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Young Writers Society



Conics Unfortunately: 10

by Ventomology


The Conics had just docked at the Aether pit stop, a mismatched hunk of metal repaired with miscellaneous scrap metal and the most god-awful cuts of concrete Ellipse had ever seen. She had half a mind to strangle whichever architect had decided to run with puzzle pieces as a motif for the station, even if the place actually looked decent with Aether’s vast, blue-white atmosphere as a backdrop.

Wrecktrix and Captain Maj were gone, stocking up on fertilizer packages and snacks and placing orders for a water tank refill and atmosphere reset, and Min was holed up in the cockpit running a simulation of the planetary orbits, leaving Ellipse and Focci to check up on the engines and solar particle shielding. The pair wandered around the ship’s exterior, half-working half straight up chatting, while Focci prodded and banged on the Conics with a metal stick.

“This seems pretty imprecise,” Ellipse remarked. She winced as the siren hit the ship again, tensing at the fizzle of electricity that danced across the metal.

“This sort of shielding is a new thing,” Focci replied. He wrinkled his snout and peered at the rounded metal sheet in front of him before smacking the ship another few times. “It is not an exact science yet.”

Considering that people could die of radiation exposure without particle shielding, Ellipse figured it probably should have been an exact science by now. “I thought this was like a physics thing. Have physicists not figured out all the mathematics of shielding?”

“The physicists have all been sucked into the black hole of studying black holes. Engineers design ships.” Focci held out his free hand, and Ellipse plopped a phone-sized black magnet into his palm.

“Well, I am fairly sure engineering is supposed to be precise too,” Ellipse said. She flipped over the magnet on the top of her stack and watched it hover above the rest, careful to make sure the cardstock between each magnet stayed in place.

Focci hit the ship again, and this time there was no spark. He hummed a note of minor triumph and handed Ellipse his stick before flopping towards the ship’s stern. “It is like Veisann’s Method. It works when the math does not exist yet.” He stopped and reached up to prod at a magnet already stuck to the bottom of one engine. “Now come here and give me back my stick.”

It probably was best not to ask who Veisann was, or what their method did. As Focci pulled the magnet off the engine, Ellipse joined him, stick in hand and ready for pass-off.

“So fine. It is not exact. Tell me how this all works.” She bopped Focci on the head with the stick and smirked as he spluttered at her.

Letting out a long, warbly groan, Focci tapped at the engine a few times. “Ahh.. so all the living planets have a molten metal core, yes? It does this funny convection thing that creates a big magnetic field around the whole planet.”

So that was like compass stuff. Ellipse could sort of get that, even if she had never actually used a compass before.

“That field keeps solar wind from blowing away atmospheres and drowning everyone in radiation. On the ships we use electric fields to generate magnetic shielding, and then sandwich lead between the inner and outer shells.” Focci waved at the stack of magnets in Ellipse’s arms and tucked the stick under one arm. “The magnets are for fine-tuning. They do not fall off in space because there is no atmosphere to drag them off.”

Ellipse was definitely lost, but she smiled and nodded like she knew what Focci had just explained. Maybe she should have taken time to learn more physical science words. Universal Biology could not teach her everything.

After much tapping and banging, Focci decided that he did not need to replace the magnet on the engine. “Ellipse,” he began, “I need you to fetch the lift-thingy over there.” He flung his arm towards the far corner of the docking bay, which had a welding torch, a number of drills, and a wide, low box with a hand crank attached. If Ellipse remembered correctly, the Fold Station in the earthling system supplied a collection like that in every dock as well, but the planetary pit stops lacked the funding for anything more than an atmosphere recalibrator. That was a perk of having explored space for longer, she supposed; the Triune System had better infrastructure and pilot assistance.

Ellipse crouched and slid her pile of magnets onto the floor, careful to avoid letting her fingers get pinched. She shifted to stand, but a flash of light bounced off the shiny, metal floor.

“Earthling.” That was Min. They repeated earthling a few times until Ellipse finally looked up at the floor hatch, where Min hung by the roots, swinging back and forth and twirling their vines in discomfort. “Captain is coming back. You are to go and help Wrecktrix with your weird mouth food.”

Thank the universe. Grinning, Ellipse shot Min a thumbs-up and turned back to Focci to gloat. “Guess what,” she sang.

“You are dumping the work on me so you can go shopping?” Focci prodded at the pile of magnets on the floor, trying to nudge one off the top. When Ellipse dropped her jaw in shock, he shrugged and curled his tail in. “I can understand a little bit of specifus language.”

“Why did you not tell me this earlier! I have been relating every single word to you for three days.”

“Go find Wrecktrix,” Min reminded her.

