Time walked upon the gloomy sidewalk, his graying cloak a perfect match for the troubled sky above.
I met him there at the bus stop and asked him why he did not sit as I did.
Time said he simply did not have the patience to wait.
I asked him why he could not wait with me at the bench.
Time said he was still learning to carry on a conversation, his broken heart still learning to sing.
I asked him why he needed such a thing as a heart.
The sky had no heart.
The sun and moon had no heart.
The earth below us had no heart.
And he turned and answered thus:
Because the words letting go. Because so many had given up before him that he felt it impossible to just move on. Because if he left, then who would be left to hold on?
And I had no answer to that. But Time, he smiled at me knowingly. Then the bus came, and I stepped aboard,
But I turned and saw the he was not in pursuit. I dared to ask why.
Time simply answered that he was holding on for me. That he would hold on for everyone.
Because no one else was there to do it.
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140,653 Literary Works • 673,580 Reviews
Everything about this poem is perfect.
YOU ARE SO GOOD
I really loved this poem. The message was so great and wonderful. I didn't really see many nitpicks, but you know, just little errors, that everyone has.
I really liked your message of this poem. It meant a lot to me. I hope that others can see how great the message is. I really liked it.
I also like how you personified the message. It was a really great poem to read about, and I hope you write more poems like this. All the time.
Keep up the fantastic writing,
Love,
Dogs <3
Thanks
I liked the message and the way you personified it...it's good try
Hi there
, I have to say I love your username it reminds me of Lilo and Stitch because of the numbers. Now to the Review:
Criticisms: Alright, I really like the whole Time personified things but saying Time in every line is very repetitive. Unless you were aiming to do this for a specific purpose or reason I'd recommend changing them. Maybe use the word he/ him, or something that describes him depending on the line.
"Time walked upon the gloomy sidewalk, it's graying cloak a perfect match for the troubled sky above.
I met it there at the bus stop and asked him why he did not sit as I did."
I noticed through out the whole poem you had a contradiction, you state Time as both a "he" and as an "it". You need to be consistent, so choose one or the other, not both.
"I asked him why he could not wait with me at the bench. " the "at" should be "on" you wait on a bench when you sit on it, not at it. (He waited at the bus stop, He waited on the bus stop. He waited at the bench, he waited on the bench. Get it?)
"But I turned and saw the Time was not in pursuit." You should change "the" to "that" because if not it'd be like this. I saw the Marshall was not in pursuit. I saw that Marshall was not in pursuit.
Grammar overall is pretty good with just a few minor details.
This poem was really interesting, it involved both time and heartbreak which is a very relatable topic. Some lines of your poem seemed a bit long and more like flash fiction but this was really good. It was simple and you don't see that much in poetry anymore. Most have a lot of different kinds things added to make it very poetic.
Thanks. The changes have been made.