he actually knew his parents well. I'm sure anybody who grew up with them--as long as they weren't heinous or something--would feel sad and stunned to learn of their death.

I really liked the last line. The last paragraph of changing-opinions did a great buildup for the "I changed alliances again". Just as a nitpick:

When we stopped at a funny-looking, run-down pit stop in the Triune system, I tagged along behind Crane as he went to purchase an atmospheric reset, mumbling over the news I had picked up at the fold terminal and trying to get him to sound interested.


The first time I read this, I assumed the "mumbling..interested" part applied to Crane, not Tejal. I would probably rephrase it as

When we stopped at a funny-looking, run-down pit stop in the Triune system, I tagged along behind Crane. As he went to purchase an atmospheric reset, I mumbled over the news I had picked up at the fold terminal and trying to get him to sound interested.


But then the two periodic sentences in a row...not that great.

Overall, I haven't got too much to comment on--I really enjoyed this chapter like I said and the only little confusions above are maybe they could be my own problem for not reading the previous chapters. PM me if you have any questions, and I hope I helped! :D

Image




Ventomology says...


Ah, yeah, that is a little awkward. Thanks for coming back to read this bit!



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Thu Jun 01, 2017 1:48 am
BluesClues says...



*poke me tomorrow because bed soon*





A true poet does not bother to be poetical. Nor does a nursery gardener scent his roses.
— Jean Cocteau