No amount of black ink
scrawled across a white page can
fill the space you left.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,041 Literary Works • 672,928 Reviews
Hello there Niraco here to review this fine day. Firstly I would like to apologize for any mistakes as I am on a mobile and the keyboard is rather tiny.
Moving on, as of late I have been rather fond of haikus. I find that despite the length sometimes they hold the most meaningful words. This is what comes to mind when I first read this.
I love the romantic set up which has elements of writing which most people here may love.
I would like to bring up this line:
This was my favorite line as I felt there was a contrast which I don't know of you were going for. Whenever I think of the word 'scrawled' I always imagaine something messy and unneat. However, the word 'white' gives the image of something pure and clean. The conflicting nature of this line is great and I loved it an awful lot.
Happy writing! Great job.
Oh wow. That is just so powerful in such a short amount of words. You wrote this perfectly too. I absolutely loved it. Also, I wasn't sure if this was going to be something about writing, but then it turned into a romantic type of haiku. I really liked this!!
Keep it up!
Thank you so muhch!
A lovely piece. I have never lost someone close to me to death, but I have certainly lost people as friends and relationships, so I feel I can relate in that way. I love haikus, they are so short and simple, and so much is said in so few words. They're amazing, and can be crafted in so many ways.
One thing about the piece, though, as a haiku it should be 5-7-5 for the syllable count, and maybe I'm just dumb, but I count 6 syllables in the first line :\
That's the only thing I noticed wrong...I've seen some other people comment and say they wish the "can" was on the third line, but I have to kindly disagree with them. It would mess up the 5-7-5 syllable count, and I actually rather like elongated look and sound of the second line with the "can" on the end, it makes for an odd read of the poem that I think is really fitting when concerning the content matter of it (I also just like the last line, and I don't think it needs to be fiddled with).
As always, an amazing job. I always enjoy reading your work, it's been phenomenal so far. I look forward to continuing to read more of it in the future!
I counted "across" as two syllables.
"srawled-a-cross-a-blank-page-can" is 7.
I'm so glad you enjoy my writings! Thank you so much; your reviews always give me a good confidence boost!
Awko taco I'm talking about the first line as being one syllable over
"no-a-mount-of-black-ink" as being six when it should be five, heh
And of course, you're welcome! If you ever want me to review something, just ask! (although chances are I'll review it anyway (; )
Oh! Awkward. Apparently I've lost the ability to read.
haha )
Well, in my area, "amount" is kind of pronounced as one syllable. (we southern folk aren't the most proper.
Do you have any suggestions as a fix for this?
The first line made me think of a tattoo but then it was like on a white page and it all made sense. This was really good, I liked it a lot
Honestly, when I first read this, the only thing that popped in my head was writing.
The first line let me think that it is impossible to run out of ideas when it comes to writing. The thoughts of writing flowing in one's mind as the writer's hand starts to move on the white paper, which came to the second quote
The last quote
left me thinking the writer is filling the paper full of words and thoughts the writer has through his or her mind.
I honestly think this is one of the best haikus I ever read in my life. x:
Keep up the good work~!
-K
Thank you so much! It was about writing.
It was find of like "no matter how much I write, I cannot write away all these feelings you've caused."
Glad you liked it!
This is a really nice haiku. I often write them, and people always say to make them longer, which I find so hard! But I think this is short and sweet, really well done.
I agree with DukeofWonderland with saying if it's possible, make "can" to the third line.
You've done a really nice job here. The last line just totally sums up the poem and finishes it nicely.
I really like this, keep it up!
-CFG
I think if you put the 'can' on the 3rd line, it'd be better.
I love it, except there's 6 syllables in the first line.
I counted "across" as to syllables.
"srawled-a-cross-a-blank-page-can" is 7.
Oh, my. I don't know how to type. >.<
Two syllables*
It happens to the best of us