Conics Unfortunately: 53

A week and a few days from the Triune fold monitor, the white-blue planet of Mao ballooned in the Conic’s cockpit window. Its blue oceans glittered, the icebergs reflecting extra light into space, and the massive glaciers cascading towards the equator were ridged with deep blue canyons and crevices. Ellipse pulled a lever for a bit of backwards thrust and turned to face the rest of the pilot’s cabin.

The boys floated behind her frowning over a small metal tube and prodding at it with a pokey tool that looked like it should have stayed in a dentist’s office. Of course they had started on a new prototype. The one floating around Titan and the one plugged into the Conics’s mainframe were not enough.

“I know your project is of utmost importance,” she sang, “but I was wondering if we could get a list of the other ships docked at this station. If we can get help at all, I want to know before there is trouble.”

Focci grumbled and swam towards her, shoving Tejal lightly to get the movement started, and after Mouthbot translated, Tejal looked up from his work, his pokey tool dangerously close to his eyes. “Someone’s proactive today.”

“I am always proactive,” Ellipse muttered. The boys could at least give her some credit for trying to help. She craned her neck to see the list Focci had pulled up on one of the dashboard screens and squinted, trying to make out which ship names were typed in the braille-like specifus writing. “Endurance, Sun-Seeker… Prolifera… Can we narrow it down to just the specifus ships?”

Focci gave her a look but fiddled around with the controls anyways.

There were a lot of specifus ships at Mao. It made sense, really, given how thoroughly specifus tech had uprooted gato society at first contact. But Ellipse wished there was another filter she could use to sort through all the ship names.

“Mm, maybe we should just assume we will not have assistance here,” she hummed, turning her attention back to the window. “Can one of you radio the station and let them know to open our docking gate?”

Focci groaned, and Tejal followed suit soon after, but Ellipse heard Tejal speak into the radio soon enough.

“This is the Conics,” he said, “requesting permission to dock.” He waited a few moments, still drifting a little from when Focci used him as a springboard. “Alright. Thank you.”

A moment later, Ellipse heard the snap of two magnets clapping together, and she looked up to see Tejal floating next to Focci, the new fold generator prototype in one hand and the other sliding off the dashboard.

“They’re opening up our dock right now,” he reported.

Mao’s space station looked unlike any other. It had, after all, been the first aside from the specifus home planet to even get a station, and the specifus had not yet seen reason to build the gato a new one. The station looped in one long spiral, like a spring stretched out, with a single hallway running the length of the spiral that no one had to walk ten full circles to get from one end to the other. The design was not awful, but it certainly was not as nice as the rings with the cross-circle elevators.

And like the pit stop on Triune’s gas giant, Aether, the station was dirty—a relic of older, slower space travel. The cement’s color had faded from sunlight exposure, and bits of debri stuck to the edges of the spiral. At least all the metal doors were clean, since rusty doors were not quite as vacuum-proof as not-rusty doors.

Ellipse craned her neck and kept her eyes peeled for their dock. All the doors for the Mao station were set into the thin edge of the spiral, so Ellipse would have to make a sharp turn inside of the space between loops. That was the worst part of the design, honestly.

She turned a vulture-like circle around the station, following the outside edge of the spiral, occasionally slipping a little too close to other circling ships. Then she spotted an open door with an LED display below it that read “Conics” in flashing teal.

“Alright boys,” she said, “time for you two to get into the hold.” She flicked on a boatload of backwards thrust and eased the ship into the space between loops, ears on alert for sounds of scraping and for confirmation that Tejal and Focci had anchored themselves for landing.

“We are clear!” Focci sang, and then Ellipse dunked the Conics through the door and forced on the landing thrusters. The ship thumped onto the station floor, and Ellipse heard the slap of Focci’s rubbery skin hitting something metal. She winced and hoped he had not fallen too far.

As Ellipse powered off the engines and put the pilot’s dashboard to sleep, she heard the vacuum doors rumble shut, loud enough to vibrate the ship’s hull and shake the acrylic upper floors. The cabin lights brightened, and Ellipse stood from her chair and stalked downstairs.

