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Young Writers Society



Conics Unfortunately: 51

by Ventomology


The Conics sat in a docking bay in the Triune fold monitor, its loading ramp already lowered. The door to the rest of the shipping hall was still sealed shut, keeping out the noise of the conveyor belt and multitudes of fellow workers.

Ellipse stood at the top of the ramp, a clipboard in hand, and frowned over the shipping itinerary. “We have a lot of Triune stops,” she sang.

Next to her, Focci slapped his tail against the hull’s floor and shifted on his hands, excited. “Is Sirena on the list? Do we have enough time to go planetside?”

Mouthbot translated, and then made an odd reference to Gustav Holst. Tejal scooted towards the edge of the ramp, not wanting to be left out of the conversation.

“Are we stopping by Mao?” he asked. “I’ve been wanting to see it again.”

With a sigh, Ellipse checked over the itinerary. “Yes, we will stop at Mao Satellite.” Then she switched back to Trade Siren and looked down at Focci. “We have a stop at Sirena too. And if we are going planetside anywhere, we only have time for one of those two places.”

The boys paused, Tejal for the translation and Focci so he could give Tejal a tentative look.

“Then of course we should visit Sirena,” Tejal said. “I don’t have any immediate family to visit like Focci does.”

Focci lit up, his feathery gills waving, and rolled across the floor like a seal so he could flomp onto Tejal and hug him. Crooning a poem of thanks, Focci squeezed tight, and Tejal winced. Like any swimmer should, Focci had strong arms.

“Okay,” Tejal wheezed, patting one of Focci’s webbed hands. “Please let go of me.”

Rolling her eyes, Ellipse waited for the boys to separate, and then flicked a fingernail against the itinerary. “Keep in mind that if we get er… accosted, we may not have the chance to catch a shuttle to the surface,” Ellipse warned. “But otherwise, we definitely could visit your family, Focci.”

“It will be fine,” Focci sang, his voice airy and carefree. “Tejal is going to help you avoid the bounty hunters better, and at least the group chasing after the Impending crew will not get involved. Sirena international law is almost unfairly weighted against specifus.”

Of course Sirena would be like that. Both Sirena and Mao had been tangled in the specifus’ technological roots for ages; resentment was a given.

“The earthling and tubai might still show up though,” Focci said. “Are you sure we can go?”

Ellipse sighed and fingered her hair. “I am going to change my bangs. And I think I can find some other things to alter my smell and appearance while we are here.”

A few moments later, Tejal cringed. “If you buy perfume, please don’t wear it on the ship. I refuse to smell floral when I see my parents again.”

Gato did not even have particularly good smell, which was part of why their food tasted a little off to earthlings, despite being edible. Rolling her eyes, Ellipse gave Tejal a shrug and a thumbs-up. She refused to smell floral all the time too.

“Oh, but for the time being,” she said, “can I borrow your jacket, Tejal? The specifus team recognized me by my coveralls, but I do not really have any other clothing.”

He grimaced at her and unzipped his jacket. “I guess. Why didn’t you buy anything when we went shopping on Titan?”

“I was not outgrowing all of my shirts,” Ellipse fired back. She dropped the itinerary on Tejal’s head and held out a hand for his jacket. “Now then, we only have a few crates to unload here. You do logistics today, Focci is on machines, and I will keep an eye out for a place to buy a wheelchair while I do the manual stuff. Are we all in agreement?”

Tejal grumbled his assent, and Focci trumpeted in triumph.

“Triune has the best cranes,” he trilled. “They are always so well-oiled, and the controls are so accessible, and honestly, as much as I dislike Spec Corp’s omnipresence, the other stations could stand to use the same models.”

What a nerd, Ellipse thought. She looked to Tejal to see if he shared her opinion, but he had pinched his mouth in a wistful pout, as if he was jealous of Focci for getting to use the cranes. They were both such nerds.

Once Tejal pressed the soft leather of his jacket into her hands, Ellipse whipped it on and started down the ramp.

She felt a little funny, actually, wearing something other than her coveralls. She felt funny in general, dressing in ways she had not previously, like she was pretending to be Ellie Tibot all over again, the way she had when she first arrived at the earthling fold monitor. With her hair tied up, her neck felt bare, and Tejal’s jacket hung heavy off her shoulders—too wide to really fit, but still pressed uncomfortably tight against the sleeves of her uniform.

She stopped at the bottom of the ramp and looked up, where Tejal and Focci sat discussing the itinerary, already formulating how they would enter the stops into the planetary motion simulator and murmuring about Ellipse’s reckless piloting. A little discomfort was nothing. Ellipse walked to the giant garage door, adjusted her ponytail, and pushed the button to open their dock to the rest of the station.

Almost immediately, she noticed the curl of white specifus roots behind the door. She took a careful step back and shoved a hand in her pockets. If Captain Maj’s friends were here to attack her crew, then she needed to do some hefty convincing to buy time to unload the crates.

But as the door rolled up, Ellipse realized she did not recognize these roots. They curled like frizzy blonde hair, so thickly clumped that the specifus standing on them probably swept up dirt as they moved, like one of those vacuuming robots.