Ellipse pushed a hand into her pocket and growled at Focci. “Are you just lazy? Did you enjoy making me do all that for nothing? Mouthbot cannot see everything the specifus say to us.”

“I am just lazy,” Focci replied, feigning a yawn. Little jerk. He gave up on the magnets and flapped his hands at her, perhaps trying to copy the earthling shooing motion. “Now go. I want sub-ice crustaceans from Mao.”

Little greedy jerk. Sticking her tongue out, Ellipse pivoted and flashed Min a quick ‘yessir’ before picking up her feet and jogging out of the dock.


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Mon Jul 17, 2017 4:42 pm
TheSilverFox wrote a review...



Sub-ice crustaceans from Mao: All the perks of a dictatorship in a tiny, less-than-adorable package. :P

yes, I will probably keep doing this whenever I see his name. <.<

yes, you can tell I like a story if I'm extremely sarcastic about it

(uh-oh, did the "Democratic" "People's" "Republic" of China go to space? Are they in competition with the Americans, if this is similar to a future version of the real world, or did they beat the Americans? o-o )

I'll admit, I was a little surprised to find this chapter so comparatively short. As it stands, though, I learned more about electromagnetism, so I'm quite happy. I think I may have even guessed the intention of the magnets after I learned it was meant to dispel solar radiation, given what I know about the Earth's magnetic field. So, in spite of my lacking much knowledge on the topic (and being only barely aware of Maxwell's equations, for instance), I'm going to say that you did a nice job of explaining a simple component of electromagnetism in clear and understandable terms. Even if it managed to confuse Ellipse in the process. :P

Beyond that, I like the description of the Aether pitstop, laughed at Min's "weird mouth food" comment, and that Ellipse is surprised that Focci would think of revenge/spite. I mean, she did just hit him over the head with a stick, though playfully, and has been messing around with the magnets while Focci does most of the work. It should only make sense that he point out he already understands some of the specifus language (although, based on the flashforward, nothing particularly nasty) as a bit of revenge. And, of course, he's been with Min and Maj for presumably a while, so he should know at least the basics of the language. Nevertheless, he's still stuck banging a stick against a ship while Ellipse finds food, so I suppose she won in the end. Depending on the food, of course. :P

That's about all I have to say? It was cool to see the Aether pitstop, everything flows smoothly, the concept of an atmospheric resetter and the other devices in the area intrigue me, and I appreciate the worldbuilding of the Triune system having been in space for far longer than the earthlings. Was it perhaps the Triune who found the earthlings first, rather than the other way around? Did the Chinese and American governments use the technology of the Triune system to advance their own space race and colonize other moons/planets? Is that race ongoing, or do we actually have a winner? Considering questions like these, I found this chapter to be captivating and fun to read through. I look forward to the next one!




Ventomology says...


Haha did you know that Mao is also Mandarin for "cat?". We may be thinking of two entirely different nouns there. However, there will be plenty more Earth politics in the future. Worry not.

Thanks again! I'll get to your chapter as soon as I get home from work.



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Sun Jul 16, 2017 2:32 pm
ExOmelas wrote a review...



For some reason I'm struggling to face the green room today so imma hang out here for my Team Tortoise review of the day :)

Nit-picks and nice moments:

Wrecktrix and Captain Maj were gone

So Wrecktrix is important on the ship after all?

Min was holed up in the cockpit

I suppose this is neither a nit-pick or a nice moment, but I was reading The Silmarillion the other day and couldn't for the life of me remember why the name Mîm sounded so familiar. I think it was this, so I guess your characters are making an impression on my mind :P

The physicists have all been sucked into the black hole of studying black holes.

I forgot how much I enjoy your humour.

I've just realised I don't actually understand what the problem with the shield is. Like, what made Ellipse think it was imprecise? What is imprecise for that matter? Oh wait, were they sent out to test something? It's a while since I read the last chapter.

physical science words

I'm not sure "physical science" is the right term, but I could be wrong.

They repeated earthling a few times

I'm really enjoying the genderless character here.

Overall:

Character: I think the relationship between Ellipse and Focci is getting more solid. The problem had been that Focci seemed like a guardian angel saving her at first, then turned out to be a bit of a jerk, but Ellipse was acting like he had been a jerk from the start. I like the relationship between them and can see why that would be something you wanted to write, but it was a bit confusing why Ellipse continued to hang out with Focci.

Now however, I can see that they're friends and are making fun of each other in the way friends do, so this is much easier to engage with. I think if you just had Focci have some underlying jerk traits to begin with - eg exasperation at her for getting in trouble in the first place - this would now be even more convincing.

