Young Writers Society

Hi, this is ZeldaIsShiek, here to review another amazing piece of literacy and beat the Werewolves once and for all! For the Witches shall win in the end! But before that happens, I am going to help you improve your writing as a whole and improve you as a Young Writer in the process. Of this I am certain. I like all literacy, regardless of what genre or subject it is falls under. When I review your work, this will become apparent to you. Are you ready? Let's begin the review!

I love this poem, and I especially love the last line of it! I like how the whole poem is about how the person who the poet is talking to made their life better, but not for long. They helped them out of depression and gave them happiness, but the happiness did not stay forever. My very favorite part of the entire poem was the ending, when it is revealed that the person who the poet is writing to didn't teach the poet how to deal with loss; they learned that on their own, when the audience of the poem decided to leave. I think this is a very cool piece of work, and I can not find a reason to give it anything less than a perfect rating. Keep writing amazing stories and amazing poems, and don't forget to have a great review day! And for the Witches, we shall win!

-ZeldaIsShiek

Hey, VegasLights,

Gosh, if this isn't a sad and common situation. I think anybody who comes along to read your poem will know what kind of disappointment you're referring to. Because of this commonality, I got to go digging in my own personal memories and remember my own personal sadness in a general way -- oh yeah, that time he didn't teach me about loss, 'cause that's what you get to learn after they leave.

What I think would be more interesting, though, would be if you tried to make this poem less relatable and more personal or specific. When I read novels, I love the fact that I get to imagine myself as a character who may be similar in some ways, but is usually nothing like me. I still get to experience the emotions of the story, even though I'm imagining myself as a completely unique character.

And that works in poetry as well. Even though you might be describing your own specific experience with images and emotions from specific moments, the readers will put themselves in your shoes and enjoy the ride. For example, how was the narrator of this poem taught to laugh, specifically? What was the hell that the narrator was getting a break from? There's another dimension of building the emotion beyond the imagery, but even just specifics for now would make this poem a lot more fun!

I hope these thoughts are helpful to you. If you have any questions/comments about them, lemme know in PM or in a comment here.

Thanks for sharing,

Hannah

Hi Vegas! You express emotion very simply and authentically in this piece, nice work. The poem looks clean and you did well with keeping the punctuation and capitalization consistent all the way through. I would suggest maybe a bit more imagery and figurative language though. For example, is there a metaphor that could give some insight into how this loss felt? Is there a way that you could describe the hope & happiness from before in a more lyrical way that makes the reader feel those emotions? Right now there's a lot of telling but not a ton of showing. The stanza about laughing was probably my favorite - it gave some insight and specificity into the relationship the speaker is missing. I think a bit more specificity and figurative language throughout would take this piece to the next level.
Please let me know if you have any questions!

Best,
~alliyah

Hi! That is some great poetry. It's so deep and the pain is raw like I can almost see what you're going through... It's just amazing... Plz keep writing!

Well, I have to say, this is saddening.

Hello hello! Just wanna say that the poem is very deep that I can't even convey the message (either that or my grade in English poetry is super low, ahhhhh). Good idea expressing what you are feeling right now in the form of poetry. It's like alerting everyone that you are not in your best mood and would rather tell them in the form of literature instead of explaining what happened.

My favorite stanza would be the first one:
"You were my break from hell
But only for a little bit
You took away my lasting pain,
But then you gave it back"

I like this. Keep on writing!

Hello, VegasLights!!

I love this poem so much!! I think you did a very good job and the emotions were very strong. One thing I do love is how relatable this poem is. In fact, all of your poems are relatable. VERY RELATABLE. I would change NOTHING out of this - it's so good! Beautiful work. I notice no grammar or spelling mistakes, so good job! Also I love how you say one thing that happened and then you put it detail.
For example:
"You taught me how to laugh
And have a good time,"

Good job, love the poem.

Keep writing and best wishes!

xo. With3r3dros3