Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,213 Literary Works • 673,042 Reviews
Hey SilentRain, CaptianRandom here.
I loved this poem, it was very sad how no one helped her. You seemed to have put a lot of time in this poem, it was very well explained. I loved how you described the person.
I loved this poem and i hope to read more of your poems. Keep up the good work.
-CaptianRandom
-Many crystals with many emotions
First, remember your grammar. Second, I love what you're talking about. People do need to open their eyes to the people who are crying out for help, because I know that there are people out there that need help but never get it. You lose your rhythm around the end, though, so try tweaking it until you can make it flow a little more naturally.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver
I reaaaaaaaaally really like this poem. At first I thought it was just some abused person, but then as it got to the second to last stanza, I realized rather than talking from a particular narration, it was more like, the air of abuse, speaking, reaching out from each perspective ("For I am the girl, the boy, the daughter, the son") Yadda yadda. Hopefully that makes sense haha. Anyways, not much I could critique on, apart from the obvious spelling/grammatical nitpicks. This poem was cool, and had a sad emotion to it. Well done.
This is so sad!
It makes me feel really sad, which I think is the point, yes?
Good job
The last stanza really made this poem for me. The idea that the abused are standing right among us and we ignore them is a deeply moving one. I also like the changing number of lines in the different stanzas. The different lengths suit each piece's content very well.
That said, I felt that the first stanza was a bit cliche. I would try to express the same idea in a more unique way, as a ghost drifting on the wind is a very commonly used image.
The last 3 lines of the first stanza seem disconnected with the rest of the poem. They don't quite mesh with the desperation of the rest of the poem, and the drifting on the wind doesn't fit with how the narrator is lying in the street for the rest of the poem.