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Young Writers Society



Conics Unfortunately: 14

by Ventomology


Before Ellipse could reach Wrecktrix, a very tall, very muscular earthling man shot out from nowhere and tackled the tyran and his two assailants to the ground. She was not entirely sure—the whole scene had been a little quick—but the man might have delivered a flying kick in the process. And then, as though tackling a tyran to the ground was not a feat in of itself, he bent over Wrecktrix’s sprawled-out limbs and wrenched both gato off at the same time.

Granted, gato were not particularly powerful, especially compared to the big earth felines, but the act of ripping them off someone still looked impressive.

Confused and intimidated, Ellipse froze, jaw hanging slack. The man stood on Wrecktrix’s back, a gato under each arm, and barked at Min. “You there!”

Min flashed at the captain, unsure of how to convey the whole specifus-have-no-sense-of-hearing thing.

“Yes, you!” shouted the man. He shifted his weight, and Wrecktrix let out a weak caw. “As a member of the Aquilo Station Police, I order you to cease this violent altercation and follow me to a holding room! Failure to comply will result in a turnover of justice to the Triune System Courts, who, I am told, are not as forgiving as the local earthling court!”

Perhaps the man had not registered the fact that he was the only person doing anything remotely violent at this point.

“Do you understand?” he bellowed. Deep space, the dude was annoying.

Ellipse groaned. She sent Focci a look of exhaustion as he pulled up next to her and dumped her bags on the ground before taking a small, hesitant step towards Wrecktrix and his now three assailants. “Uh, Officer?” she tried.

He snapped to look at her, a tight, loopy frown twisting his chin. “Yes, girl?”

“Ah, you are aware that specifus do not have any way to hear, yes? They sense minute vibration as it reaches their leaves, but like, your words do not really register.” She shoved a hand into her pocket and fished around for her lightbox.

“I see,” the officer shouted. “What about the tie-ran and the cats?”

This guy was worse than the kid who tagged along with the gato. “I um, I think these particular gato understand what you are saying? The tyran—and that is how you pronounce it, by the way. Tih-ran—I think he does not. Also you should not stand on him like that.”

“Why not?”

Honestly. The rest of the universe could stand to learn a little alien biology. No need to master silicon-based-biochemistry, but it would be nice if everyone knew that hydrogen floaters did not like to have their smallest tendrils touched, or that the gato came in as many shades of blue as earthlings did brown.

“His spine is structured differently from ours,” Ellipse explained. “Gravity on the tyran home planet is stronger than on earth, so the vertebrae are structured to handle more vertical load than-

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. I get it.” He stepped off, at least, and Wrecktrix kept to the ground, though he drew his long, feathery arms close to his torso, in case he needed to get up quick.

Ellipse decided that the officer did not need to know that holding a gato by the scruff on its neck was also not an acceptable thing to do. “Oh, and before I forget,” she continued, “you are supposed to list rights. The UN requires that all law enforcement inform-

“Good grief, kid! You think I don’t know that already?”

“I can translate-

The officer glared at her, and Ellipse shut up.

“Listen, kiddo. I appreciate the help, but this is official stuff. I’ll bring in everyone involved in the fight, and then go through all the procedures. With an official translator on hand.” He nudged Wrecktrix with his foot and gestured with his head for Min and the captain to follow him. Then, as soon as Wreckrix had pulled himself up off the ground, the whole group trudged away, probably toward some law enforcement hidey-hole set between the docks.

The power of body language and a pressed uniform was incredible. Jaw hanging open, Ellipse stared after the adults in disbelief.

“Hey, Ellipse.” That was Focci. Ellipse shivered and broke her gaze away from the rest of the crew.

“Yes?”

“What just happened?”

Ellipse figured it was obvious, but maybe Focci had not met the law before. “I think the rest of your crew just got taken in for participating in a violent altercation in a public place.”

“Will we get them back soon?”

