Funny thing about time. It starts when you appear in this world and even then, it slips through your fingers.
We once saw time as it went by. Caught a glimpse of the sad sad msytery and found all the clues we needed to solve it.
So we assembled those pieces. It took pain and sorrow yes, but we had our share of fun right?
I still remember a time when your T-shirt wasnt stained with more than just tears
When we finally lifted our heads again, I thought we'd found the answer, I could see it in the way you smiled, in the way your eyes crinkled when you were happy.
I still remember a time when your eyes held more than a glazed stare.
I never asked you what the answer was. It was foolish of me but I thought we had the world in our hands. There was nothing that could stop us.
But just like that I finally woke up as we all do eventually.
I always did have terrible timing.
Funny thing about time.
It ends.
For me it ended in a drive by shooting.
Was I killed?
Yes.
But I still sit by the window and look out at the street.
Wishing you were there next to me.
Ready to take on the world by my side.
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Canary word: Present
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
So I'm gonna do a light review.
I love the topic of this poem and your word choice/ diction is just lovely. The message in this price is touching and very relatable.
My only thing with this piece is your punctuation. Just because it is a poem doesn't mean you get to abandon the rules of grammar. Its mostly just little stuff like commas and periods, but those really do make a difference.
So overall, great poem it just needs a bit of revising.
Okay what I liked about the poem.
It was very relaxing wile I read it. And the name if the poem is very interesting to. that is what made me read your work. You all so poult me in your poem and I could imagine what you where saying so well done.
Now what needs to be fixt in the poem.
Okay first of this sent ins (We once saw time as it went by. Caught a glimpse of the sad sad msytery and found all the clues we needed to solve it. ) okay first you said sad twice in this sent ins. And second is the spelling msytery you do not spell it like that you spell it like this ( mystery).
And this sentients needs another full stop in it (I never asked you what the answer was. It was foolish of me but I thought we had the world in our hands. There was nothing that could stop us.) this bit needs a full stop at the end of it ( It was foolish of me)
And that is all that needs to be fixt in this poem so that is very good.
I hope you will let me no when you have posted another poem so I can review it for you. I hope you will never stop weighting, and keep up with the good work and keep weighting fantastic poems, paragraphs and story's. And I hope you have a good day are night ether one.
From jessiebear.