Is there ever a day in which the light fades?
When the mid-morning sun just calls it quits
and the moon dawns only to find the waking world
and the stars angrily twinkle against the light they know shadows their very soul.
~
That'd be the day the cowls come off.
When the ugly are beautiful
because the meaning of the words are lost in the strangeness of the night.
When we all stop and listen to the mad as they preach to us.
As lucid as a dream.
~
But until then we dash here and there
with our heads down.
Waiting for that day.
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Hey this is John and I am here to leave you a review.
I liked this poem because it was really full of emotion and imagery. My favourite stanza is the last one as it was a very nice conclusion to the poem, however I do have a few suggestions which obviously are just my ocd/perfectionist streak coming in. The first stanza could have been better if you ended it with the rhetorical question rather then beginning with it, however in that case the rhetorical wouldn't have that much power. So I would have ended it like this,' that would be the day the light fade'
Second stanza is beautiful and my favourite line is the last line 'As lucid as a dream'
I do have to say you could have split some of the lines into separate ones just to keep a better rhythm.
That is all.
I think this poem is really beautiful! Maybe add a question mark after "soul" since you're asking a question. I like your line "when the ugly are beautiful," and maybe you could add some more reversals to add to the power of the change you're trying to convey. But great job, this really captured me. I hope to see more of your writing
Hello!
I was instantly drawn in by the title of this poem and I'm so happy that I saw it because this poem really resonates with me. I love how it's quite a short poem, but it expresses so much thought and feeling, and it used some beautiful language. I actually did a drama performance about this kinda thing, about the depressed (instead of mad) actually being a sign that the world needs to change, and telling us what's wrong. I also think it's quite a unique poem, especially in the line when it talks about stars. I never thought about stars that twinkle angrily, so that was interesting for me. I also liked this line:
"When the ugly are beautiful"
The line is provocative. I don't know how, but I just liked reading it. Also, the finish of your poem was really nice and packed with feeling. I think it was perfect.
Overall, I'm really happy I got to read this poem. One little tiny critique I might make: on the first line, were you meant to use a question mark? Sometimes, I know, people write questions without them, but I'm just not really sure. It's only a little thing though but the whole poem was great.
Well done!
A/N: I have tried spacing the stanzas and the page simply wont let me. So until I figure out how to keep the spaces between the stanzas this formatting is the best I can do.
I had the same problem. Try putting a ~ in between stanzas, because that works for me. Hope this helped!
Thank ye!