This specifus’s trunk curved right at the midpoint, like they had been stapled to the ground and forced to grow towards the sun instead of simply picking up and moving, and they were horrifically small. Ellipse stood about the same height as the average specifus, but this one only came up to her chest.

“Hello!” they flashed, lights all evenly bright. “Is Captain Maj here? I have a message from the captain of the Philosophy.”

Or maybe the specifus was just really young, not malnourished.

“No,” Ellipse flashed back. “They are on Earth taking care of legal matters. But I am the stand-in captain, if this is related to business.” She looked back at the ship and saw Focci and Tejal peering at her, obviously curious about the conversation.

“Mmm.” The specifus held out a long, white light. “I can tell you, and you can pass along the message.”

“Sure,” Ellipse flashed.

The curly-root specifus leaned in closer and moved one of their leafy branches to slightly cover their lights. “We think we’ve found an argument for increasing public domain on the home planet, so if Captain Maj wants in, there’s going to be a meeting at the end of this orbit.”

That was about six earthling months from now. Captain Maj could make that. “I will let them know,” Ellipse replied. “What exactly are you talking about though?”

The specifus waved their branches a little, lights glowing a dim purple. “Eh? You are on the Conics. You ought to know.” They glanced around, and the bend in their trunk made the motion look like a dance. “I can’t tell you everything, but if you’re ever having trouble with Spec Corp, ships named for knowledge will help you. Even a number of specifus dislike Spec Corp, you know. Despite our pseudo-superiority over every other species involved in intergalactic trade.”

Ellipse nodded. “Oh. Well, I will let Captain Maj know. Where is the meeting?”

The specifus blinked the left column of lights on their trunk. They had to be young, to be copying earthling mannerisms like that. “The captain will know.”

“Uh, right.” Ellipse waved the specifus goodbye and tried not to laugh when she saw how their bushy roots stampeded along the ground like millipede legs. She turned back to the boys and trudged back up the ramp.

“What was that about?” Tejal asked.

“I think, when you are ready to get your generator out into the market, you may have some specifus allies,” Ellipse said.

Focci shifted. “Oh, Captain Maj’s little anti-Spec Corp group? They cannot do that much, though they would help if we ran into bounty hunter trouble before getting all of our cargo unloaded. And they will share information.”

“You did not think to tell us about them?” Ellipse hissed.

“They are really not that helpful,” Focci said. “Though I suppose it might not hurt to keep an eye out in the future.”

Ellipse knew she would keep an eye out. Anything that would keep her from impeding on the boys’ project was a plus. She crossed her arms and huffed and then started back down the ramp. “Well, I am going to buy perfume and new clothes. Send me a message when you two are set up to move the crates onto the conveyor belt.”

“Don’t ruin my jacket!” Tejal called.

She heard Focci’s tail whack Tejal. “Do not get caught by bounty hunters either! You can sacrifice Tejal’s jacket if it helps you get away!”


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Sun Mar 25, 2018 9:24 pm
ExOmelas wrote a review...



Well, I may be late coming to review day, but I have lots of chapters to catch up on so let's get going!

Nit-picks:

Focci lit up, his feathery gills waving

I can't believe it's chapter 51 and you're still intriguing me with new details about your characters ^.^ Actually, have you ever told us how Focci breathes?

Sirena international law is almost unfairly weighted against specifus

This is something I do quite a lot too but I've noticed myself being irritated quite a bit by this. You quite often say "almost" when you probably don't need to. Like, I think if it is "almost" weighted against, then it probably is actually weighted against at least a little bit, you know?

A few moments later, Tejal cringed. “If you buy perfume, please don’t wear it on the ship. I refuse to smell floral when I see my parents again.”

Wait, I thought we were going to see Focci's parents?

They curled like frizzy blonde hair, so thickly clumped that the specifus standing on them probably swept up dirt as they moved, like one of those vacuuming robots.

Similar to the thing about Focci's gills a second ago, I highly enjoy all these little details ^.^

“I can’t tell you everything, but if you’re ever having trouble with Spec Corp, ships named for knowledge will help you. Even a number of specifus dislike Spec Corp, you know. Despite our pseudo-superiority over every other species involved in intergalactic trade.”

Is this meant to explain it enough that I can understand? It's fine if not, but if I am meant to you should know it's not clear.

Overall:

This was a really good amount of characterisation for a presumably one off character. I got to know roughly as much about them as if I'd actually met them for the first time, and that was really enjoyable. It's good to hear about Maj as well, even if I am a bit confused.

I'm not sure if it's just because my reading of this is so spread out, but I quite often find myself confused. There's just so much to keep track of now that this story's been going for so long. I think it might be useful to err on the side of being too explain-y and just make reasons why things are significant explicit to the reader.

This new plot development is interesting. I've been waiting to hear more about the court case. Obviously the plot point doesn't include any new information about that, but given all the information they have access to on the ship, I'd have quite liked it if this had prompted them to look the crew up and see how they were doing. They just seemed to be so important for a while that it's something of a loose end.