There was the kicker. Shrugging, Ellipse tried to remember her Siren judicial vocabulary. “Uh, maybe, maybe not? There will be some kind of trial to determine who started what, and what sorts of punishments will be doled out, if any, but the length of time depends on who has the uh… power to judge the case.”

“Jurisdiction?” Focci sang. The word had an augmented fifth in it; Ellipse had a hard time with that interval.

“Yeah, that.” She scratched the back of her neck and glanced around the terminal. A few people were easing back into work, trudging back to their matte metal crates or swinging around the prongs on a forklift. They must have all stopped to watch the fight. “Uhh, Focci?”

He hummed a short note of acknowledgement.

“What will you do now?”

She got silence. Concerned, Ellipse looked down and found Focci fidgeting, hands shuffling on the ground like an impatient kid’s feet. His gills pressed down, slick against his neck, and he stared at a spot a million kilometers beyond the station’s metal walls.

“Because, I mean, you cannot take the Conics without an adult crew member to serve as captain, and you do not have any muscle, and-oh my heck.” She bent down and wrapped an arm around Focci’s sloped shoulders, like she was comforting him, and leaned in to whisper. “Do not look now, but that kid who was with the bounty hunters in my system is here.”

Naturally, Focci looked. The boy wheeled his chair in a slow circle, appraising his surroundings with a sharp, confused scowl. Then he spotted something in Ellipse and Focci’s direction and began pushing himself towards them.

“Super hecking novas,” Ellipse cursed in English. She looked at Focci, willing him to look back so she would not be tempted to make eye contact with the earthling boy.

Not that her forced ignorance would help, if Focci was staring so openly. Seconds after he noticed them, the earthling boy had made it to Ellipse and Focci and slowed to a stop right in front of them.

“Excuse me,” he tried, his voice favoring its squeaky child side.

Ellipse glanced up at him, wincing. She shifted her feet so that she could take off running at a moment’s notice, and reached out for her bags. “Yes?”

“I’m not here to arrest you,” the boy said, a biting tone to his voice, “just to find out where my parents are. I thought they would be here, since your ship is nearby.” He jerked his thumb back, and Ellipse found that there was indeed a sign for the Conics just a few meters away.

She squinted at him and tried to decide how much to tell him. “How old are you?” she asked. He could not possibly be eighteen, but if he was sixteen, maybe he had exception status.

“Sixteen, why?” Darn it. The boy raised an eyebrow and looked between Ellipse and Focci. “If you’re worried that I’ll take you in, don’t be. I can’t. I’m not old enough to be a licensed bounty hunter.”

“Mhmm,” Ellipse hummed. Maybe he was lying. “And what are you planning on doing after I tell you where your parents went?”

The boy pinched his nose and sighed, incredulous. “Oh my god. Isn’t it obvious? I’d go find them!”

Even knowing that the boy and his parents could not arrest her right now, Ellipse did not want to help. Call her bitter, but she wanted every advantage she could get. Leaning towards Focci, she hummed under her breath. “What should I tell him about his parents?”

“Leave me out of it. I am only staying here to make sure you two settle things without fighting.” He sent her a sidelong look of contempt, and then tilted his head. “But if it were me, I would tell him whatever you can. He cannot do anything about the situation, after all.”

Urgh. Leave it to the mermaid to be sensible. Grumbling, Ellipse stood and looked back down at the boy. “Listen,” she said, “your parents got arrested for fighting with this siren’s crew. I am not sure what happened, but there will probably be a trial of some kind. You will want to look up some jurisdiction rules to see where your parents will end up. I do not think anyone will serve prison time; the most anyone should see is a fine, maybe some community service.”

“You’re surprisingly well-read on the law.”

Ellipse ignored that. “I have told you what I know. Is there anything else you need?”

The boy tipped his head towards Focci. “Is that siren an adult?”

“No, why?”

“I have to get back to earth. I don’t have the funds to stay in any other system for long, and I definitely can’t stay on Aquilo. I’d starve.”

