Midnight wonders
Deep within a dream
Fading in
Fading out
But always nestled against a dream
Dreams of peace
Of first loves bliss
softly spoken whispers
love poems read aloud
Dreams of love
Sang like a beautiful song
Playing over and over
Dreams of visions painted in shades of blue
A misty beach
A full moon
A midnight walk
A stolen kiss
Dreams of a happy time
Of warm embraces
And beautiful blue eyes
Dreams that play like movies
Fading in
Fading out
Always happy
Deep within
That peaceful dream
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139,564 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
This reads very nice,i thoroughly enjoyed it !
Thanks for the review, recently I have been posting older work to try to see what needs to be changed to improve, or if they are good the way they are... this one is not that old but still not to recent... I guess I should go through and put in comas and stuff...
So, thank,
~Rain~
Cheers Silent! =)
Alright, let me start with the fact that I was caught off guard - the form of this poem just ain't ordinary at all nor usual. I tried to adjust to this unusual form and absorb all the poem has to offer. However, to be honest, I soon realized I'm rereading the poem many times and force my minds to make dots and comas at places. Let me explain, you see, there are lines there that connect together, but then all of a sudden the next one is just like an alien among humans. The dot/coma made me struggle with the poem a bit, connecting together the lines that felt like they have a connection and then reread the whole poem again. There were times, when miraculously I was riding on the flow of rhythm, but then 'boom', I realized the rhythm started becoming rocky. I was jumping over some big stones, but I still continued on as the imagination, yes, imagination was interesting. After finishing the poem, I ended up saying that the poem wasn't half bad, the words used were simple, easy to understand, easy to imagine, yet they didn't bore me. What I disliked though were those four 'A something' lines, I felt like repeating something again and again. All in all, this is a good try and poetry in my eyes and I believe you have what it takes to write great pieces. I'm just stuck on a thought that I'm not sure how good that form of yours would really go though, it just seems and feels kind of unnatural.
Don't feel discouraged ^^ If you stop, nothing would change. If you keep trying, you'll improve. This is a nice community of people that gladly review others' works when asked and give them information one needs to improve, just stick to it, keep writing and let me see some of the works =) I'm looking forward to seeing you bloom your poems or stories, keep it coming!
I enjoyed this a lot. (:
I wish I had the time to do a full critique... :/
Keep writing.
-KAT