Setting: I think this is my fault for the gap between reviews, but I can't actually remember what is they're doing atm. I can tell they're checking the ship, but sometimes they were checking elements of the ship that I wasn't really clear on. I, like Ellipse, do not physics, so some more description of what they look like would be helpful.

The better resources of the system they're now in was a really nice touch.

Plot: This is quite a simple chapter with seemingly nothing important going on. It's enjoyable to read, but that's because of characters not plot. The flashforwards are probably what would be motivating me to read on if I was a normal reader paying for the story and without the added bonus of getting points once I've read it. It might help to link those in to the current events that are happening.

Hope this helps,
Biscuits :)




Ventomology says...


Thanks! Honestly, I probably should have planned out the relationships in this story a little better, but there's always draft two, right?



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Sun Apr 30, 2017 8:33 pm
Rydia wrote a review...



Hi! I've not ready any of the previous parts so if I mention something you feel you've covered earlier, please feel free to ignore me!

Specifics

1.

“This sort of shielding is a new thing,” Focci replied. He wrinkled his snout and peered at the rounded metal sheet in front of him before smacking the ship another few times.
This is slightly awkward phrasing - I'd suggest 'smacking the ship a few more times' would flow more smoothly. Or 'smacking the ship several times more.'

2.
“The physicists have all been sucked into the black hole of studying black holes. Engineers design ships.”
This took me a few readings to understand and it doesn't seem like the kind of saying a person comes up with on the spot unless they're super witty. Is this character super witty? Or is there a sense that they've planned this saying well in advance?

3.
After much tapping and banging, Focci decided that he did not need to replace the magnet on the engine. “Ellipse,” he began, “I need you to fetch the lift-thingy over there.”
Focci seems like he's technical so it's odd he doesn't use the technical term for the item. Does he not know what it is? Is it something he uses frequently? Just something to think about!

Overall

This is very dialogue heavy - that's not a bad thing necessarily and when you have the descriptions, they're solid but it's perhaps lacking in a clear plot movement or action focus. The technical stuff doesn't seem particularly crucial and it feels like it's a filler section but it's a bit heavy to be filler.

The characters seem to have a good relationship though, especially toward the end when there's a nice back and forth about her translating for him. I think that gives a really solid insight into Focci's personality - it shows not only that he's lazy but that he's also not ashamed of it so he's definitely confident and he seems like a pretty fun guy.

Best of luck with this!

~Heather




Ventomology says...


...Well, I try to make sure filler-ish details become plot relevant, but sometimes with LMS I get sidetracked. We'll see if what I have in mind for the shielding gets used or not? Probably not the nicest way to write, but I'm trying to be prepared for whatever crazy plot device I can think of, because the last time I did LMS, I was at fault for not foreshadowing anything enough.

Thanks so much! I'm glad you like Focci.



Rydia says...


No problem and that makes sense, foreshadowing can be a really great device and yes, if you find a way to use the shielding later on then that will be a nice aha moment for the reader.



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Mon Apr 24, 2017 4:13 pm
BluesClues wrote a review...



Aw, man. That's IT? Gosh, this one felt so short! But maybe because it was giving my brain something to do while I did the mindless task of separating sale tags, so now I have a bunch more mindless task left and no more brain entertainment. Alas.

So I liked this, kind of, because you gave us a reason that Ellipse knows so much about alien life forms. (Universal biology sounds awesome and it's all the science you should ever need. Let someone else bother about physics.) Also, you show us that she doesn't magically know everything like characters often do in sci-fi or fantasy.

Ellipse was definitely lost, but she smiled and nodded like she knew what Focci had just explained. Maybe she should have taken time to learn more physical science words. Universal Biology could not teach her everything.


At the same time, I thought it was a little funny she would ask Focci to explain this if she doesn't know much physics terminology and thus can't really understand his answer. (I think I more or less understood the real-world science you used as a basis. Which p.s. I also like. Did you see or read The Martian? The real-world science stretched just a little to apply to his speculative situation was one reason I loved that, too.)

I also think the teasing in this chapter came off a lot more, um, not in character exactly, but in-relationship, if that makes sense? If you remember that a while back I said the teasing in some chapters seemed sort of sudden and odd because prior to that Ellipse and Focci had been nice to each other/impressed with each other/helpful to each other. But in this chapter it came across much more like "we have become friends and are now joshing each other in that way friends do." So good job there.

Can't wait for more!




Ventomology says...


This actually is a shorter chapter than what I have been putting out, so that would explain why you felt it was short. But I am glad you enjoyed it! I feel like things are going a little slowly at the moment.

Thanks a bunch!




Your presence can give happiness. I hope you remember that.
— Jin, BTS