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The Unexpected

by VegasLights



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206 Reviews


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Reviews: 206

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Tue Oct 24, 2017 6:05 pm
DeerInBacPac wrote a review...



Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking hot cocoa and being a slacker. *Grim looks over, glaring* So, lets get started. :smt020

So, first thing I notice is that well, nothing! I did not notice anything wrong with the poem and the flow was pretty good. I liked how you descriptive the unexpected as well. How it doesn't have to be just love. How it can be a simple smile or laugh. I like that. How something so small can have such a huge effect. A butterfly effect, if you have heard of that. It is rather interesting but before I being to explain what it is, lets keep moving on with the review, shall we? :P

Now is when I dissect your poem and see if I can't get its meaning right! So, in your poem you are telling us how unexpected the unexpected can be. It can something so simple or something so complex, so unknown, that words can even fail the most linguistic of us all. You are telling us to expect it to come from anyone and anywhere because that is exactly what normally happens. Even on our worst days expect one good thing, be it real or fiction. Because if we don't, our life could be just one giant blob of feeling let down and pessimism. To not let ourself fall, no? I tried and I hope I got close to the actual meaning at least.

Otherwise, I loved the poem and keep up the good work! Happy Halloween! I need to go now, Grim has some more dead to reap and I ran out of cocoa for him. Cheerios and fruit loops to you!




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31 Reviews


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Tue Oct 24, 2017 2:56 pm
singhvaibhav wrote a review...



Hey VegasLights, I really like your poem here. It's about happiness of all things and dare I say reading this made me very happy. I have a few suggestions

1. There is no flow to this piece while reading poetry you yourself would like a flow to it which is missing
2. There is no rhyming scheme.
3.try and be a little more descriptive. don't be afraid to put your ideas out there.


That's it, All the best with your writing




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364 Reviews


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Tue Oct 24, 2017 2:01 pm
zaminami wrote a review...



Hello VegasLights! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.

Spoiler! :
Happiness is an unexpected thing.
It feels great when you're in a good place,
But if you're in a horrid place it feels extraordinary.
Your frown does this little flip and boom!
You suddenly have the biggest smile.

Happiness can be anything, big or small.
It can be someone making a simple gesture or
Someone complimenting your outfit. {No one compliments my outfits XD}
Wherever it comes from{,} I know it will be
Unexpected{.}


This is a very good poem overall, with very good flow and rare issues. However, this doesn't give me a real reason to believe that happiness is unexpected. I'm not really that convinced. You just pointed out that when you're unhappy, when you feel happy it's extraordinary. I would maybe list more reasons why? I don't know. Keep up the great work :D

Why haven’t you given me your soul yet? --

Kara

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To be absolutely certain about something, one must know everything or nothing about it.
— Olin Miller