z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Conics Unfortunately: 66

by Ventomology


After the positive reception in Sauron—the whole time we were leaving, Tejal kept giggling about the earthling name, which I still do not understand—we headed for Earth again. In part, it was because we thought we might give a few more areas of the planet a try, and also because we were hoping to sit in on the final legs of Ellie’s trials.

We sat through meetings in Silicon Valley, Shanghai, Bengaluru, Nairobi, and Berlin. Each city threw me off guard with their distinct local architectures, and the soaring buildings gave me a queasy feeling, like they might topple over. It is difficult to imagine other planets having varieties of cultures, and just as difficult to imagine tall buildings existing under the full effect of gravity. The surface-scrapers on Sirena have water’s natural buoyancy to help them stand.

The grand tour of Earth’s tech cities ended in London, just two train rides away from the Hague in the Netherlands. I thought we should have started in London and ended in Berlin, but then Tejal reminded me that earthlings are bad at crossing oceans.

At the end of the tour, we waited in a train terminal that had a name rather like the pseudo-useless earthling organ, discussing how the various meetings had gone. The station had an odd, steel-frame interior considering the old-fashioned masonry outside, but I heard that it was common for buildings in old cities to mix the styles of the ages.

“Nairobi definitely went the best,” Tejal declared, looking at the meeting notes in his lap. “Ellie was right to suggest that we seek out investors who have strong commonalities with us.”

“Mr. Omondi’s office was very accessible,” I added. “And his prosthetics were impressive.”

“I wish I could have gotten a better look at them.” Tejal shuffled his papers around, looking for the numbers. “But I’m sure we’ll see him again. He actually gave us money.”

I adjusted myself on the seat; the armrests prevented me from stretching my tail out, and it was uncomfortable to sit straight up like an earthling. Crane and Shell told me before we boarded the earthbound shuttle that I should watch out for this kind of thing, but I had not believed them until I experienced it myself.

“It is incredible that our board of investors includes only two people so far,” I mused.

“And Ellie isn’t even really an investor.” Tejal flipped through the notes until he reached the stack from Shanghai. “Hey, what if we did a big teleconference? We’d have to get more interested parties from other systems to really show off, but it would probably help get more confirmed sums.”

“Setting it up would be a lot of work.”

Tejal considered that with a small nod and then glanced up at the giant, circular clock hanging from the wall. At the time, I still could not understand analog earthling clocks. Why use them when the digital ones were easier?

“I think our train is about to arrive,” he said, beginning to pack up his notes.

I flopped off of the seat, glad to stretch out the kinks in my spine and rub out the soreness in my dorsal fin, and watched as Tejal shoved everything away. Then he twisted around and slung his bag over the back of his wheelchair. “Ready?”

Tejal understood my confirmation without having to wait for Mouthbot to speak from the tablet, and so we set off for the platform elevators.

“I wish I could have talked to the Google programmers more,” I told him, “and the blockchain people in Bengaluru. They were fun.”

“You’re giving me flashbacks to the time I thought Ellie was going to leave us for Google Translate.” Tejal rolled to a stop by the elevator doors and pressed the down button. An old woman with a walker stopped behind us and gave me a shaky smile.

“Do not worry.” I patted the wheel of his chair. “Ellie and I would never leave you for Google, even if they have more money.”

The elevator doors slid open, and Tejal sent me a look of faux hurt. “Now you’re just teasing me. I miss ganging up on Ellie with you. You didn’t make fun of me then.”

The train ride from London to Paris was quiet. On Earth, people do not talk much on trains, which is strange, because people riding the undersea currents on Sirena sing to each other nonstop. Earthlings in general are less comfortable with each other than us sirens. I always need some reason to hug Ellie or Tejal, even after all these years.

The plush train seats were just as uncomfortable as the terminal seats in St. Pancras, but it was not as long a ride as the trip from Los Angeles to Shanghai, at least. Sometimes I wonder if that plane ride permanently squished my fins. When at last the train pulled to a stop, I had to fight every twitch in my body that told me to just get on the floor and get moving already. But Tejal and I had to wait, of course, to avoid the other passengers stepping on my fingers.