Can't wait to meet Focci's family!

Hope this helps,
Biscuits :)




Ventomology says...


I see that you are catching up today, so I'm going to hold off on replying until the end of today.

Thanks so much for coming back!



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Fri Feb 09, 2018 2:03 am
TheSilverFox wrote a review...



What a nerd, Ellipse thought. She looked to Tejal to see if he shared her opinion, but he had pinched his mouth in a wistful pout, as if he was jealous of Focci for getting to use the cranes. They were both such nerds.


If I hadn't called them the nerds beforehand, I would now. :P

Alright, review time! I didn't catch any spelling or grammar errors, so that's definitely a plus (alternatively, I'm extremely tired and don't notice things as easily, but meh, I'm an optimist). The whole chapter fits together exceedingly well. You skillfully move the current plot arc forward by having Ellipse search for a wheelchair, change her appearance, and generally improve her tactics against the bounty hunters. I'm fascinated with the anti-Spec Corp group, especially its representative. They're a combination of naive (accepting Ellipse's story immediately, indicating the existence of a meeting and its time, etc.) and intelligent (not telling Ellipse what the meeting is about or where it takes place). Were the specifus to come across anyone actually untrustworthy, the traitor would have only enough evidence to possibly go after Captain Maj, who I imagine would not want to disclose any of their secrets. In any case, it's a nice set-up for future plotlines/allies, since I suspect the rebellious specifus will provide help down the road. On the other hand, I love Focci's ambivalence about the anti-Spec Corp group; it will be interesting to see if he's wrong or right about them being ineffective. Ellipse still needs plenty of help, though, so even if they turn out to be marginally useless, she could always find some/any purpose for them.

I took issue with a couple things, to be honest? I'm trying to remember them, but I know I had a bit of a harder time reading this chapter than past ones. For instance, I think the "floral" part gave me the most trouble, though I'm a. tired, and b. don't understand fragrance terms...at all, basically. Ellipse flashing lights to the young specifus also struck me as odd, because you never mention that she pulls out the box. It might be a bit repetitive to mention the box at this point, though. I'd also like to say that it feels odd that Ellipse would be worried about trying to distract the bounty hunters long enough for the Conics crew to unload stuff, since I think that'd be the least of her worries, but it is their job, so I don't take much issue with it. The chapter's unexpected strong suit, in the meantime, lies in the worldbuilding. Whether in describing the sense of smell of the gatos, specifus gestures, and the overarching concept of Spec Corp's grip, you add some more exceptional details to your worlds. This is Chapter 51, so you're definitely deep into the story - I'm happy that you haven't rested on your laurels with regards to coloring your setting. Your characterization of the young specifus is also top-notch in its conciseness and effectiveness. At this point, I'm wondering if my writing style has been, to some extent, influenced by you? It's probably a variety of circumstances, but I feel like this story has helped me improve my dialogue and description skills. So yeah, at the end of the day, this chapter has a big thumbs-up from me, especially in terms of characterization, worldbuilding, and plot threads. Well done!




Ventomology says...


Tbh Fox, anything you read has the capacity to influence your writing style. (Also, I am planning to devote a day to catching up on BatP, now that I'm done with midterms and projects for the time being.) There's a delay between when you write and when you post, so it's not immediately obvious to me, but your style also changes when you switch what books you're reading. I wouldn't be surprised to see some Steinbeck-like chapters from you some time.

Honestly I wanted to introduce this specifus group earlier, but for some reason I forgot about them. Maybe the fact that they're coming so late to the game is part of your issue?

Anyways, thanks a bunch!



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Tue Feb 06, 2018 12:47 pm
BluesClues wrote a review...



Mouthbot translated, and then made an odd reference to Gustav Holst.


I love Mouthbot's continuing less-than-perfection at translation. It just really does something for the realism of the world-building, because you've got this amazing piece of technology that can translate any language, but it also has to be programmed and taught and it's not always going to get it quite right.

(I also enjoy Tejal's delayed reaction to things as he has to wait for Mouthbot to tell him what's being said.)

She heard Focci’s tail whack Tejal. “Do not get caught by bounty hunters either! You can sacrifice Tejal’s jacket if it helps you get away!”


Heh heh heh.

I liked the latter part of this chapter a lot, once the new specifus appeared. We got some new intrigue but also something that might help the gang out later on as they try to avoid bounty hunters. I particularly like the detail about "ships named for knowledge will help you." It's just kind of nice and also helps characterize both Spec-Corp and the people against it.

The early part was kind of...blah. Not in and of itself - the writing and humor is there as usual. It's more the fact that the last two installments were full of drama and high-speed chases, but this chapter opens without any remnant of that, so it just felt bizarrely everything-is-back-to-normal after Ellipse seriously almost got caught plus felt guilt over her constant escapes impeding the boys' project.




Ventomology says...


Sorry for the delayed reply. I've been stuck in the throes of a midterm project.

And you're right that the beginning is sort of out-of-place in tone. Maybe it would help if I tried to give a more tense vibe there?

Thanks again!




The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity.
— Amelia Earhart