Moving on

Hello Rosan, allow me to introduce myself. I am SecreteJournalist here reviewing for The Tsunami Tyrants ! I will follow you after reviewing this, because I follow everybody I review. So hooray to that c: ! As I read through the reviews before mine, I see they have all covered your mistakes. Of course, they are all easily fixable. My favorite Stanza is:

"There were things I should've done
before those moments were gone.
Now it's just history,
nothing but a distant memory."

It has a chilling message hidden beneath the simple words. Its absolutely great!
There is not much more I can think of to say. This is great, keep writing, I will eagerly keep reading!

Hi there! Sapi here. My review shall go inside your poem.

"There are memories I treasure,
some that I resent,
some of blissful pleasure,
and some of sad torment."

Beautiful introduction. Loved it. Perfect rhythm, easy rhyme. Great job! The only thing I might change is "sad torment". Although they are related emotions, they are definitely not the same thing. "Sad" brings an image of peaceful, quiet lamenting or melancholy. "Torment", on the other hand, gives an image of distress and turbulent emotion, of anything like anger, worry, or regret. They are somewhat contrasting, so maybe just choose one or the other image.
 
"There are those I can't remember,
some I can't forget,
others burn of anger
leaving feelings of regret."

Again, wonderful rhyme and rhythm. You really have a talent for that!
 
"There were times I would fall
and no one would care,
or as I recall,
people just stare."

And. I am sorry to say that the amazing-ness of your previous stanzas is somewhat lacking here. The flow is cut up, especially around the first two lines. It may still have rhythm, but it's a completely different rhythmic pattern that the first two stanzas, so therefore it really doesn't work. The last two line endings, and the rhymes that make them up, are sadly lacking and awkward compared to the first two stanzas. Don't get me wrong, with a few tweaks this stanza could be good as the first two! The meaning behind it is still clear!
 
"There were things I should've done
before those moments were gone.
Now it's just history,
nothing but a distant memory."

The rhyme scheme pretty much disappears here.
 
"But no matter what I've gone through before
all I can do is ignore.
I know I can't turn time backward,
so I have keep moving forward."

The message and feelings of the last three stanzas come through clearly, and that subtext, I think, is very beautiful. However, in the last three stanzas, you have lost control of your masterful rhyme & rhythm skills. So, my advice is, keep your meaning, but edit the last three parts so that they follow the rhythmic pattern of the first two stanzas, and have the same easy rhymes.

Overall, I like your emotional imagery and everything else in this poem, so keep at it!


Happy review day!

~Sapi

Hey Rosan,

Here is my review. Firstly it is so enthusiastic to review your work on this review day.

You have got good choice of words and I can find no grammatical error and spelling mistakes too. The caprice of rhyming sequence keeps me to continue reading your lines. This is of course very well constructed as a poem with divided stanzas and apt punctuation. Of all, it can be nominated for the best poetry work.

" There are memories I treasure,
some that I resent,
some of blissful pleasure,
and some of sad torment." and


" There were times I would fall
and no one would care,
or as I recall,
people just stare."

Have become my favorite stanzas.

Also, I feel that the last stanza would have been more better. Because I don't feel this fulfills the whole thing of your poem being a last stanza. It would have been much better.
Still, it is not a fault. But I put forward that to enhance readers attention.

Anyways, this piece of work settles my appetite. A great work indeed...!!

GOOD LUCK and go ahead.

Hiya, Rosan and Happy Review Day [Hurray for the Team Blue!] PPP I say this to everyone, but feel free to ask me to review anything at any time ^-^ I honestly don’t mind. I also help with editing, it’s sort of my forte, so if you’re ever uncertain about your work or have over read a piece, you can have me examine it and I’ll do my best to give advice and whatnot.
Anyway, onward with the review!
Firstly, you have a skill for poetry. Loving rhyming, very consistent and it flowed extremely well. You use very simple words, nothing outrageously fancy to the piece sound “better”. I would suggest a few tinny tiny tampering to make it stream a bit more smoothly, but maybe I’m just nit-picky?
“There are memories I treasure
And some that I resent,
some of blissful pleasure,
and some of sad torment”

A few simply added words like this would really make your piece sing a bit better. Just the little pesky “its” ands” and “buts”, kind of words. Above is just an example.
Anyhoo, this is a lovely piece and other than a few minor corks in word usage, you have something special here c:
Other than that, Well done, keep writing, and do your best!

Catnip~

Hey! Team blue at your service!

When I review I go from Stanza to Stanza:

First Stanza: I like the words you've used here, simple but connecting. I do have some tips for making the rhyme be easier to read.