Ellipse did not mention that the boy already looked half-starved. She wondered if he ever ate earthling food, or if the gato just fed him the weird blue-black plants that grew all over their planet. It would explain his weight. “I guess the terraformers would be reluctant to hire you,” she murmured. “I am sorry, but I do not think I can help-

Wait. Wait, she totally could help him. Glancing at her bags, Ellipse bit her lip. She was fairly certain she had given the officials a birthday that would make her a legal adult by now, and she had a pilot’s license, even if she could not actually fly a ship. Joining the boy’s crew might be taking things a bit too far, but if Focci would take them on, it might solve a number of problems.

“Focci,” she whisper-sang, “what are you going to do next?”

“Your papers say you are a legal adult, so I was going to ask you to join my crew so I could keep the ship running until the captain returns.” He examined the webbing between his fingers and grinned, allowing his pointy teeth to show. “What? You thought I did not read your papers as soon as you got on board?”

Somehow, Ellipse was not surprised. “What if we took-

Focci flopped towards the Conics. “He can come. We will teach him to drive a forklift.”

Wow. That was easy.


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Wed Jul 26, 2017 9:49 am
ExOmelas wrote a review...



Yaaay I finished all my green room reviews so I can review this now!

Nit-picks and nice moments:

very muscular earthling man shot out from nowhere

I've more often heard that as out "of" nowhere.

was not a feat in and of itself


“Why not?”

Tbh not standing on someone just seems like common decency.

Ellipse stared after the adults in disbelief.

I don't think I realised Ellipse wasn't an adult.

He sent her a sidelong look of contempt

contempt seems a bit strong

given the officials a birthday

What do you mean "given the officials"?

Joining the boy’s crew might be taking things a bit too far, but if Focci would take them on, it might solve a number of problems.

Why is she so desperate to help him all of a sudden? Especially since her reason for not doing so was already irrational (bitterness) it seems unlikely that this would change so quickly.

Overall:

Character: I think a wee bit more needs to be done on the relationship of Ellipse and Focci to the boy. He was really awful to Ellipse, but now they're helping him? I also am surprised they're not that upset about their friends being taken away. At the very least Wrecktrix and Focci seem pretty close, and Ellipse seemed to be getting closer to them too. I mean, I know I'm sad, so I'd have expected Ellipse to be very sad.

Setting: Since this is the same place as the last chapter, not a whole lot is needed, but it might be good to know if there was a crowd of people staring at them as justice was doled out.

Plot: Wooooooah! So, I am extremely happy with the pacing now. The right amount of stuff is happening in each chapter and it's really interesting stuff. I am dead worried about how they're going to get their crew members back and interested to learn what the boy is like when he no longer has the power to harm Ellipse. I would however like to know what convinced Ellipse and Focci that his parents didn't have the power to capture Ellipse. I wasn't aware bounty hunters had a jurisdiction xD

Hope this helps,
Biscuits :)




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Fri Jul 21, 2017 11:30 pm
TheSilverFox wrote a review...



New Aspen has no mercy for the poor (tm). :P

As I predicted, the fight ended on a hilarious anti-climax. Well, except for the jump-kick, which was awesome. Still, I love the way the guy jumps in, breaks up the fight with his own strength, and scares/surprises everyone enough that he's able to take away all the offenders in short, convenient order. Admittedly, he doesn't have the slightest clue about alien biology, considering he doesn't even realize the specifus can't understand him. As such, I also look upon him as a bit of an idiot. Frankly, if this trained officer, who has to break up disputes between who knows how many creatures, has a thorough lack of an understanding of xenobiology, I'm curious as to who is the bigger group of space racists - the specifus, or humanity. Of course, given that he's hauling off most of the crew of the Conics to the place where a translator will be available, it's reasonable to assume that he has only one, rather simple job, and everything else is relatively unnecessary to completing it. In that case, I'm willing to give him four stars for execution and a sheer aura of intimidation. :P

