Young Writers Society

AW MAN THAT WAS MORBID (this is when I realised it's put into the "horror" category, go me)

I do like your use of dialogue here. It makes the reader wonder who is speaking.

It looks like there was a struggle here. The speaker seems to be forcing the receiver to do something they are too tired or don't wish to do. I almost see the choir as being bystanders to this. When I first read "organs" I thought of an old steam organ. I enjoy the rhyme scheme between play and stay.

I don't see any spelling mistakes so kudos for that. Your use of punctuation makes the flow seem a bit choppy to me.

Very interesting poem, I like it, a lot different from the usual poem we read with rhymes and a light and cheery atmosphere. Grammar issues: In the third line you need to put a space between "they" and "have". Outside of that I didn't really see any issues. This poem is great, makes you stop and sit in silence, just listening to the noises around you. Beautiful job.