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Young Writers Society



Conics Unfortunately: 72

by Ventomology


I thought, like any teenager who watches too many action movies, that when Shell told me we would ask Elliott about her situation, we would conduct an interrogation. And really, that’s where everything went wrong.

Or maybe that’s where everything went right. I think, no matter what, Andra-Media would have lost. The Independent Titan attacks and Andra’s use of them to set everything in motion created a gap in Andra-Media’s defenses by setting a witness loose in the universe. So for Ellie, I think every option was similar; eventually she would be out from under Andra-Media’s thumb.

She could have stayed hidden until Andra’s plan went into effect. She could have spilled everything to Crane and Shell the moment they let her know they would not let her suffer. No matter what, someone would have exposed Andra-Media’s treatment of their workers.

The moment I attacked her on the earthling fold monitor, I saw the pseudo fire that every teenager has in their eyes, that blend of snark and disillusionment native to adolescence, turn into real fire. In that moment when capture was imminent, she made the choice to remain free.

My family pursued her, of course. At this point, my parents’ enjoyment of the hunt kicked in, but the real reason we kept after her was because Ellipse’s mysterious words caught our curiosities. I remember feeling a distant and jarring shock as she slipped away into the mess of metal and cement and bodies that made up the fold monitor. Elliott Bei had never existed? That was preposterous. Tabloids mentioned her birthday every year, and everyone knew Andra had a little sister. Even people on Titan, who had known the siblings before their fame, confirmed the existence of an Elliott Bei.

We stopped by the citizenship database to confirm her words and found her correct, which made my parents even more interested in her, especially when we found that Andra Bei had reregistered very shortly after Independent Titan’s bombings. It seemed odd that the siblings would not go together. The man who helped us frowned when he noticed this as well, his angular face crinkling in confusion. I only just made out his expression; the desks were quite tall at the citizenship database, and Crane and Shell had to prop themselves up on the desktops with their paws in order to see.

Shipping destinations are made public, which helps both pirates and protective forces locate ships. My parents and I trailed the Conics to Planet Five, and at the time, I thought this was really where things went sour.

Ellie seemed to make friends quickly. The moment my parents prowled up to the tyran and specifus on the crew and asked about her, the Conics crew went on the defensive. Or at least, that is how my parents related the story to me. They asked me to locate Ellie upon noticing that she was not with the ship and rest of the crew.

Again, I mistook locating for subduing, which was probably stupid on my part. I have no excuses for that. I distinctly remember chasing her through the station, with snowy, crystalline Planet Five hanging in the background. That was the sorest my arms had gotten in a while; every subsequent chase involving Ellie also involved her pushing me, thankfully. I once wound up with bruises all over from holding Focci in my lap though.

And then I saw my parents being led away, and I knew somewhere, we had screwed up.

For all that I lived with bounty hunters, I was unfamiliar with the courts and the general ways in which government inserts itself into daily life. I remember rolling up to Ellie and Focci, the two of them already discussing their course of action, astounded at the open space in front of them.

I felt inferior as Ellie talked to me after that. She explained the legal system, which I immediately marked as suspicious, but had no way of acting on at the time, and then sang to Focci, keeping me out of the conversation. Once I joined Crane and Shell, I had never been kept out of a conversation before, or at least not so blatantly. It hurt to have our positions switched, with Ellie in power and me a subject of her whims.

But then, as she turned to walk away, she shot me a grin, one that crinkled her eyes just enough to be kind, and invited me along.

- A Life Unfolded: the story of Tejal Sethi


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Sun Jun 24, 2018 7:49 pm
TheSilverFox wrote a review...



Again, I mistook locating for subduing, which was probably stupid on my part.