Beyond that, the other anti-climax is established and completed wonderfully. I'm amused that Tejal's my age, is faced with someone who has presumably rarely met a trustworthy person in her life, and will now be tasked to operate a forklift so he doesn't starve to death on New Aspen. How will he even reach the foot pedals? Are there foot pedals on forklifts in the future? Nevertheless, the confrontation between him and Ellipse is set up under great pacing and detail, as is the empathy over Focci's and Tejal's situation that ultimately leads Ellipse to forming a truce between all three of them. As many advantages as she needs, she still has a comprehensive understanding of the law, Tejal has good reason not to be a threat, and I don't think she has many other options at this point. Ironically, whether she likes it or not, she's too attached to the Conics and its crew. XD

Lacking anything to criticize, I'm left with another great chapter, a nice change in events, and a reintroduction of our determined antagonists/sort-of-protagonists. Great job!




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Sun May 28, 2017 9:31 pm
Virgil wrote a review...



This is Nikayla here dropping in for a review on this Review Day!

So I understand that I'm not a follower of your novel, though the Green Room is getting rather empty and you seemed like a good candidate, so with that, let's jump right into the review. I found that your names were quite unique, this is just a note, but--Wrecktrix and Ellipse? I'm assuming that these are nicknames at the current moment but they could very well be real names in this universe of yours. It seems that there's an inclusion of Earth since it's brung up early in the chapter, though it seems a little foreign to these characters--or I'm trying to say that they don't seem like inhabitants.

We've gotten this much information out of the way--of course unless I've gotten this information wrong. I have to admit that I laughed when you had the line, 'Deep space, the dude was annoying.' and I just happened to think that it was the most perfect line that you could ever put there for the situation of these characters. I liked the concept of the Conics and this makes me want to go back and read the other chapters.

The only real complaints that I had that held up as problems throughout the chapter is that there's a bit of a drought when it comes to description and that the pacing is a little off. I'd suggest building up the atmosphere of this ship and going from there since description could definitely help the aspects of your novel outside of the dialogue which is obviously already a strong point that you have here (I never say this often but I liked it quite a bit). The end of the chapter is perfect for the novel. Simply the "Wow. That was easy." fits the tone of humor that you've built up, so I give props to you on that.

If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask! I hope I helped and have a great day. Keep writing and experimenting.

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Sun May 21, 2017 2:48 pm
BluesClues wrote a review...



Excellent. We're getting to the point where they all work together!

(Omg I only just now saw your comment about this in LMS and then I *had* to go read the description you wrote for this installment and now I'm glad I noticed.)

I found it super-amusing that everyone was arrested for getting into a fight except the one person whom the fight was really about, but at the same time it was sort of a twist. We'd expect Ellipse to be in trouble the minute the bounty hunters showed up again, but instead she and Focci are the only ones never involved. I also liked seeing a different earthling (he was an earthling, right? even though he's on Aquilo) who was very different from Ellipse. While she knows all these different languages and has at least basic knowledge of different life-forms, he came in guns blazing (so to speak) and not even knowing that specifus can't hear.

He must be American. We're notorious for this sort of thing.

ANYWAY. The only thing is, I don't quite understand why Ellipse decides to take the boy with them on the Conics. She certainly could get a head start if she just took Focci and ran, leaving the boy stranded alone on Aquilo, with his gatos safely imprisoned.

I mean, it could just be that she's a nice person and can't really leave this poor kid on his own to starve, plus she figures he's not a threat just now. But if that's the case, maybe I just need to see more of that particular thought process here. Or is it that she needs an extra crew member to fly Conics? Some clarification would be nice, please.

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Ventomology says...


Hmm... I really didn't expound enough on why they took the other kid along. I'll have to remedy that.

Thanks as always! I promise reviews are coming. I just have to finish some classwork so I can graduate.



BluesClues says...


Not a problem! School is ~kind of~ important.



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Sun May 21, 2017 11:29 am
KayB says...



Awesome.





*cries into coffee*
— LadyLizz