"Sing."
The organs come alive, the flesh attends, still dead. Both rise.
"Sing. Play. I shall stay for one last song."
Both comply. The flesh comes first. Blood and bone sing with what they have left. Surely not soul.
The organ begins, old air given breath once more.
"Sing. Play. I shall stay."
Each shadow cries. One last audience. One last song to perform.
"Sing. Play."
The organs sigh, groaning a final melody. The choir swells, chord and key.
"Sing."
The pipes pine away to the choir's quiet chanting.
"Sing."
The flesh finally falls. Bones break and crumble. All long dead.
"Sing."
And only ashes answer.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
AW MAN THAT WAS MORBID (this is when I realised it's put into the "horror" category, go me)
I do like your use of dialogue here. It makes the reader wonder who is speaking.
It looks like there was a struggle here. The speaker seems to be forcing the receiver to do something they are too tired or don't wish to do. I almost see the choir as being bystanders to this. When I first read "organs" I thought of an old steam organ. I enjoy the rhyme scheme between play and stay.
I don't see any spelling mistakes so kudos for that. Your use of punctuation makes the flow seem a bit choppy to me.
Very interesting poem, I like it, a lot different from the usual poem we read with rhymes and a light and cheery atmosphere. Grammar issues: In the third line you need to put a space between "they" and "have". Outside of that I didn't really see any issues. This poem is great, makes you stop and sit in silence, just listening to the noises around you. Beautiful job.