Love is Lillies

I thought it was OK. I agree that the theme at the end should be weaved into the poem instead of plonking it randomly at the end.

I loved this so much It was amazing You did an awesome job. Youre really good. Keep writing

~Dannielle~

Wow...You're a thinker aren't you? As in, you sit down sometimes and think about why people do stuff. You like to question things and hold true to your logic or at least thats what I get from your last verse where you talk about young love. Its brilliant really! But If I may make a SLIGHT suggestion:
Ocean waves
splash in your eyes
dancing to melodies
of late nights SKIES
under the stars
I don't know really but I think it rhymes better with it there and I know poems aren't all about rhyming and it could affect what you were trying to portray so ... like I said, it's only a suggestion
Keep writing!

Greetings I'm LastPaladin and here's the review you requested. As I read this I couldn't help thinking of syndrome the' been there done that' idea, because essentially it regurgitated from many love ballads and songs, there is nothing original about this. Hollywood has made it clear what love is for everyone, but I don't know what love is to you, I doubt it's a bundle of cliché ideas which seem more like a Hallmark card than a poem. I understand this sounds harsh, but really that's what I felt reading this. See with love in poetry nowadays, being subtle is often a good idea, as one you can really trigger peoples emotions, and also capture how you feel in metaphors and many other language techniques.

Love poetry can so often come across as contrived, and this is what happens here, nothing new is brought to the table, it doesn't seem personal, doesn't seem real. It feel generic, like I've heard it all before. It's not hard to write about love if you really work on capturing emotions.

Beauty can defined many ways and so can happiness, it isn't limited to stale ideas or ones you heard on Rom Coms, it isn't meant to be scripted, it's to flow and seem like every word and, every line and every stanza is a part of your soul going into the piece.

Love poetry can be beautiful, but sadly this ends up stale, it's a valiant try, just not enough for me to say anything good. Because clichés can work in moderation, but in the end all this ends up as is ideas already sung, spoken and recited.

Hope this helps.

SilentRain wrote:Another old poem of mine...

When you’re here
I feel alive
so happy
to be by your side
or in your arms
you're so alive
so fun and free

Ocean waves
splash in your eyes
dancing to melodies
of late nights
under the stars
laughing and playing
in showers of rain
falling from the havens
to wash the pain away

You set me free
take me away
from a desolate home
to a wonderland
of fun and games
laughing and playing
in fields of violet lilies

But love
is not love
when one is so young
that is what we’re told
what we’re made to believe
but if love is not love
then what is it?

I think you could use more language to describe really how you feel. Right now, this is just telling us, smacking us over the head with your feelings. Last stanza is good but it doesn't seem to fit with the rest of the poem. Weave this idea of love is not love when your young throughout the whole poem and I think it will be a lot stronger.

I fell in love with this poem *.* Just simply great.

Cool poem, it's interesting to see how well people transform simple words into complex ideas.

OMG!!! This is prettiful!!!! lol well I like this and I don't feel like nitpicking so you're off the hook this time. It paints a lovely picture in my head and makes me want to dance around. Huzzah!!