We stepped off the train with little fanfare, though I had to give Tejal a push to get him across the gap between train and platform. The inside of the station looked just like the one in London, all steel beams and glass ceilings. It seemed to be a pattern for European train stations, since every one I had been in looked like this.

Tejal glanced around for a sign listing the outbound trains, and I flopped into the open, eager to get a move on. A few earthlings sent me odd looks before ignoring me in favor of staring at a saur tour group.

“The train to Rotterdam leaves in thirty minutes,” Tejal announced, rolling up to me. “We should head over.”

“I thought Ellie was somewhere else,” I said, following him off the platform.

“We have another connection from Rotterdam to the Hague.” We moved in silence for a few seconds before Tejal looked back down at me. “Where should we go after this?”

“The Gant shipping season is starting again soon,” I offered, carefully wriggling down a ramp. “They would probably be interested in the pinpoint fold generator.”

Frowning, Tejal paused at the bottom of the ramp. “I really hope we get to see her. It’s been so long.”

There is something about expecting a long wait which predispositions people for pessimism. Perhaps that is why neither of us noticed, as we approached the train to Rotterdam, that someone was waiting for us. Tejal and I did not think to look at the benches that ran up and down the center of the long, stone platform.

- A Rough Translation of Focci's Ballad


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Fri Jun 08, 2018 1:15 am
TheSilverFox wrote a review...



[quote]The elevator doors slid open, and Tejal sent me a look of faux hurt. “Now you’re just teasing me. I miss ganging up on Ellie with you. You didn’t make fun of me then.”[/quotes]

Nerds, can you stop being adorable twits for one second. (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻

Since there's no grammar or spelling problems, I can say that yay, it's review time! And man do I love the atmosphere in this chapter. You do an exceptional job showing how Focci is a fish out of water (I will never apologize for this) on Earth, whether in the variety of cultures or the uncomfortable seating. On that note, your exploration of the adaptation of the human world to the variety of other worlds and sentient species, while only in the background of the chapter, has to be my favorite. A lot of people give Focci strange looks, the seating of the train and terminal hardly suit his physique, and there's a general atmosphere that it's a human's world. Other settings throughout the story have attempted to accommodate different species, but Earth seems to have less of that attitude (granted, I suspect sirens don't often come to Earth in the first place, and the tourists focusing on the saur show that Focci isn't particularly thought of as strange). The other side of that cultural divide, created through Focci's thoughts, works just as well. His comments on different cultures, skyscrapers (I really liked the thought of surface-scrapers), architectural styles, and communication/affection are help define where he's come from and what his mindset is. And yeah, pretty entertaining to read, especially because it contributes to his sense of confusion. Nothing like a good old fashioned culture clash.

Everything else is equally (surprise surprise) well-written! I have to admit, I was wondering what the purpose of The Hague was at the start. After all, it's not a city particularly notable for trade, unlike the rapidly growing cities of Nairobi (in Kenya) and Bangaluru (which I had to look up, as I didn't recognize Bangalore by that name). It was only when Focci mentions Ellie's trial taking place there that I remembered that The Hague is home to the international criminal court of none other than the United Nations. So, needless to say, I'm very interested to see what happens if/when the nerds arrive. That is, if that isn't Ellie herself at the train station. I'm hoping so bad she is, because that would make that moment all the sweeter. The mystery person may not be her, but the juxtaposition and contrast of pessimism with the mystery person leads me to think of Ellie. Beyond that, the banter between Tejal and Focci, on top of how readily they help each other out throughout the chapter, is as exceptional and sweet as ever. The Google Translate joke made me crack up; the prospect of more investors, through awesome demonstrations or otherwise, lifted my spirits; and the ending made me extremely eager to see what happens next. I hope all the pain and tiredness of this series of business trips turns out to be worth it for the nerds, because they sure as heck deserve it.

Yeah, all in all, thanks for another amazing chapter - great job!




Ventomology says...


JUST 7 MORE CHAPTERS before you find out who the person at the end is. : D



TheSilverFox says...


