Control

by VegasLights

Published April 8, 2017

12+

In Poems

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Comments & reviews · 4
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With3r3dros3
Review
With3r3dros3 wrote a review Review · Apr 10, 2017

Hello!! It's me, WIth3r3dros3.

I only have a few things to say.

The poem is really good overall. One thing I have to say is I think it would be better to mention the voices first in the first stanza then mention the screaming first. Another thing I have to say is I love the emotion in the story, but I want more of it. Last thing I have to say is I love how you ended this poem. It kind of gives me goosebumps, in the good way.

Keep up the good work!!! :D

xo. WIth3r3dros3

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VegasLights
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VegasLights commented Comment · Apr 10, 2017

Hey, guys and gals. I don't know why it is doing the crazy indents. I did not have it set up that way, the way I had it set up was like a regular poem. So, please don't ask me to switch it because you see I already tried, and it won't go back to normal.

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sheysse
Review
sheysse wrote a review Review · Apr 9, 2017

Hey there! Shey here for a short review!
Overall, you have a neat poem. However, I'm here for the story. The formatting of this poem took away from the story of it, making it hard for me to focus on anything but the crazy indents. I'm not saying don't include formatting, but use it in moderation.
You should also include more stanzas, instead of one large bulk of words. Of YWS publishing isn't allowing stanzas, then put a hyphen or asterisk in between to split lines.
Other than that, great job! Keep up the good work.
-Sheg

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LittleLee
Review
LittleLee wrote a review Review · Apr 9, 2017

The poem is really cool and the manner in which you describe the voices is brilliant. However, you should use full stops at the end of each stanza. And you talk more about the emotions of the person who is being controlled by the voices. You could also talk about the people who are around the person-how they feel, their reactions, etc.
It was extremely nice, with many important meanings... Hidden meanings. I enjoyed reading it, hope you write more!



It's funny how humans can wrap their mind around things and fit them into their version of reality.
— Rick Riordan, The Lightning Thief