To my dear friend, The Night:
Do you ever get tired of me?
You're always there for comfort
when I'm awoken from my sleep.
Do you get bored of my endless rants?
Do you remember all my secrets?
It seems I only come to you
when in a moment of weakness.
Sleep can only give but so little comfort
when it's so fickle and incomplete.
Yet, I always turn to it before you,
though it's rarely been there for me.
Oh, Night, you've seen it all.
You've seen me tossing and turning,
trying desperately to welcome Sleep,
though it's to you I keep returning.
You've heard me whispering
my desperate, tired pleas.
"Sleep, come visit tonight...
Just a few hours, please."
Using its allies of grief and guilt,
sleep relentlessly abandons me.
And though I'm bitter upon greeting you,
please know you are not my enemy.
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140,752 Literary Works • 673,686 Reviews
I loved this poem, but I do have one quick suggestion. It might make the poem a little more... something... if you refer to the Night and Sleep as people rather than things. Like, try using 'he' or 'she' instead of just 'it'. Other than that it was beautiful. Great job!
This was a really cool poem, I can sometimes not sleep and what I do is listen to music or write poems to get in sleep. But sometimes I'm wide awake and can't get into sleep. I hate that, sometimes I can keep awake the whole night.
Okay off to your poem now, I like it how you describe that the night is not your enemy and how you greet it. It is so deep with a beautiful meaning. Keep up the good work, I enjoy reading your poems.
Okay between day and night, I like the night the most, cause the darkness has something mysterious and when the stars shine I like the dark so much. I always stay up late and watch to the dark, then I hope that the stars are shining.
Dazzle
This was a very good poem. Well written. The idea of it was exceptional. Clearly, many people will be able to relate. This person needs sleep. They have a craving for it. We will never know the full story of the person because this is a short person and we have our own imagination. I believe this person is under some sort of stress they have some unresolved issue. This person need sleep to relax, be free of their problems for a little bit. it will be their only way out. Then again I could be wrong. this the way I interpret the poem haha! anyways, god luck young writer keep it up!!(:
-Amber
Hey, I like the way you use Sleep and Night as proper nouns, but you forgot to capitalize sleep in the last stanza
. Just thought it should be continuous. Love the rest, though. Good job.
I have to say, I disagree with the other review entirely. I wouldn't change a thing about this piece. :3
I like the way it seems like an apology you could really write to a friend. Apologizing and admitting your mistakes, that you don't know why, but you always seem to turn to Sleep first--even though you know it always abandons you, almost like it takes you for granted.
I love this. Thank you for sharing it.
Interesting concept. So much can be put into it. Here, for instance, the narrator talks about his/her restlessness to the night and expresses how sleep evades him/her.
Having read the poem a couple of times over, let me share what I think about it.
There's nothing wrong with opening the poem with this line. But since the title itself makes it abundantly clear that the poem is a "letter", you can do away with it.
Notice that the lines in bold pretty much convey the same thing. What I'm trying to say is : unless necessary, why repeat an expression twice?
I'm not sure if the capitalization in the words "The Night" and "Sleep" is necessary. It turns them to proper nouns hence making them refer to a specific night or a specific instance of sleep whereas the letter is addressed to the general, abstract idea of the "night."
Overall, I think this was nice. I recall reading some of your earlier works and I admire the skillful rhyming and lyrical flow. I'd say you can certainly write better.
On the side, do consider this one recommendation : Avoid redundancy. Avoid it. Condense as much as you can. Sometimes, a poem of four lines can convey what a poem of sixteen lines does.
Best wishes
S.
Thanks for the review! Ill work on fixing it... As for making The Night and Sleep proper nouns, I did this with the intentions of personifying them; since they are my "friends."