GaMe OvEr

Hi. I liked your poem because of the detail you put into it. The emotion is also really clear and in some ways easy to relate to. The one word sentences at the beginning of every stanza made the poem a lot more powerful too. It's also interesting how you compared it to a game and how it was "game over" I was kind of wondering why you spelled it GAmE OvEr. Is there a special meaning to it? Or just to make it look that way? I haven't watched or read 13 reasons why so I don't know about the quotes, but they also add a lot of emotion and detail to your poem. Actually I'm not sure which lines are the quotes. Maybe you could add quotation marks to help people who haven't watched or read 13 reasons why, know which are the quotes and how they are placed to further enhance the power of the poem. The last lines in each stanza are also very emotional and they are interesting to read. They add a nice finish to each of the stanzas and also make the reader think about it for a minute. The last sentence in each stanza are also very easy to relate to, in my case at least and it's easy to see what the theme is or what the "author's message to the reader" is. I really liked the Gone and Forever stanzas I think the first three could be more powerful. I think you could find a better way to convey your anger or hurt because they are pretty wide topics. You could maybe use more descriptive words or add more drama into each one. In the first and "anger" stanzas, did you mean to have a repeat of "Thought you cared"? If you didn't mean to, I think you could use a different sentence with the same amount power and same meaning to avoid the repeat. The repeat is not necessarily a problem, especially if you meant it to be there, but I think it'll get the reader more hooked to have fresh ideas constantly being thrown at them. The more they read the poem, the more they'll notice the repeat. I

I'm sorry If I made the review too mean or anything, but I really liked your poem because it was very easy to relate to and made me think about things that I usually only pay half of my attention to.
-Lolo

Thanks for sharing. The poem expresses a deep hurt and disappointment over an individual who perceived love as a weakness to be taken advantage of, put on a mask to encourage it, and then move in for the kill. Feelings? They don't care. In fact, hurt feelings might be the thrill that motivates them if they are sadistic..

Suggestion:

Since poetry requires that we express ourselves in a very economical way, word-repetition unless it is absolutely necessary such as in a refrain, is discouraged. I was in the habit of overusing two words, "but" and "and". I only realized that when I began reading my stuff. A I downloaded this word processor which highlight repeated words and provided the summary of the times they had been used. To my amazement, those two words were all over the place.

Based on that economy of expression principle, I would reduce the number of times that the following words are used in this poem;

care = 4

nothing = 3

everything = 3

Another thing we have to be careful about is distracting the reader by unnecessary antics. This is similar to what happens when a musician starts placing the guitar behind his head and doing a split while playing.. The listener is no longer listening. He is watching the antics. The way those two last words are written had that effect..

Wow, I didn't know you could format it like that on this site. I wonder how you...
Wait a second... you took and uploaded a photo! You cheating bugger.

Nice poem though.