I can't survive that long. ;-;



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Tue May 29, 2018 11:43 am
ExOmelas wrote a review...



I made it!

Nit-picks and nice moments:

“You’re giving me flashbacks to the time I thought Ellie was going to leave us for Google Translate.”

This like, literally just happened for us. And Tejal was only joking about it at the time, right? This just sounds a bit manufactured.

Earthlings in general are less comfortable with each other than us sirens. I always need some reason to hug Ellie or Tejal, even after all these years.

That's a really interesting cultural difference to pick up on ^.^

Oh, before I forget, I only got that the train station was St. Pancras because I scrolled past Blue's review. It's a clever joke, but you probably want to reveal it at the time just so people aren't confused.

Perhaps that is why neither of us noticed, as we approached the train to Rotterdam, that someone was waiting for us.

Are you aware this sounds a little sinister? I'm guessing it's Ellipse, but it kind of also sounds like it could be someone out to capture them or something, as has been a theme with this story.

Overall:

I'm guessing the idea of this chapter is to show that once Ellipse and the boys have split up they don't see each other for a very long time. What I want to mention is that it's not clear if the last time they saw her is in fact the time they handed her in, or if there have been long intervals between other short meet-ups since then. It's also a little strange to have the emotional beat being them getting to see Ellipse again, since we haven't actually had the emotional effect of the separation in our present time.

Still, your detail dropping is excellent as always, Focci and Tejal are incredibly convincing characters, the earthlings have the exact reactions I'd expect. All round a solid chapter.

Hope this helps,
Biscuits :)




Ventomology says...


Thanks! I guess the implication that there hasn't been in-person contact since they handed her in should be made more explicit. I'm just not sure where I should put it, or if it can be inserted in one of the earlier Focci pieces and then not be restated.



ExOmelas says...


Yeah, since it's Focci's first person and he would never say that aloud to Tejal who is obviously also aware of this fact... Maybe something like how they'd really hoped they wouldn't have to wait this long after she handed herself in?



ExOmelas says...


also btw, what are your plans for posting now that the LMS word count demands are going to start getting crazy? xD



Ventomology says...


Multiple chapters per week until we hit chapter 73! We're all about to die. : D



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Mon May 28, 2018 3:01 pm
BluesClues wrote a review...



The elevator doors slid open, and Tejal sent me a look of faux hurt. “Now you’re just teasing me. I miss ganging up on Ellie with you. You didn’t make fun of me then.”


Heh heh heh.

St. Pancras - I guessed right! Well, I guessed pancreas right, anyway. I don't know the names of London terminals well enough to have gotten from the organ to the terminal.

There is something about expecting a long wait which predispositions people for pessimism. Perhaps that is why neither of us noticed, as we approached the train to Rotterdam, that someone was waiting for us. Tejal and I did not think to look at the benches that ran up and down the center of the long, stone platform.


I'm not sure about that first sentence, which read a little confusingly to me. But I love the way this paragraph goes, and I can't wait to find out who was waiting for them! Like it's probably not Ellipse, because she's still in court, it sounds like. And the paragraph reads a little ominously. Anyway, I think it's probably the strongest ending you've had to one of the non-Ellipse chapters, because it really hooked me and has me excited and ready for the next one in a way that none of the others have. Not that I didn't enjoy them, but they didn't leave me waiting for the next.

Unfortunately, they're so few and far between - not to mention the fact that they cover different bits of the story and seem to alternate with each other - that I'm probably going to be waiting a good long while.

And just because I haven't mentioned it in a while (I think), I really love your world-building here. Like, you'd think we wouldn't really need any world-building, because they're on Earth. But because we're from Focci's perspective and everything is so different, we get to kind of see Earth through new eyes, and it's fascinating: the things he's confused by, or intimidated by, or doesn't understand. I've probably said it before, but I think world-building is your greatest strength in this story.




Ventomology says...


You got to this before I could fix it by adding the except not at the end ahhh. Thanks as usual of course! I think there are... six chapters after this one? So you won't have to wait long to hear from Focci again. At most like three weeks because of the blizzard...




The poetry of the earth is never dead.
— John Keats