Hello,
I'll just be leaving a few thoughts here on your poem.
Just a few suggestions, I think this poem could use a little more specificity because we don't really know anything about the speaker's relationship with the other person - how they look, what they do, why they like each other etc. At this point the relationship aspect of the poem is very surface deep. I like the metaphor of Paradise that continues through out the piece, and the bits of imagery you had here and there though. I think the first line is a little weak, just because the reader has no idea what "that song" is referencing, so it's like saying "hey look over there" and then never revealing what's "over there". So I think if you could put some insight into that, it would also improve the piece.
Overall, the language was simple but direct which was nice and consistent overall. You did a nice job editing for grammar and spelling mistakes as I didn't really see anything that jumped out as being distracting.
Nice work! And best of luck in your future writing!
~alliyah
Points: 144550
Reviews: 1227
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