Wrote this awhile ago... What do you think??
Recover your life,
stand up and fight.
Let go of the past.
Take the steps
to get to the future,
one by one,
not two by two.
You can make it;
I can too.
Recover your life,
make things right.
Break away
from habits
that bind you
and hold you,
keeping you locked up,
away from the sun,
and away from salvation.
Recover your life;
find the sun.
Dancing in the rain.
Forgive those
that caused you pain.
Forgive but don’t forget,
remember that hurt,
it made you stronger,
it made you who you are.
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139,558 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
Hey Rain,
Forgive me if this sounds too blunt, but this feels to me like it's a series of sentences pulled off of motivational posters. I know I say this a lot, but it's true here even more than usual: there's nothing here I haven't seen a lot already, and it's the sort of stuff I find on feel-good, you-can-do-it postcards and post-it notes. It's--well, it's very, very bland. Not bad, but definitely not something I enjoy, especially when looking for poetry. Why? Because all I really get out of this are platitudes and clichés. It's like chewing gum; you're chewing on something, but at the end of the day you're still as hungry as before, if not more.
Hey Silent. 'Sup?
Just kidding. Pink here
Alright, so I think this poem was quite nice. Deep and meaningful and held a pretty good rhyme scheme. The message that the poem held was cool too. I liked the way your worded this and the point you gave. Interesting, indeed. Honestly, I'm not a poet and my poetry is childish. Thus, I can't exactly give you good advice because I have no idea what to say that could make this better. But I did want to stop by and tell you that I liked it, really.
Cheers,
-Shear
Oh, my God! I love your poem! I mean... Hi Silent Rain. This poem... you have potential, girl. I really liked this poem, it's awesome... I gotta admit I admire you, because I want to learn to write poetry really bad! xD But I gotta say that I kind of agree with Kingolion. But it was still awesome, so keep writing, okay?
Byeez
Hey. This was a really good poem. I thought it was in depth and that it was also written really well. But the rhythm in places wasn't the best. I think that if you made some of the lines without commas connected to the next line, then it would be a lot better. In case that was really confusing, this is what I mean:
Recover your life,
make things right.
Break away
from habits
that bind you
Instead:
Recover your life,
make things right.
Break away
from habits that bind you
If you just changed that, then I think that it would be a lot better. But other than that, I think that it was really good.
Hiya Rain!
So I thought this was pretty good, it made me think of like a message to an addict, and I thought that was beautiful. I liked the wording you used for it, and it was done really well. Now one thing I kind of noticed right off was that it rhymed in places, but didn't exactly have a set pattern. Also you had a lot of telling, and not a lot of showing which is something you might want to think about for future poems. But besides that I really liked it!
Good job, and keep writing!
~Hope