z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

For Sale: Beginnings, Middles, and Ends

by StupidSoup


Beginnings, middles, and unfortunate ends.

Stay just a while and I will find each for you. The order, however, I cannot guarantee.

I sell stories you see. I sell them for young hearts and old minds. Appreciated by each, if only for a little while.

The problem with this language is that it is too temporary. Words are read and forgotten and remembered again in some strangled twisted pattern. So much hard work is mangled within minutes.

Thus I cannot guarantee your tall tale will not appear a bit squashed. Or your fable may seem a bit fake.

But I can guarantee you will receive a story. A beginning, middle, and end.

Oh unfortunate end. 

So come one come all. I sell havoc: shimmering lights and fire. I sell fate and finality. 

So buy your last words here, dear soul. 

A beginning, middle, and end.

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745 Reviews

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Wed Nov 16, 2016 3:22 am
Lumi wrote a review...



This was surprisingly pleasant and I'm not sorry. Graphite is right below in saying it reminds her of Shel Silverstein - as it reminds me similarly.

To that end, it begs almost for a meter that I would suggest toying with? There are parts that follow a small pattern, but it's irregular and chortled instead of the smooth laugh that SS gives. The sentiment is nice and quaint and almost sobering as a writer and human, and that's to be appreciated for both face-value and inferred value.

Your recurring motif of beginning, middle, and end is a nice packaging, and I'm beginning to realize that I don't have many qualms with this piece other than the irregular heartbeat of the flow. Some parts felt prosaic and others felt silken and the connective tissue between the two felt synthetic. That's where your only residual issue lies.

Beyond that, good job, numbers.
Lumi




StupidSoup says...


Thanks! A question though, what does meter mean?



Lumi says...





Lumi says...





StupidSoup says...


Thank you dear sir!



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Tue Nov 15, 2016 2:23 pm
graphiteshimmer says...



I really like this! It was really interesting, and a great poem about writing. It reminds me of Shel Silverstein in a way. Good luck writing!




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Tue Nov 15, 2016 1:23 pm
sam29 says...



Like how a writer actually feels !! Great theme.




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Tue Nov 15, 2016 10:11 am
Casanova wrote a review...



Heya, Captain! Your friend Casanova here for a review!

WHOA! FOR THE MOST PART THIS Is GRAMMATTiCALLY CORRECT! WHAT?! I'mJust playing.

For the most part I found this was really interested. One thing I don't get- how is it horror? I'm not exactly seeing that right here. It seems more mystery/suspense than anything- there isn't anything frightening about it, even in a funny way.

One thing I found odd in this poem was switching between story, fable, and tall tale. Yeah, I know the latter two can be a story, but this kinda struck me as odd.

The next things I noticed were grammar related. Here they are-

The order however I cannot guarantee.


The way I read your poem, and I could be wrong, was slow paced. In my opinion this should be used as a regular transition word, and be done like,"The order;however, I cannot guarantee." For flow purposes, I would really suggest this. It keeps it in the slow, mystery/suspense(and yes, even horror) tone.

The problem with this language is that it is to temporary.


The,"to," here should be,"too." You're not GOING to temporary, it is overly temporary, and I'm sure you understand this.

Words are read and forgotten and remembered again in some strangled twisted pattern.


Aye, two things here. And first of all is for flow(well, both are, but the latter one is a grammar mistake) The,"Words are read and forgotten and remembered," part would do better as,"Words are read, forgotten, and remembered." Also, you could leave out the,"forgotten part," and it wouldn't hurt it any, and might do better considering the poem. The next part is,"some strangled twisted pattern."This should have a comma between,"strangled," and,"twisted." Two adjectives are usually separated by a comma.

A beginning middle and end.


This should have a comma between,"beginning," and,"middle."

So come one come all.
This should have an,"and," between,"one," and the second,"come." Not only for grammar reasons, but flow as well.

The last thing is-

So buy your last words here dear soul.
I'd think about using a comma before,"dear."

Anyway, that's all I have for right now. Hope this helped!

Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on.


Your friend, Matthew Casanova Aaron.





You must never give into despair. Allow yourself to slip down that road, and you surrender to your lowest instincts. In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of inner strength.
— Uncle Iroh