Here in front of me
my enemy stands;
a masked face
with guilty hands.
No, it is not Satan,
or a killer, or a foe.
It is simply an enemy
whose name I do not know.
But for my hurt,
I know he's to blame.
For all my conflicts,
for all my pain.
Every trial,
every struggle,
he's the only source
for all my troubles.
And now once more,
he is back again.
But this time is different.
He will not win.
"I've prepared, and I've trained.
You will not break me."
My voice is calm,
but my hands are shaking.
My rival chuckles
and saunters my way.
"It takes some real courage
to say what you say."
His voice is that of demons:
an unrecognizable hiss.
I watch as he comes closer,
as I clench my trembling fists.
I can almost hear him smirking.
"You haven't a clue? Oh, you poor dear."
I sense the mockery in his tone.
He leans in close, lips touching my ear.
"You cannot win against me, darling.
There isn't a chance for you.
Fight and battle me all you want;
there's nothing you can do."
The anger swells within me,
and I act boldly, with haste.
I grab his dark, faceless mask
and tear it from his face.
I stare in awe at this unmasked brute
for I recognize the face I see.
My enemy, I realize,
is me.
It's always been me.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,494 Literary Works • 672,583 Reviews
hello there, RachelLeeAnn
This is an amazing piece of work!!! It really is !!!! This is exactly how I always feel. The masked man wants to take over my life, but i soon realize its just myself.
The entire poem flows great, and you rarely break the pattern. There are a few spots that the rhyming was disturbed,
"I've prepared, and I've trained.
You will not break me."
My voice is calm,
but my hands are shaking." those lines break the rhyme and there are several other rhymes that seem rather forced.
Over all it is a fantastic piece and i think a lot of people can easily relate to it. There are so many ways to be your own worst enemy.
"The anger swells within me,
and I act boldly, with haste.
I grab his dark, faceless mask
and tear it from his face."
in these lines you have a very very nice show of emotions, and it really builds up perfectly for showing that the enemy is you.
my favorite lines were
"His voice is that of demons:
an unrecognizable hiss.
I watch as he comes closer,
as I clench my trembling fists."
nice work and please keep writing!
--Cam
Genius... that's all I can say about this masterpiece
I love this poem, fantabulous work!
The twist at the end is a really great catch, and the writing and rhyming is great. However some paragraphs don't have the right beat/don't rhyme, so let me see what I can do...
Here in front of me
my enemy stands;
a wicked, masked face
with guilty hands.
No, it's not Satan,
or a killer, or foe.
It is simply an enemy
whose name I don't know.
But for all of my hurt,
I know he's to blame.
For all of my conflicts,
for all of my pain.
Every trial, every struggle,
he's the one certain source,
For all my troubles,
It's him, of course.
And now, once more,
he's returned, yet again.
But this time is different.
He will not win.
"I've prepared, and I've trained.
You will break me no more."
My voice is contained/stays the same,
but my hands tremble more.
He chuckles and turns,
and saunters my way.
"It takes some real courage
to say what you say."
His voice is of demons:
an unrecognizable hiss.
I watch as he advances,
and I clench shaking fists.
I could just hear him smirking;
"Got no clue? Oh, poor dear"
I sense the mock in his tone
As his lips touch my ear.
"You cannot win, my poor darling.
There's no chance for you.
Fight me all you want, but
there's nothing you can do."
The anger swells within me,
and I act boldly, with haste.
I grab his dark mask
and tear it from his face.
I stare in awe at the uncovered place,
I recognize the anger I see on his face,
My enemy, I realize, as I manage to see,
It's him.
It's us.
It's always been me.
Tried to fix a few things; I hope you can get something out of it! Have a wonderful day~
Thanks,
-odyssey.
xx
Flame here, as promised!
Fabulous job. You managed to sculpt a common theme into something unique. The first few stanzas, I was certain that the "enemy" was a cruel boyfriend. But then I reread the second stanza. "An enemy who's name I do not know" couldn't be a mistake—too conspicuous. A cyberbully? No, you devoted several lines to describing his voice. Or maybe that was just how she imagined his voice? No, that'd be overdoing it.
Just have to say, genius. I wasn't expecting those last couple of lines! "Masks"...what a fitting title.
My favorite lines:
It made me consider the mask that a lot of adolescents wear.
I couldn't find much fault with the writing, either. You established a consistent rhythm, weaving music out of words; none of the rhyming felt forced; your grammar was fantastic; and your descriptions were wonderfully, subtly incorporated.
Be warned, though; I pick up the tiniest errors. And sometimes the errors aren't even there, and I'm just hallucinating
You're overworking the colon. It can't connect clauses that don't share common interests.
"Guilty" is also a strange choice. It implies remorse, a shred of decency, while the rest of the poem describes the "enemy" as cruel and heartless. You're also suggesting that hands grow out of the face?
"Whose" indicates possession. "Who's" is the contraction of "who is."
For me, "conflicts" doesn't tie in well with "hurt" and "pain." The semicolon should also be replaced with a comma.
"He's" shouldn't be capitalized, and "of" should be switched to "for."
This seems a bit out of order for me. He chuckles, and then you introduce him? Maybe "My rival chuckles / in an eerily calm way"?
I love the repetition used here! Just insert a comma after "closer."
The colon should be replaced with a semicolon.
"Haste" and "boldly" aren't really pieces of the same puzzle. It's an easy fix, though; just mess around with the wording.
Should be "unmasked" instead of "mask-less." And since the narrator stared in awe because he recognized the face, "and" should be swapped for..."for", maybe?
That's all I have. I nitpicked you pretty hard, but this was a great ballad. Keep up the good work! Looking forward to your next submission!
Thank you for your review!
I agreed with most of your corrections, and have fixed them.
The rest I felt I liked better the way they are.
Thanks again for the input!
No problem!
It was an enjoyable read.
Hey there Rachel!
I really loved this poem! Especially the twist at the end! It has a very interesting concept even though I don't fully understand it but I think that is the point. I like the riddle like nature to it and how it is kind of dark!
Is my favourite bit, the rhyming patter is so beautiful here!
I couldn't find a huge lot wrong with this, but I would like to see more description of the setting as well as the person.
Overall, great poem!!
Okay...thired review so this won't be amazing, sorry. Anyways, I love how this poem shows that you are your own enemy and, that you must face yourself. This shows how many people feel. We cause our own problems, but, we can never run away from ourselfs. We are are biggest enemy and, I really enjoyed reading this.
Overall this is a very good poem!! Congrats!! 