Vibrant Longing

i like the use of varying sentance lengths. you used alot of "advanced" words something i dont see in works very often. you seem to know what you"re doing and have a very vivid imagination and make it easy for the reader to connect and see what you saw while writing this peice. i didnt see many mistakes, if i saw any at all, but dont take my word for it, im not one who notices that kind of thing alot. but all in all, this is a good peice of writing.

Okay, so hey, Black here for a review.


As a general rule I don't do poetry reviews, seeing as I'm no good at poetry myself . . . But I guess, tonight, I needed something short to review, so here I am.

Okay, so this was interesting . . . quite interesting, confusing, hard to understand, but still interesting. If felt like you were standing there, holding something just out of my reach . . .

Okay, so in your first 4 lines you make one big mistake, you use the plural for 'voice', 'voices', and then you follow with describing things as if they've been done by only one being. For example, you start with plural (Voices) and then you go to singular (It). A: Change 'Voices' to 'voice' or B: Change 'it' to 'they'.

You do the same thing in the third stanza.

Your second stanza's last two lines read wrong, I'm not sure exactly how, but they're messed up.

Okay, so you have this way of writing that makes me think you WANT rhyme in your story, but you don't really have it. . . . Just a note: I'm probably wrong, but that doesn't really work. And when the stanza's do rhyme they change organization.

X
Y
X
Y
To
X
Y
Y
X

It's a little hard to read (And it doesn't really rhyme).

Overall? I have an overall for this? . . . not really! It was nice, I enjoyed, to what extent my poetry-dead mind could, nice work!


Keep it up!

~Black~

Rosan! What a very vibrant piece! May I give it a review, please? May I give a chop-up review for it?

Have you heard the voices in the wind?

It whispers secrets in your ear
and makes it seem the moon has grinned
then slowly makes your worries disappear.

along with their relaxing calls
with grim and gracefull movement to admire.

Have you felt the warm strokes of the earth?
It makes you feel alive again
and fills you with a sense of mirth
that makes you feel like you were still just ten.

I heard all this is what life can give.

Hey Rosan! I don't often review poetry, but when I do, I reference over used memes right off of the bat. More to the point, I'm going to do a quick stanza by stanza review, and then tell you how your poem made me feel.

Starting off the poem with a question was a great idea. That automatically channels the reader into the story, searching for answers. This stanza honestly reminded of a Disney song, which is a good thing. The only thing that stood outs was the last two leans seemed disjointed.

I like that the stanzas so far have started off with a question, sticking with the theme of longing. In the third line, you express that the shadows are dancing to the calls. The use of the word 'along' did not seem quite right. Every word in poetry has to fit, or it just feels off. I would look for another phrase to say here.

This stanza was one of the most expressive. You used warm words, but the article in it felt a little cumbersome. For instance, in the last line, you could take out'still', and it would express the idea just as well and more concisely.

The last line sums it up very well! Nicely done. There's not much there for me to critique. You led up to it very well, pulling the reader in with questions and giving vivid, beautifully written answers. Keep up the good work, and keep writing!

Hello there here is a me with a little review hopes it helps.

In this you need to put some Punctuation

Have you heard the voices in the wind?
It whispers secrets in your ear
and makes it seem the moon has grinned
then slowly makes your worries disappear.

Now thats like music to my ear...loved it.