Beauty I've been told

by Rosan

Published March 24, 2013

E - Everyone

In Random Things to See

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When we were young, I was told
your beauty was something to behold
your hair was like a stream of gold
at any price could not be sold.
 
At first it was just a glance
out of curiousity, not by chance.
I saw you in a graceful dance
then fell into a sudden trance.
 
My heart accepted, mind denied.
To seal the fact I tried, I tried.
But these were too much for me to hide,
I wanted you by my side.
 
For years I've dreamt to see the day,
the time that I could finally say
how you have made me feel this way
in words that would conform, convey.
 
But now that you have gotten old
you've turned to corpse, into mold.
In the end I could not hold
that great beauty I've been told.
Comments & reviews · 5
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Rosan
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Rosan commented Comment · Mar 25, 2013

Thank you for all the positive feedback guys!

OliviaWhoWrites wrote a review Review · Mar 24, 2013

This was a lovely poem! While I expected it to be just fluffy and romantic it took a tragic turn in the last stanza which was unexpected. My favorite lines were the first two lines in the third stanza "My heart accepted, mind denied. To seal the fact I tried, I tried." I really like the depiction of the phrase "I tried, I tried."

Keep up the good work!

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Astrid097785 Comment
Astrid097785 commented Comment · Mar 24, 2013

Nice poem.

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KelliLocks
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KelliLocks commented Comment · Mar 24, 2013

Oh my! This is one of the best poems I have EVER read!!! It is amazing! I have no complaints, I love the message and I feel the same way it is describing! Keep writing I would love to read more from you!!!!!!!

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Nightnotes Review
Nightnotes wrote a review Review · Mar 24, 2013

I really liked this poem! There is such a beautiful "flow" in the language, and I sense a bit of a melancholic undertone.

1. Well done for using rhymes in the piece. The one thing I thought about straight away is that your use of rhyming words in the end of each sentence of the stanzas made it... a bit limited, per se. The nature of the language in your poetry would come across as more natural if you used rhyming words every other sentence, instead of each one. Then again, I guess that's a matter of preference.

2. There is a very concrete timeline throughout the poem, which I must applaud you on. You have managed to capture the change of an emotion throughout a lifetime beautifully, which is a hard thing to do in just a few sentences.

Again, well done! I'm looking forward to seeing more of your work.



Your presence can give happiness. I hope you remember that.
— Jin, BTS