She found the boys lying on the floor, Focci with his tail in the air in the tween-girl-at-a-sleepover style, and Tejal still prodding at the inside of that little metal tube.

“I leave you alone for ten seconds,” Ellipse complained, dropping to the floor from atop a stack of cold, metal crates. She stomped up to the boys and set her fists on her hips. “Let go of the new prototype. We need to make a game plan for searching this station so that I do not wind up captured again.”

Tejal looked up, paused for a moment, and squinted. “Is that a skirt? You wore a skirt in zero-g?”

She crossed her arms and pouted, petulant. “I have shorts on underneath. Also I am borrowing your jacket again, and I put on that icky lavender sea salt perfume before starting my pilot shift.”

“You’re going to fend of bounty hunters in a skirt?” Tejal asked.

Focci wrinkled his nose. “Oh, that is why the cockpit smelled so bad. Can you get perfume that smells like fish?”

“Yes,” she said. “No,” she sang. “Now can we get to planning?”

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
ExOmelas
Review

Let's a-go!

Nit-picks and nice moments:

“I am always proactive,” Ellipse muttered. The boys could at least give her some credit for trying to help.

I've noticed this a couple of times. Sometimes things that seem to be quite good-natured that Tejal or Focci say are taken surprisingly badly by Ellipse. Like, they are all friends, right?

She craned her neck to see the list Focci had pulled up on one of the dashboard screens and squinted, trying to make out which ship names were typed in the braille-like specifus writing.

Enjoyable detail!

The station looped in one long spiral, like a spring stretched out, with a single hallway running the length of the spiral that no one had to walk ten full circles to get from one end to the other.


That was the worst part of the design, honestly.

This sounds either sarcastic or trying to really assure us of something. Problem is I don't really get why this would either be a sarcastic thing to say, or why it is significant that it would need to be assured.

“You’re going to fend of Bounty Hunters in a skirt?” Tejal asked.

Legit giggling right now.

Overall:

I'm not sure that much was really accomplished with this chapter, but since these are all so short there's a good chance that in actual book format the action would continue on to whatever happens once they leave the Conics. As far as what you do give, though...

The description here is all delightful. I was at a workshop about fantasy writing last week and a lot of it was about how to describe stuff enough that people understand things that are far off from what you've ever seen in real life. That was about fantasy, sure, but clearly it also applies here. Basically, I noticed a whole bunch of stuff that the writer running the workshop suggested in this chapter, so no need for you to take that workshop :P

I also liked the little thing with the prototype, even if the character traits it showed have already been shown several times. Always good to keep reinforcing stuff like that.

Hope this helps,
Biscuits :)

User avatar
BluesClues
Review

I so regret not reviewing this immediately when you posted it a month ago

P.S. I love the detail of Focci not liking lavender and wanting perfume that smells like fish. Your details are, as usual, fantastic.

I couldn't figure out what bothered me about Ellipse in this chapter, but I think Silv hit the nail on the head: Ellipse doesn't quite feel like Ellipse when she sounds like a completely normal, responsible, command-giving captain.

I'm also wondering how Tejal feels about heading to Mao, or even just the Mao space station? Like, this is the gato home planet, right? So his parents are from here. Did he grow up here? Is he excited to be back? Does he have other gato family here? I get that he's focused on the miniature fold generator, but comparing this to Focci's home planet, you know...even though, okay, yeah, Tejal doesn't actually come from Mao originally, but you know, it's his home, right? Or has he always lived in space with his bounty hunter parents?

That's all I've got for this one, which is probably why I didn't review it way back when darn it past me

Sorry I've been so slow with replies lately! I think I wrote this chapter like... in the lead-up to finals week, which was basically death. Honestly, I will claim that quality of writing is probably only going to drop further from here on. I'm taking an even greater credit load at university this coming quarter.

Thanks as always for reviewing though! I'm not actively going back to edit stuff until I give pieces a good break, but I do try to keep everything in mind.