<.< no comment >.>

Third-to-last review! And there's no grammar or spelling issues, so yay! Man, I love the sense of closure this chapter provides. Tejal comes in and wraps up a lot of mysteries and lingering questions, especially concerning the earliest chapters. The audience finally gets to see the motivation behind his chasing after Ellipse in the first place when he could have chosen any other, friendlier approach. There's something amusing in Tejal deciding to take an action movie route, but hey, he was a naive teenager in a dangerous line of work. What else was he going to do? Also, the phrase "Elliot Bei doesn't exist" makes sense now. Granted, I probably should've figured it out beforehand, since Ellipse's papers being destroyed in the Independent Titan attack has been referenced repeatedly since then. Still, tying that plot thread to that statement is a brilliant move, and I love how you explain it through the eyes, ears, and words of several characters. Aaaand I probably shouldn't, but I keep imagining Shell and Crane placing their paws on a desktop and aaaagh too cute. ;-;

Did I mention the discrepancy here? It's very entertaining to watch an older, more mature Tejal comment on his past actions. There's a nice blend of honesty and eye-rolling as he details the circumstances behind his meeting Ellipse. He even covers how he and his parents found Ellipse again, thanks to the public records of the Conics (which probably explains why Ellipse kept running into bounty hunters). But, despite the obvious criticism, at least he gives his past self credit; Ellipse could've beaten back Andra-Media in a lot of ways, whether hiding or not. By pursuing her and causing all this trouble in the first place, chances are they either never would've met, or never would've had the chance to become friends and ultimately work together to smash Andra-Media's control over her. At least, that's how I interpret "Or maybe that’s where everything went right." It helps that, in the ending of the chapter, Ellipse and Focci invited Tejal to come along - after originally shutting out Tejal with the magical power of language barriers - and present-day Tejal seems to think of that moment fondly.

Haha yeah, this is a sweet chapter. It reads smoothly, wraps up some mysteries, patches up possible plot holes, and provides valuable context. The descriptions are vivid and distinctive as either (I recognized Space Aspen - or was it Space Vail? - immediately), and contribute to the sense of mystery and friendship. Great job!




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Fri Jun 22, 2018 4:35 pm
ExOmelas wrote a review...



Alrighty, Take Two.

No nit-picks this time.

I really like the idea of this chapter as we approach the end. I think it's important that we look back at what has come before and are reminded of the long journey that these characters have been on, both cosmically and personally. We remember a time when we didn't know what was going on with Ellipse, and didn't know that the three of them would become such good friends. Reading BlueAfrica's review I have to slightly disagree, in that I think it was a fairly natural transition for them to go from maliciously bugging each other to playfully but respectfully bugging each other, but I might have to read a few sections again before I was certain on that. In either case, it is useful to see what one of the main arcs has been in this story.

However, the way the chapter starts off sets up some suspense that I don't get an answer to. What is essentially saying "Andra-Media was always going to go down" really feels like it should be followed by a "... but..." I'm waiting for a plot bombshell to drop and me to get some sort of stomach churning realisation of what price it came at, but it never quite comes.

Hope this helps,
Biscuits :)




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Thu Jun 21, 2018 10:42 pm
BluesClues wrote a review...



I saw the pseudo fire that every teenager has in their eyes, that blend of snark and disillusionment native to adolescence, turn into real fire.


100% in love with this line

So I think this chapter is really important because one thing to work on in the next draft is better developing the relationship between Ellie and the boys (particularly Tejal). ignore the fact that I may be projecting my own relationship development issues on you Like I think it all takes off really well from the moment several chapters back where she almost told them the truth about herself and then when she finally did - the "almost" moment, I remember Tejal telling her that he and his parents wouldn't take her in if she had run off for a good reason, like being in danger or something.

ANYWAY. Once that happened, I think their relationship really took off, but I still sort of feel like there was a gap between their relationship before and their relationship from that point, and the main reason it didn't bug me too much was that we had all these Tejal/Focci chapters that skipped ahead to show us a time when they were friends.

(Possibly also because it seemed inevitable that they would eventually become friends?)

Idk you can definitely get some second opinions on that because it never really bugged me but I just kind of feel like it could use a little more work. BUT ANYWAY my point was that I like this chapter because it helps with that! Because we're seeing Tejal's perspective from before they were really friends, and we see something that shows us that he sort of felt friendly toward her/was in a way to become friends with her from early on. That last line in particular. So I think it just helps fill in the gaps by showing us how Tejal felt about it before, rather than once they're all best buddies.





Perfect kindness acts without thinking of kindness.
— Lao Tse