Forest Fire

Hey Steam!

I like the concept of the piece and the forest fire imagery relating to the spreading of rumors, it is an apt metaphor. I think the poem can be stronger by exploring not just the communication of that idea, but also getting the reader to fit into the narrator's shoes and feel as the narrator does.

Is the narrator only commenting on this phenomenon as a neutral observer, or did it happen to someone they know? Did they hear about it on the news? Did the narrator experience first hand the pain of a specific rumor gone awry? of tarnished reputations? and if so, why not expand and capture it specifically? This poem reveals that the dangers of rumors is both the fact that it spreads, but also that it devours as it spreads. And while I can agree that rumors spread pretty fast, I have trouble connecting the second part- the devouring. The poem doesn't go much into that, only states that it happens and so it falls a little flat.

Some poets on here had a discussion earlier about telling versus showing in poetry and maybe that discussion thread can be helpful for this piece and your poems overall? Here's the thread!

As a reader reading this poem, my biggest takeaway is the message "rumors spread like wildfire" and that's it, I don't know who this narrator is and why he or she is telling me this and I don't get to experience it first hand.

Stanza 1 opens up powerfully. Being afraid of people is something that is difficult to admit and share, and it is promising because it reveals a vulnerability. However, it gets resolved as soon as it was introduced so whatever tension that was built with the "I am afraid of people" is almost anticlimatic- afraid of people because of their potential to spread rumors like wildfire...but unless we know what the rumor is, and the affect of the rumor on the narrator, unless I know the stakes, I cannot relate to the narrator's vulnerability.

The second stanza repeats what has already been said, there's not really new information just extrapolating the steps of intentionally burning down a forest. I prefer this stanza to the first, it has a scene and an action and is more captivating, but together with stanza 1 is superfluous. Like if I were to say "i made tea. First I took out the teapot. Then I boiled water. Then I strained the teabag into the boiling water..." etc, all of this was already implied to you the first time, when I said I "made" tea c: so careful with that. An easy fix though, I do this a lot too.

The third stanza gets to be superflous also in that it tells me what happens after a forest fire, which again, is already implied. Your readers know what forest fires are and what they do and what happens to the woods. The choice to focus on them I think reveals how we're to care about the victims of vicious rumors, but without knowing or mentioning them in more specific terms, I don't really feel it. The devastation of a rumor, while compared to this disaster, is not being lived. I still don't know how it relates to the narrator, or why the narrator cares.

The last two stanzas serve as commentary, which has its place in poetry and can be a powerful tool but in this case feels like a lecture.

Overall it is not a bad poem and there were enjoyable lines "so they spread gasoline on the forest floor / and the people who believe / ignite the flames" <- my favorite. I loved that!

The biggest improvement I'd suggest is to specify more. Rumors in general is a vague concept and doesn't inspire me or make me feel anything. Specific rumors on the other hand can make me feel a whole lot. A rumor that narrator's father is a klan leader. Part of the mafia? Killed his mother? A rumor that the narrator was adopted? Even a silly rumor that someone has a crush on someone else and perhaps in the aftermath of that, a person feels betrayed- point is, it can be anything at all and the vagueness of "rumor" alone doesn't do anything without creating its context.

Do rumors hurt because they are lies and people believe them to be true? Because they are true, the truth hurts yet secrets not meant for public ears? Because what other people think and say matters? Because reputation and dignity are hard-earned and valued, and the dismantling of it so quick, so fragile?

There are so many different feelings and depths gone unexplored, so that's what I mean with "specificity", by choosing something specific you can help my brain connect more to HOW and WHY a rumor devours, not just that it does.

I hope this helps.

~ as always, Audy

Steam, Itz me Kimmy,
I think this is great
your other one is just scary
but this is good!
a lot of people are going to see this.
The flow is a little off,
but if you really look at the message it is really really touching
because it tells
the story
of so many lives

Hey steam1244, Queenie here for a review. Alright for starters, I really liked this poem. I think that it is sending a very good message. Also, it is a poem people can relate to because they have most likely expericanced or witnessed something similar to this. Now for the critiques, while this poem has a good message, it has some issues with the flow. I suggest trying to make the stanzas a similar length or have three have the same length and two have a different one. Also, you may want to replace some words. Other than that, I think that you did a really good job, and I look forward to reading more of your works.

Yo, steam!

If you break this down into message, flow, and imagery, I'd say you clear 2/3 easily. It's certainly, though, the flow that's holding you back.

For this, you simply need to address varying sentence structure and how much you repeat words like 'forest' and 'fire' back to back to back to back. It's very tedious and makes the piece difficult to swallow. This is an easy, rudimentary fix, and I have faith in your abilities to pull off a great fix here.

Otherwise, the ending is quite weak and could do with some remodeling. I get the tongue-in-cheek reference to rumors being tied up in the end, and I appreciate it, but it just falls flat to me, and that's disappointing.

All that said, the mid-contents are digestible, but still rough given the flow and repetition, and I'd suggest heavy editing, some tender love and care. This piece could be wonderful! Just give it the attention it craves!

Hope this helps,
Ty