Honestly, I will claim that quality of writing is probably only going to drop further from here on.


Lolol. I seriously hope my draft gets done this summer, because if we're still going in fall...I need to take 18 credit hours a semester to finish my degree in a year (which is the goal, man), so I'll probably be dead from school work and unable to write hardly at all.

Haha Conics is set to end in June, so I think we'll be done by then.

Yeah, I think that's about where I should be.

User avatar
TheSilverFox
Review

Of course they had started on a new prototype. The one floating around Titan and the one plugged into the Conics’s mainframe were not enough.


Ellipse, they're nerds. Nerds are never satisfied. :P

The grammar and spelling stuff:

“You’re going to fend of bounty hunters in a skirt?” Tejal asked.


*off

Tejal floating next to Focci, the new fold generator prototype in one hand and the other sliding off the dashboard.


I think you're referring to the other hand? There's a bit of syntax ambiguity here.

“Alright boys,” she said, “time for you two to get into the hold.”


There isn't any actual problem with this, it just seems...not like Ellipse, I suppose? I think the "boys" part trips me up, even though I know she's referred to them as boys before; all I know is that I heard the first two words in a much deeper/more assertive voice than I associate with Ellipse. The action around the dialogue - Ellipse making a sharp, possibly dangerous turn - contributes to my impressions. It's not really problematic, just odd to me? *shrugs*

The rest of the chapter is fantastic, though. You do an exceptional job capturing the beauty of Mao (though it must have some impressively large icebergs to be visible this far away). The contrast between the planet and the simplistic station might not have been intentional, but works anyway at conveying the history of space travel and specifus attitudes. On that note, I'd say the worldbuilding and use of descriptors are the best parts of the chapter. By referring to the nature of the station, you discuss some of the earlier aspects of space travel in great detail. The dust, easy-to-visualize spiral design, and inconveniences in landing work well in that regard, and also seem pretty accurate extrapolations of the qualms of present-day/in real life space travel efforts. The juxtaposition between the station and the Conics then works to show how space travel has evolved into a more streamlined, efficient shape in the story. I suspect the inside of the station will look about as ugly as the outside, though it may come in handy to Ellipse concerning the overarching search for the last specifus/hiding from the bounty hunters. If the place is dusty and darker, that's more spaces to hide. Of course, that applies for both Ellipse and the hunters.

But yeah, I almost forgot to mention the descriptors. The dentist's office comment works wonderfully, as does the tween girl one (I certainly laughed in both cases. XD). They're unique, memorable, and add a nice air of humor to the whole piece. Not that the jokes about foul perfume and the nerds' devotion to making new prototypes aren't already effective, naturally. Yeah, Ellipse has her hands full with those two, but at least she has the resources to disguise herself and get to work. I'm curious to see what'll happen, since the strength of the bounty hunters and her own competency means this could be anyone's game. If anyone makes a move, it'll likely be on or around Mao. Aether was evidently a bust (since I'm pretty sure it was only covered - and briefly - in this chapter), and there's not many other places to look now, so something has to happen here. On a related topic, I like how well you establish the location of Mao in the Triune system, particularly for someone like me who reads these chapters on a weekly basis. Still, it did take a bit for me to realize where the planet was, though that's the downside of how frequently I read through this story. I'm straying from the topic, though. I wonder, given Tejal's adoptive parents, if he'll play a greater role in the chapters to come? Regardless of what happens, though, you've done a wonderful job maintaining humor, good worldbuilding, and fun character dynamics - well done!

Man, if there's at least one thing I do well it's describing all these planets. At least I can take pride in that!

I'll fix some of the little things you mentioned eventually, when I'm not editing an English paper and grasping for documents to reference in a history essay.

Honestly I'm just dead this week. Hopefully I'll be less dead in the coming weeks, when the only real assignments are for studio. But I might just devote all my time to putting together my major applications. We'll see.

Thanks so much!



"Honestly, I think the world is going to end bloody. But it doesn't mean we shouldn't fight. We do have choices."
— Dean Winchester