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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
This was interesting to read I have read many things about Anorexia Nervosa. I like how you describe the way that the person feels trying to do certain things. I suggest that you had a couple of lines about how the person looks. Just a suggestion you can either take it or leave it out. You should most definitely keep writing!
Hi, I have to say I really loved this poem and as someone who has suffered with eating disorders before, this really hits deep. I really liked the word choices. The way it ended by saying in the end when getting better you have to restrict restriction / the irony I thought was a really cool touch to the poem. I do think the lines could have been made to flow better a bit more but it definetly doesn't have to! I really enjoyed reading. I hope to review morefrom you soon!
Thank you so much and I suffer too!
hello, it's yellow!
i was scrolling through the green room and this poem captured my eye. this was a really good and introspective read for me! i really liked the progression of how it starts with the early stages of the illness and then it ends talking about recovery. i thought your use of oxymorons was very clever and you really personified this disorder to make it seem like it is a person or a thing that is truly restricting you from being a whole person.
with this poem, though, i have one word for you: more. i want to see more. i want you to delve into these ideas further and really elaborate on what it's like with having anorexia. as i was reading the piece, i was asking myself, "what would i feel like if my hair was thinning? what would it feel like only consuming mint gum and water?" as the writer, your job is to put yourself in the place of the reader and think of the questions the reader may ask. cater to the five senses and dig deep into emotion. you could also add in other ideas, such as how the media glamorizes this disorder and how you may feel about it, or the stigma with young women feeling the need to starve themselves just to get skinny. it's truly a tragic thing and i think going into further depth about those topics would make your poem more poignant and introspective.
by the way, i remembered that this slam poem exists and i think that you should check it out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16Tb_bZZDv0
ultimately, i think that you really have a great start! although, like with anything else, there is always room for improvement! i definitely hope to read more of your poetry!
-yellow
Thank you so much for your response! I%u2019m definitely going to check out that poem and figure out how to incorporate those notes into my poem.
Hi Vegas Lights,
Delirium Nervosa here to drop a review for you. I absolutely love the message behind your words! I think it is absolutely amazing and it is definitely a hard thing to write about something so personal so well done on having the courage to do that! I do feel though at times that the weight of the message could be emphasised a little more by using stronger vocabulary. That's all I really had to make a note of! It was a great read and I look forward to reading more of your work!
-Delirium Nervosa
Thank you! It%u2019s something that I struggle with and I wanted to write about it <3
You have done a wonderful job! Keep it up