In a matter of
days,
months,
years,
the intricate strings
and threads of your soul
were carefully woven
around my heart.
Tighter and tighter
they wound themselves,
until they desperately clung
to my very being.
And then slowly,
these delicate threads
began to unravel,
as you went your way.
and I, mine.
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139,494 Literary Works • 672,583 Reviews
Stunning!
To be honest, at first I thought this was going to be a bit cliche as the metaphor is commonly used; however, I really like where you took it. It veered away from the classic interpretation. That was definitely the aspect of the poem that I liked best (it's also the reason that I am writing this review). I love when people take slightly overused concepts and remake them. It makes you think, and really think, about them, what they really mean. For poetry, that is one of the most important things to me. Good poetry, I think, leaves me with something to consider even after I've finished reading it, and you've certainly done that.
I don't have any real nit-picks: this was flawless!
--Grey
Hey!
So this work was very metaphorical, which made for an interesting read.
To be honest, I didn't really understand what meaning there was behind the first few lines:
'the intricate strings
and threads of your soul
were carefully woven
around my heart.'
it has a very cliche sound to it; which isn't necessarily bad, but it's difficult to understand I find.
The length of the work is good - not too long, not too short and it feels well balanced.
You have used punctuation accurately and to your advantage.
You make the words work in this piece: 'and I, mine.'
On the whole, I find you to be avery romantic and lyrical writer and this is in keeping with your style.
Congrats on other good piece.
Keep writing.
~BSF
Hey! Bitter rosemary here to give you a review. Let's get started.
I actually love this poem. ZERO GRAMMATICAL ERRORS! WHOHOO! GO YOU! (thats right party you grammar nazis)
I will however tell the part I liked the most
"Tighter and tighter
they wound themselves,
until they desperately clung
to my very being."
strong message, powerful conveyance.
My only nitpick is that in the second paragraph, shouldn't the be capitalized? JUst so the enitre poem would be consistent, format-wise. But I can also see if you meant to leave it that was to provide continuity between the first and second stanzas.
Good work!
Bitter