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140,799 Literary Works • 673,688 Reviews
This was a great poem, I loved it. It had a great rhyme scheme and was an interesting topic to choose. The only thing that I noticed was your punctuation. It seems out of place at times, so try and review that. Also, make sure to capitalize the beginning of each sentence if you change anything. That's all, great job.
You know what got me interested in the poem? It's 'About' which was something like, "Blame, if you can't bear the shame."
Once, I made a joke that, "If you want to live happily, you should know how to put your blame on others."
So, Animal is here to
save the worldreview...Let's get started. Shall we?
Interesting poem and it RHYMES, I love the fact because I don't see many poems, now a days that rhyme.
So, I decided to do a brief review because this poem rhymes and it made me real happy.
HA! What a good starting. Love it <3. But you can use something better instead of 'you piece of shame'. I don't know what but something like, 'If you can skip the shame'. Not exactly but something close.
May I make a suggestion. You could replace 'out' with 'loud' but your wish. I think that the second line needs a punctuation.
This one is the best in the poem. I loved this line 'cause it focuses on emotions between two people and this is worth loving stanza. Try adding more like this in here and in all you poems. But these are the best lines I have read recently.
Good lines. I don't know that what can I say about it.
This don't look good. This one needs improvement. Edit the whole or a part. Or you could always leave it the way it is.
A good ending is as important as a good opening and this is what you did. And guess what? You added the same expression as the Stanza 3. I love it again.
Thanks for all the awesomeness but I will have to stop writing for now.
Welcome to YWS...
-Ani
Hello Rosan,
Very nice poem you have here. The short lines work well and speak a thousand words! I really don't have a complaint, I love the on and off rhymes, but I do have one thing, I'm not sure if it was a typo or if I do not understand the line but "is taint your name". If that is what it is supposed to mean then will you please explain it because I was confused!!! But the rest of the poem explains a lot about a teenager's life and I can relate it to when me and my best friend got into a fight (we are besties again!!) This is very unique and keep writing!!!!!!!
Hello there....
Awesome job on the poem. I enjoyed how the lines were short but worded greatly. I do not see anything really wrong with this poem. There are no spelling or punctuation errors. This stanza
"If it's too much
for you to tame,
why don't you jump
into the flame."
The word "tame" should have been replaced with a much more appropriate word. I understand that you are fitting your words into a particular rhyme scheme, so I guess that, that was good word choice, under these circumstances.
That is my review! I hope it helps.