Hi. I've been meaning to talk to you for some time. Though I don't really know what to say or how to say it.
That's always been a struggle for me. But you know that already. You can probably read me like a book.
Besides that, I've been having a nice summer. The computer's been dragging me into fantasies and fierce competition. I've been traveling to, though not anywhere special. My families glad to see me though.
How about you?
I know you like your phone. I don't have one but you know that story. I still kinda hope that you'll text me something and maybe the thing'll turn on. But that's just wishful thinking isn't it.
I talk a lot huh. Yeah, I've noticed. I also laugh a bit to loudly. You've probably noticed that. I wish I wasn't so nervous, Honestly, it's a nightmare. But then again, you've fought the same thing your entire life haven't you.
Ugh.
I'm so pathetic.
You probably think I'm weak. I wish I wasn't. But that's why I am.
I don't do anything do I? I just sit playing games and typing these stupid words onto some stupid program. Then I hide them away from everyone, as if they'd even care. They wouldn't. I'm just some self conscious kid, judging people, being glad I'm not one of them, those "cringe-y" kids. Jesus, I'm so lame.
But you probably see that anyway. I always act like my friends. I even imitate you sometimes. Surely you've noticed over the years.
I promised myself I wouldn't end this on a bad note. I don't know how I'm gonna do that.
Um. I know most of this was about me. So I hope you've been having a great time. I um.
I think you're really cool.
-Sincerely,
C.L.R
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139,593 Literary Works • 672,612 Reviews
Hey there!
I enjoyed this piece but found myself wanting more. Who is this letter meant for? What is their relationship to the writer? Why was the letter written in the first place?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems like the letter was written because the main character wanted to start a conversation but didn't exactly know what to say so they started to ramble. I enjoyed the realistic aspect of that but I didn't quite understand what happened on the middle of the letter. The main character starts to voice his/her thoughts about themselves, and while they are realistically negative, they don't really seem to fit in with the rest of the letter. I understand thinking those things as the letter was written but it does not make sense to add them to the letter.
Also the line "I think you're really cool" also seems a little out of place. Previously, it was implied that the person the letter is for is close enough to the main character to be able to read them "like a book". They also seem to have intimate knowledge about each other's lives. Then when the main character decides to tell them they are "really cool" it is more of something you would say to some one you were just getting to know. If you are close with someone you don't have to tell them that you think they are cool.
Overall I think this has great potential and just needs a few adjustments. I hope this has helpful, and keep writing!
PS: families should be family's
Hello there, Apricity here for a review. After close to six months of not reviewing, I think I'll jump back into things with something short, like this.
As cliche as this sentence is, I think there is room for exploring why the MC thinks they're so hollow and possibly get some back story in as well. Why is your character writing this letter? They end with 'I think you're really cool' but there's nothing else to it? Then what was the point of this letter? You've titled this under a short story but this seems like a snippet from a short story, a short story still needs a purpose to its prose.So, this is obviously to someone possibly a crush judging from the tone. I don't quite know where to critique this from because it seems somewhat incomplete to me. It's been taken out of its context. I have no idea who this is addressed to, it merely starts with a simple word 'Hi.' There is no mention of names, no mention of the history of the two characters share. I know snippets of your character's life in this letter. Hmm, from the content it sounds like your character is talking to someone who is close but also someone they respect. There is a fair bit of stream-of-consciousness occurring in the middle. And it's quite interesting, there is definitely room for more discussion.
However, I like what I see here. Maybe because it's short but I think you've a distinctive voice even within these short lines so this is definitely something you can work on if you wish to.
I hope this review has been of some help to you, if you've got any questions please don't hesitate to ask me.
-Apricity
What kind of discussion? Like exposition on the character or other stuff? Also, If you could explain what you mean by a purpose to the prose that would be cool
(Sorry if this comes off as rude. I just like getting to the point)
No it's alright, I appreciate you asking for feedback it makes me a better reviewer as well. Yes discussion as in character backstory, contexualizing the story for the readers. So, who are they writing to? Why are they writing this letter? What's their relationship? Etc.
A purpose to the prose, why should we care about this letter. At the moment I don't know why I should care about this letter at all, it seems like you wrote this for the sacking of writing it (to be blunt). What's the message you're trying to get across? Why did you write this and decided to share it with us?