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139,534 Literary Works • 672,600 Reviews
Wow every word written here is so true!
So many things there is out there stopping us to go the right way and most of us are so helpless too because we do not fight to do what is right! We simply cannot endure and so we give up and lose ourselves in the wind that carries us away throught the wrong way.
Anyways nice poem and really awesome work! Keep up the excellent work!
Ok, firstly hi and welcome to YWS.
Secondly I'm going have a crack at reviewing your poem (hopefully it will be of some help).
I like this poem and where you are going with it, that is to say the idea is great and you have a nice way of getting that idea out.
The good thing about this poem is it's simple and while not necessarily a nice poem, content wise, it is affective.
The one thing that hasn't been done so well is I feel as if you have forced the rhyme. You used 'elves' in the third stanza and to be honest it made me laugh and ruined how I felt about the poem. Personally I would change it but don't feel as if you have to.
Just remember that poetry should have a nice pace to it, musical like almost, so try not to force the rhyme.
I could write more but don't have much time, so anything you might want to know just message me
Good job though, you definitely portrayed different type of sins.
Love Nargles xxx
I love your writing style! How you write brings out who you really are in the different sections. It tells the truth about life how you can't live without sin and how it makes us go crazy. And it shows a few of the different types of sin you can make. I love the descriptions not many poems have a lot of descriptions but your is very descriptive.
It tells the life story of most humans, they sin a lot and there is nothing they can do but to say your sorry to try to make the other person fell better. The poem tells that once you have told a lie to someone else it is so hard to have the other person let it go.
The last part is, I think, the best one. I is very touching and it shows clearly that you are almost crushed by the weight of what you had done to that other living human being. That there was nothing you could do to help fill that empty stop that had been pulled out of the Parents/Wife/Husband/Children heart.
Over all it is an awesome poem and I believe it is very touching to most of the lives of the people out there that have done something very bad like the 4 point you gave lying, holding a grudge, Blaming someone else even if you know it was you, or finally killing someone. All of those are very big parts in some peoples lives. So again very good job on that poem and I hope to read more of your poems soon!
--chandowd