Beginnings, middles, and unfortunate ends.
Stay just a while and I will find each for you. The order, however, I cannot guarantee.
I sell stories you see. I sell them for young hearts and old minds. Appreciated by each, if only for a little while.
The problem with this language is that it is too temporary. Words are read and forgotten and remembered again in some strangled twisted pattern. So much hard work is mangled within minutes.
Thus I cannot guarantee your tall tale will not appear a bit squashed. Or your fable may seem a bit fake.
But I can guarantee you will receive a story. A beginning, middle, and end.
Oh unfortunate end.
So come one come all. I sell havoc: shimmering lights and fire. I sell fate and finality.
So buy your last words here, dear soul.
A beginning, middle, and end.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
This was surprisingly pleasant and I'm not sorry. Graphite is right below in saying it reminds her of Shel Silverstein - as it reminds me similarly.
To that end, it begs almost for a meter that I would suggest toying with? There are parts that follow a small pattern, but it's irregular and chortled instead of the smooth laugh that SS gives. The sentiment is nice and quaint and almost sobering as a writer and human, and that's to be appreciated for both face-value and inferred value.
Your recurring motif of beginning, middle, and end is a nice packaging, and I'm beginning to realize that I don't have many qualms with this piece other than the irregular heartbeat of the flow. Some parts felt prosaic and others felt silken and the connective tissue between the two felt synthetic. That's where your only residual issue lies.
Beyond that, good job, numbers.
Lumi
Thanks! A question though, what does meter mean?
http://lmgtfy.com/?q=poetic meter
This.
Thank you dear sir!
I really like this! It was really interesting, and a great poem about writing. It reminds me of Shel Silverstein in a way. Good luck writing!
Like how a writer actually feels !! Great theme.
Heya, Captain! Your friend Casanova here for a review!
WHOA! FOR THE MOST PART THIS Is GRAMMATTiCALLY CORRECT! WHAT?! I'mJust playing.
For the most part I found this was really interested. One thing I don't get- how is it horror? I'm not exactly seeing that right here. It seems more mystery/suspense than anything- there isn't anything frightening about it, even in a funny way.
One thing I found odd in this poem was switching between story, fable, and tall tale. Yeah, I know the latter two can be a story, but this kinda struck me as odd.
The next things I noticed were grammar related. Here they are-
The way I read your poem, and I could be wrong, was slow paced. In my opinion this should be used as a regular transition word, and be done like,"The order;however, I cannot guarantee." For flow purposes, I would really suggest this. It keeps it in the slow, mystery/suspense(and yes, even horror) tone.
The,"to," here should be,"too." You're not GOING to temporary, it is overly temporary, and I'm sure you understand this.
Aye, two things here. And first of all is for flow(well, both are, but the latter one is a grammar mistake) The,"Words are read and forgotten and remembered," part would do better as,"Words are read, forgotten, and remembered." Also, you could leave out the,"forgotten part," and it wouldn't hurt it any, and might do better considering the poem. The next part is,"some strangled twisted pattern."This should have a comma between,"strangled," and,"twisted." Two adjectives are usually separated by a comma.
This should have a comma between,"beginning," and,"middle."
This should have an,"and," between,"one," and the second,"come." Not only for grammar reasons, but flow as well.
The last thing is-
I'd think about using a comma before,"dear."
Anyway, that's all I have for right now. Hope this helped!
Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on.
Your friend, Matthew Casanova Aaron.