Hear my words,
and run away.
Don’t trust the shadows,
and never stray.
The monster will take you up,
and make you his toy,
a mindless puppet,
and never again will you fill joy.
He will tell you he can help you,
and make your spirit soar.
Don’t go into his house,
your trapped when he shuts the door.
Don’t let him tell you he’s the answer,
he is satin in every form.
Don’t trust the lies that he will tell,
for then he'll unleash a storm
Don’t let him pull you under,
there’s no hero once you die.
Just keep away from the monster,
and don’t believe his lie.
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140,212 Literary Works • 673,042 Reviews
Hello! I really enjoyed reading this. The message it conveys is interesting and compelling. As other viewers have mentioned, it is spelt "Satan." But! On another note, the flow was nice and held nicely within the poem.The emotions were developed well too. I think that it could have been a tad more longer, just to be able to get sense of what type of "monster" and where it came from. I really enjoyed reading this. Hope you write more.
~Ballerina
So the others already touched upon the spelling/grammar errors, so I won't bother to reiterate that. Your poem had nice flow and rhythm, and you actually stayed consistant to your rhyme scheme without it taking away from the tone and meaning of the poem. For that, I commend you. But. Your poem was slightly confusing, because you never even gave us a hint as to who/what the monster was. That might be good or bad, depending on what your intentions are. If you want the reader to apply the poem to a "monster" in their own life, then this works perfectly. However, if you wanted to describe a specific monster and leave the reader with a powerful image of it, then you'll need to be much more specific.
But, overall, this was good. =]
I think if you're talking about the devil in "He is satin in every form," It's spelt Satan. But, of course wherever you are it might be spelt Satin.
Other than that, I thought it was a little dwelling, but very good still.
I liked it. In fact, it's the first time I think about clicking on a poetry to read. I like how you kept the monster identity hidden and never told us what he implied, because that made me think of the monster in my life. I just wish it was slightly longer, because I enjoyed it and wished to read some more emotions in it.
Good luck
Never again will you "feel" joy I think you meant to write. (You're trapped once he shuts the door) (He is Satain in every form) Scaratch out the "For then" He'll unleash a storm. Other than that I like it, explain who the monster is. Why does the monster do what he does? What will s/he do if it catches you? Things like that.
Good luck have a good day and keep writing!
-Soggy