Poems of naught but loves sweet kiss
They tinkle softly at the lips
But tragedy, in the end consumes,
the hearts of two, born to doom.
Poems of light, of hope, of sight
which breaks the clouds and storms the night
the hero comes with strength and might
to slay the dragon's deadly spite
Poems distorted
confused
alone
of which no one knows what to make.
They sit on shelves they sate themselves
on blood that runs like ink.
Poets sit
there minds gone dry
to the sucking void of speech.
The book they hold filled with
words untold
Takes the livings peace.
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Quite an emphasis about poems, i like your poem, but i would like to do my nitpicking first before the appreciation
"Poems of naught but loves sweet kiss"- i think you meant " poems are" in place of " poems of" , i stuck thrice in that like to understand the sense.
"hearts of two,"- which two hearts? do you indicate the author and the reader, or you personify poem and tell that even they have a heart which talks to that of the poet?
"Poems distorted
confused
alone
of which no one knows what to make."- i think poems is not fitting in the description. try "poets' in place and see if you like what it then means.
"sucking void of speech."- i really liked your expression here, it is strong and a perfect irony. try using more such punch lines and you may even shift it in place of the last line which is not that strong
"Takes the livings peace."- the end note is quite pessimistic. you see a satire is meant to be fun to read yet encoding a message. so i would rather suggest don't hint at the sores directly.
now the appreciation- your poem was great and i liked the flow. i even liked the imagery about the dragon that you used. keep writing,
Rituparna
15253!
There are some grammar issues in the poem, the "
theretheir" minds gone dry and lack of apostrophes throughout the piece. In the very first line, it should be "love's" sweet kiss. I like the rhyme though of the lips and kiss, it was slant assonance, and it really emphasized the softness of that moment.I think what hinders this poem the most is the amount of cliches though. There are a lot of poems out there talking about poetry, and a lot of hackneyed phrases with the "blood that runs like ink" and the "void of speech" the hearts and doom, storm the night, and all of that. But that's okay, a cliche is merely a rough draft waiting to be re-written. Take those same ideas and try to find new ways to say them!
For example, instead of blood that runs like ink, maybe they can sate themselves on an infestation of flighty moths with their soft pale wings reflecting the words off their pages. I dunno, give it a try and see what you can come up with.
I hope this helps!
~ as always, Audy
Hello Tuesday here for a review. i like to begin that this poem has described poems (that I have read) or mostly the poems that anyone could read since when we read a poem of some sort are traveled to another world beyond imagination (like short stories). Also the use of imagery in this poem can be used in the minds of the readers who read it since we love the use of imagery where ever we might go.
this stanza doesn't quite fit me as wonderful since what takes the poet's life? The book or the thoughts that he has possessed over himself? Maybe try clearing that up to make most of the sense to the people who might read this.Nitpick(s):
i think you should add a comma or a semi-colon because there is no pause to what you have wrote so it looks like a continuous stanza. They sit on the shelves, sating themselves [/quote] would be a much better replacement there.
Also there is a wrong usage of -there at [b] there minds gone dry since i think you did this by mistake (most people do) but i think it is suppose to be -their.
I think you should change -hold to -held since i would think that this poem is in the past.
Overall, i think that this poem could show what most poems are about since some have dragons fighting men while others tell a wonderful tale of a knight saving a princess in a castle. Also i enjoyed the little end rhymes that you have put in this poem; it gives it a little beat that he reader could follow along. Well done and keep up the good work!
Farewell,
Tuesday (Team Blue)