Calling Out

I love it, love it, love it!! Your spelling is great, grammar and punctuation is wonderful and the rhyming is very catchy. I also love the emotion that just flows with it as well. The urge to resist and to walk away but you can't help but stay even though it's wrong. Ah! the crazy things love makes you do. But it was a wonderful poem, great job!!

He-llo! So...it is review day, then let's review this piece of art!

"Don't listen to him,
sleep through the night.
He's drawing you in
away from the light."

-Aha! So I see a bad guy here... the type that makes you want to accept temptation, even if you feel it's wrong or like the one you want to run away from. Good image you're giving me.


"But why do you walk
towards the fiend?
"I can't stop my feet."
you said, convened."

-Hmm...poor guy or is it girl? Can't stop their feet.

"Cover your ears,
make up your mind.
Don't follow the song,
you know your not blind."

-I feel like the person is trying to help the other but isn't strong enough to do. Slight grammatical error with the last *your* here, it should have been a *you're*.

"The man is there
humming the tune.
He's looking at you
from under the moon."

-So I imagine a person standing on top of a hill with the moon at its back, while it's singing the tune that's attracting one of the two people.

"Try to break free.
Try to resist.
Try to think that
he doesn't exist."

-I can tell the fiend is very powerful if this poor creature can't resist the tune. Loving the imagery so far...

"Save me from him,"
you tearfully say.
"You are an angel
Isn't there a way?"

-Absolutely, by far, my favorite verse. The feeling of hopelessness being portrayed is lovely, although simple.

"But what can I do?
You're too deep in love.
You cry for help
from the people above."

-Last verse, nicely done...though a bit confusing. Is the person giving up or is it asking, now more than ever, to be saved?

Anyways, your poem seemed beautiful, yet, simple and I would have rather seen more exaggerated details. You had the perfect images to do so...unless you were aiming to come across with rather simple, yet, effective details, if so, then you did it. But if not then you could have made the emotions more amplified to make the images even more demanding. But still, it is a nicely done piece of poetry.

Hi there Rosan! I actually think this should be a song.

I felt a distinctive melody the whole way through and I really thought that just the story being told would make for a really good haunting lyric.

This seems almost like a conversation between two siblings;one is seeing all these magical creatures and things and is yielding to them,gravitating. The other knows better and sees the evil in these things and is trying to convince his/her sibling not to be pulled in.

One little grammatical thing needs pointing out. "your" is when you show ownership "you're" is the shortening of you are. You said "you know your not blind" this should be,"you know you're not blind".

Otherwise,the whole thing is really amazing!! It's dark and sinister but still in a way has a childish innocence to it. I love how much one person is trying to help the other,begging them to be the wiser. This caused a wee pang in my heart:

"Save me from him,"
you tearfully say.
"You are an angel
Isn't there a way?"

For me this shows that even though the magical things were so beautiful before,this person has realized how dangerous they are and begs for help......and the person that was offering gives up.....heartbreaking.
A really great piece Skyexxx

This is amazing! I don't see anything really wrong with it. Your rhyming was spot on. Your grammar, punctuation, and spelling is all perfect. There is a story, hidden behind these short stanzas, and I love how you let the reader get a peak now and then. It shows that even though you do rhyme, that this is a serious piece and not Dr. Seuss.

I love how you speak of a man humming a tune, how you call out to him, saying he is an angel, and asking for help, and in the last stanza destroy all hope. This also hints at there being a world above the Earth, like a heaven per-say. How there are people in a high above place that you can call to for help, but there really isn't anything that they can do. It all just makes sense and falls perfectly into place with what the point I think you are trying to make.

Like I said though, this piece was amazing! I hope to see more work from you and you have found a new follower! I can't wait to see what else you have hidden up your sleeve!