"There are some memories I treasure,
and some that I resent,
some of blissful pleasure,
and some of sad torment." -- You don't have to take all my advice here but I'd suggest you really look over it, I think that part of the rhyming has to do with the way that you write it, and how it rolls off the tongue so that is just some suggestion. Also I think it is important you start with "some" since you used some through out the stanza, although I am not quite sure about that.

Second Stanza: Again some tips for the rhyming:

"There are those I can't remember,
those I can't forget,
others burn of anger,
leaving feelings of regret." -- I don't know about the "leaving feelings of regret" part, I mean it sounds a little strange when I read it with the rest, but I think it works, my head just doesn't want to accept it . I think it would be better as "leaving trails of regret" because "trails" is shorter than "feelings" and meets the rythym as I read it out loud.

Third Stanza: Again some tips:

"There were times I would fall
and no one would care,
or as I recall,
people would just stare." -- Again this is just about the rythym and the way it rolls off the tongue and also how I think it fits better as a whole. I like that so far you've made it a thought process of this person, I mean, I am sure we have all when through these thoughts and I have not often seen many poems like this so I find it really cool.

Forth Stanza:

"There were things I should've done
before those moments were gone.
Now it's just history,
nothing but a distant memory." -- I feel like this is missing something or needs something changed but I am not quite sure what so I would recomend you look it through and see what it is you can shorten or add. As for me, I think that what could help it would be to take away the "just" so that it would be "Now it's history" but you take a look at it, if you can.

Fifth Stanza:
"I know I can't turn time backwards,
so I have keep moving forwards." I think just adding "s" on the back of those two helps with the rythym but I agree with Audy's suggestion for this stanza, it makes sense.

So, overall good job! I liked your choice of though pattern, it almost was as if you were writing this as you were thinking about all your past life experiences. It was really nice to read. Just work on the rhyming scheme and keep writing!

Dream on!

Hey Rosan,

Nice rhythm you've got going. I think you have a great handle on rhythm and rhyme and I'm actually pleased with the way you're breaking your lines as well. A lot of poets what I see is they will arbitrarily break their line on a rhyme and the rhyme actually stands out and the break itself is jarring. Here the rhyme works along with the breaks to give a nice quickening pace -- fitting for a poem about moving on

I also like how you are not forcing the rhyme but allowing the poem to breathe on its own. History/memory the slant rhyme here makes it different and also it makes it engaging.

Watch out for that last stanza though!

But no matter what I've gone through before
all I can do now is ignore.
I know I can't turn time backward,
so I have to? keep moving forward.

" there are moments I treasure,
There are some I resent,
Some of blissful pleasure,
And some of sad torment."

This was a beautiful first stanza. I loved it.

" there are some I can't remember,
Some I can't forget,
Other burn of anger,
Leaving feelings of regret.

Tis was the perfect sequel to the first stanza. It fit perfectly.

"There are times I could fall
And no one would care,
Or as I recall,
People just stare.

Tis stanza left a feeling of neglect and of sadness. It flowed well with the rhyme scheme. I would just try to keep a consistent rhyme scheme throughout the poem.

There were things I should have done,
Before those moments were gone.
Now that's just history,
Nothing but a distant memory.

This was a sad stanza that left me feeling cold and kind of unwanted....


"But no matter what I've gone through before,
All I can do is ignore
I know I can't turn time backward, so I have to keep moving forward.

Wow. Tis was very empowering.

This poem was great!


~MindBlown

Belle here to review!

You're an amazing poet!

I love they way you rhyme and use such good words! And I understand this poem...I can really relate!I especially like the last two lines! I like what this poem touches on. How you can't go back and fix everything, and that it's just better to live in the now, not the past. And a good sign of a great poet is that your poem can teach the reader something! And I was taught something through this poem, and I think this poem will change the way I think and go about things! Which, that's another sign. You made an impact on someone's life! Be happy <3

Thanks for reading until here <3

~Belle

Hey there! Speakerskat here to write a review for Tisunami Tyrants!

Almost flawless rhyme scheme! I DID NOT like how you switched your pattern for the last two stanza's, that felt weird and unatural...like goop running down my throat. Just being honest. This is the best thing I have read all review day so far though . Mostly because I can relate to what you were talking about in your poem. I mess things up and over complicate things for everyone around me and sometimes I feel like everyone hates me! I take my mistakes from the past and drag them throught into my future and in the long run that really hurts me. Thanks for opening my eyes to that,really thanks. I LOVE the first stanza, the rhyming and message gave me goosbumps (in a good way) it was AWWWWWWWSOME! I will definatlety revisit this poem often to make sure I stay in a reality check

Thanks and Keep It Up!
~Speakerskat