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This Is Our Fight

by VegasLights

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40 Reviews

Points: 51
Reviews: 40

Mon Jun 08, 2020 6:41 pm
Beautifulsparkle wrote a review...

Hello, i am here to review the poem. I think it is a beautiful poem with a great message. I like how you make it rhyme yet at the same time don't make all your poem rhyme, sometimes it's good to mix it up. The first stanza talked very clearly about how some men underestimate women or think of them as the weaker sex. They likely do not understand the struggle women go through for their rights, and i'm glad you pointed that out. In my opinion, women can be just as educated and strong as men, strenght can be emotional too, not only physical. In your second stanza you talk about dangerous eating disorders that are unfortunately consuming the youth of today. I think men can struggle with bulimia or anorexia too, even though it's more common in women. In your third stanza you talked about sexual assault, a very strong subject to write about. I applaud you for having the courage to bring it up. On your last stanza you told us about how some people are pushing aside our problems. That happens but what one needs to remember is that not everyone is mysoginistic when it comes to women.There are wonderful people who have our back. People like you.

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1011 Reviews

Points: 120515
Reviews: 1011

Sun May 31, 2020 3:47 am
alliyah wrote a review...

Hi Vegas,

here to review your poem!

I didn't see any punctuation / grammar issues - > you seemed to choose a consistent punctuation and capitalization scheme that made sense for the poem and was not distracting to the content.

The rhyming ended up feeling a bit repetitive (especially with some of the same end-words being repeated), and I think I'd actually love to see what this poem would become if you tried to shift the subject into a free verse poem.

The content is quite serious, addressing some of the difficulties that some women (and men) encounter in the form of assault and eating disorders. Still the poem's tone felt very strong, especially in the questioning attitude at the end, it felt like the speaker was accusing the subject or interrogating them. I think ending on a stanza that didn't use questions but statements would be even stronger especially if it could link back to the title of "our fight". As it is, I'm not really sure what the title is referring to; why is it important that these things are the fight of "women," especially when people besides women should also be concerned with them as well? The fight against assault surely needs the involvement of everyone? I'm just not quite tracking with what the point the reader is supposed to get from the piece as a whole. So I think a bit more direction and attention to making one precise message would be well placed.

Also I wanted to ask if you intended the poem to be formatted as a phone screen-shot? I actually kind of like that as a formatting decision not to just crop-it down to the text, because it feels more "in the moment" and maybe more personal. Like a poem being held or spoken rather than just delivered. I think you're tackling some intense topics, but I'd really love to see what else you could do perhaps with a free-verse approach even.

all the best,

- alliyah


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Points: 9
Reviews: 67

Wed May 13, 2020 6:41 am
brookeallo wrote a review...

I really enjoyed the poem. As a female I can relate and understand all the feelings here. I really liked the first stanza the flow was really good. I do think its a little redundant how it ends with fight as the last word it just interupted the flow a bit. There are some grammar issues such as capitalization / puncutation that if fixed would help the flow. I like how the middle two stanzas each had their own commen theme. I really enjoyed reading this and hope to review more from you soon! Keep writing. :)

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11 Reviews

Points: 88
Reviews: 11

Sun May 10, 2020 4:04 pm
zc927 says...

I really like the rhythm to this poem! It's a great start, and with a few more stanzas (there is plenty of unfairness to lament about), this poem could become amazing.

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34 Reviews

Points: 1777
Reviews: 34

Sun May 10, 2020 10:14 am
sulagna wrote a review...

I loved ur poem vegaslights but i think that u could have add up some more points to ur poem. like u told about the rights u could have also exaggerate it as it is a poem.
I loved the way u explained ur self nd also the way u wrote.
There are many poems written about the rights of women . So i just u to just go throught them and then u will surely get more points to add up to ur poem.

it was great ! keep writing !
From Sulagna

The greatest part of a writer’s time is spent in reading, in order to write; a man will turn over half a library to make one book.
— Samuel Johnson